Motivational.....

.... well, I just watched a bunch of guys in a desert kiss the corpse of Gene Hackman..... "March or Die" just finished, and it was - as usual, awesome...... and it does happen to have the best final line of any movie I have ever watched....... the quote?....

.... I'm adlibbing, but here it is......

"Some of you will try to quit.... Some of you will try to run..... I warn you, none of them has succeeded.... If The Legion doesn't get you, then the desert will..... When the desert doesn't get you, the Arabs will...... and when the Arabs don't catch you...... I will....... and I don't know which is worse....."

..... if you haven't seen the movie, I highly recommend it.....

.... in other news, I'd like to thank the collective crew of Crazies who attended this weekend's blogmeet...... I swear, I had THE BEST time...... and I am already counting down the days until next year's Gathering.......

.... so to Elisson & his Bride, K-Nine, Big Stupid Tommy, Jimbo, Erica, Teresa, Boudicca, Jerry, John Cox, Richard, Eric, Anna, Rick, Georgia, and Denny?..... you guys are the Salt of The Earth, and I had the most amazing time...... thank you for making the trip!....

Webcam?.....

.... and so, it begins....... the 6th annual Hysterics at Eric's is officially underway....

..... if the parties who are partying consent, perhaps I will use my stickam account to live stream some of the festivities.... hey, that'd be something new, eh?..... besides, how many blogmeets have a live webcam for webby voyeurs to spy on from afar?.....

.... if the Elderly Brothers start a concert, we might just go live........

... and speaking of the Elderly Brothers, go here for a seriously good laugh (for all of you Shakespearianly challenged brothers and sisters.)

Hysterics.....

..... you know, it amazes me that in two days I will have nearly 20 bloggers roaming around The Compound, sipping drinks, and eating ribs..... good grief, I can't wait!.....

..... The World is one Strange Place, rubberneckers.....

Bruises.....

.... after a weekend spent with Steve and his Wife in Middle Tennessee, I offer this humble video...... and say to Steve, eh?......what trouble?.......

... rock on, big man....... we have the medals, the tee-shirts, and the bumps and bruises..... and those are commemoration enough.......

.... thank you for coming with me.......

Blogiversary.....

.... eight years ago today, I started this blog..... and man, what a ride it has been.... come to think of it, I attended my first blogmeet just a little over a month after beginning.... and since then I've never looked back.... now?.... hell, I HOST an annual blogmeet at MY HOUSE!.....

.... good grief, I must be crazy.....

Badges....

.... I've said it before, gentle rubberneckers, and I shall say it again.... no one tells lies like ole Tommy does......

Alive....

..... well, I'm not dead..... the tornados didn't blow me away - although they did give it the ole College boy effort..... the Sun hasn't fried me...... and the rain hasn't washed me away....... sure, I'm a bit soggy, but otherwise unscathed...... as for the blog, well, honestly I just haven't felt like saying anything to anyone for quite a while..... after all, I've been at this little endeavor for going on eight years now...... and the way that I figure it, I've pretty much earned the right to sull up and play possum once in a while.....

.... anyway, I'm still around...... I'm just quiet...... trust me, it is not you.... it is me......

.... in completely unrelated news, I have enjoyed having my Father in Law in town for the past few weeks.... so far we have managed to sample the wares of nearly ALL of the nearby 27 restaurants with the least inedible food with nary a stomach cramp - to date - reported.... which is actually a much better show than when I dine on my own, so perhaps he is Good Luck....

... oh, and before I forget, get thee forth and read BST's latest..... I swear, the boy just ain't right...... but I do happen to agree with most of his list.....

... as for me, I'm off to shoot some pool and let a few waves of Dean Martin wash over my bare, tender soul......

... and with, I am off..... I do hope you are all faring well.....

BST

... you guys do realize that Bea was a Marine, right?......

.... so get on over and give Tommy a big toast of birthday wishes...... he certainly deserves it......

... hey, happy birthday, big fella........ and many, many happy returns!.....

Climbing.....

..... "I ain't never seen'em..... but my common sense tells me the Andes is foothills!..... and the Alps is for children to climb!....... take good care of your hair!...... these here is God's finest sculpturings... there ain't no laws for the brave ones..... and there ain't no asylums for the crazy ones.... and there ain't no churches - except fer this right here.... ".....

..... two years in a row, and he has inspired me once again........

..... there is nothing like humping a ruck up into the mountains, camping, watching the snow fall, eating heartily..... and being absolutely comfortable the entire time.......

.... if you can't leave home - regardless of the weather - and be comfortable in the wilds, well, then you need to brush up on your skills....... because, really, you never know when you are going to need them.........

..... snow is a part of nature, folks........ and freezing weather is just a part of life........ I LOVE it......

38

.... I found this from a few years ago, and thought I'd put it up again just for giggles....... have a happy and safe New Year, rubberneckers!....

... orignally posted January 9th, 2007....

… Hoosierboy asks a very good question over at his blog… I read his answers with great enjoyment…. He simply asked, “who are you?”, and began to answer….. so I will give it a try myself....

… hello….

… I am Eric…. I am 34 years old…. I was born on a Saturday morning in October at Bradley Memorial Hospital in Cleveland, Tennessee… I have been told that my maternal grandparents were in attendance in the waiting room and that they lit cigars when the nurse told them I’d arrived at 2am…. the idea of them doing that makes me very happy for some odd reason…

… I was born without any hair on my head… but I began sprouting wispy red locks as I crawled slowly towards toddlerdom…. and by the time I started kindergarten I had a huge shock of Vivaldian hair….. since I was semi-bald during my young years, my parents developed a phobia of sorts…. In retrospect – after having heard their stories – I call it Sampsonophobia….. once my hair started growing, they were afraid to get it cut lest I remain like a cue-ball for the rest of my days…. thus, I entered into my first scholastic endeavor in need of a ponytail-clasp…

… fortunately, time and circumstance cured them from their phobia and I finally got a decent haircut just in time for the 70s fads of gigantically collared shirts and horrible, polyester plaid pants….

… nowadays, well, it has ceased to be so shockingly colorful and is more of a dulled copper with blondes and silvers thrown in for extra curiosity…. the hair that covers the rest of my body though, is quite long and ranges from gold-colored to almost translucent….. I have no hair on my chest or back and I cannot grow a mustache if The Survival Of All Humanity depended upon it…. something about having had some Indian genes thrown into the familial mix back before Jackson had them all rounded up and whisked away to Oklahoma…..

…. I am 6’2” and pale with a smattering of freckles across my body and face… Nordic in appearance, almost….. and I weigh just under 200lbs…. that is, of course, depending on what I consumed for dinner last night and how enjoyable my last movement was…. weight, in the end, is a fickle measurement to go by….

…. My hair is short and parted from the left to the right, but I don’t own a comb… so all of the ‘parting’ is done by using my hands as I leave the shower in the morning…. the cut itself is just outside of military regulations….. I have an unfortunate nose that is at once noticeable as too small for my face…. My head, while not fat, does appear to be just that wee bit rounder than most noggins that I have seen…

…. I have no degrees and have never been enrolled at a place of higher learning…. I graduated from high school on a Friday and arrived at MCRD Parris Island, SC the following Monday after having night-tripped all of Sunday evening to get there…. I was ‘high shooter’ for my series when I graduated…. The Commanding General gave me a certificate from The Marine Corps Association (..who evidently thought it quite smart that I qualified one point off of perfect…)

…. I served in the Corps for nearly five years and loved every second of it…. I’ve been to quite a few exotic locations and managed to find what was worth seeing in all of them… even under the worst circumstances…. many of the men that I met there are still counted among my closest friends… even though we may only talk once or twice a year….

… I have been a network engineer, a systems analyst, a technology consultant, and an IT Manager……

…. I am, and have been, many things to many different people…. son, husband, brother, friend, lover, enemy, confidant, defender, workmate…. and probably many more that aren’t coming to mind right now….. but that is alright… it is as it should be…. as we live our lives, our roles change daily… so it is ok to forget some of them sometimes….

… I have a keen ability to memorize things, but I don’t utilize it nearly enough… I am too easily distracted to actually toss my brain towards something of importance….. I seem to be always busy with a tedious thing while my mind treads water…. but I do see patterns in words and I have a great love of poetry… lowbrow and highbrow….. and I view that as one of my most prized possessions… so I don’t feel that I’m losing much there….

…. I play a few chords on guitar but can’t sing…. I picked up my first guitar from one of my old Uncles who used to sing old BeeGee’s songs from way back before they went Disco… “How Do You Mend A Broken Heart”, etc… it was a Yamaha FG-340 and was a complete sweetie…. but it was stolen while I lived overseas… The Missus replaced it with the Fender acoustic that I own now and adore….

….my first name is David and my little brother’s first name is Joshua….. both of our middle names are Nordic… Eric and Leif, respectively….

… funny, really, my first name means ‘beloved’ and my middle name means ‘king’…. My surname means ‘one who brings gifts’ or ‘one who grants wishes’….

.. so, my whole name?… ‘beloved king who grants wishes’….. sounds pretty groovy, if you ask me…

…. I smoke unfiltered Camel cigarettes and love Scotch…. particularly the Islay malt, Bowmore…. When I lived overseas, it was impossible to get Camels that weren’t made in France (they used un-toasted tobacco and the flavor was totally off), so I smoked Marlboro’s with the filters ripped off for years until I moved back to Tennessee….

… I try to be an honest and good man… and I am happy with where I am in my life most of the time….. I like to watch everything around me…. I smile a lot and I laugh easily… mostly at myself…

… politically, I am a mixed bag….. I believe in a strong military and personal choices remaining Personal…

…. I love college football, Rugby Union, and competitive swimming…… I believe that the Tri-Nations are evil but I still wish that I owned a Springbok’s jersey…….

… I have never picked a fight in my entire life, but I have been in quite a few…. not always winning, I might add…. I’ve been cut, shot at, punched, kicked, gouged, twisted, choked, stomped, and bitten in the course of my life thus far….. and I have no regrets about any of it….

…. I’ve never been a braggart either, as I am at my core a shy, delicate fellow…. and I greatly disdain acts of arrogance and cockiness that are genuinely believed by the perpetrators….

…. Oh, and I look like an idiot if I ever wear a hat…… but I still own about thirty of them….. I just can’t help myself…

... so, hello... and welcome to my blog.....

Writing.....

..... if you don't read anything ELSE this week, read Big Stupid Tommy's latest....... the man is a machine...... and one helluva writer......

... behold this, and this...... gaze upon his works, ye Mighty, and despair.......

Creepy....

... and by the way, rubberneckers, if any of you want to get into the true spirit of Halloween (just passed), I recommed giving this a read...... best Halloween post I've read in years........ and hey, feel free to add a tale of your own once you've finished reading......

2010!....

.... well, boys & girls, I am happy to report that another successful Hysterics at Eric's has gone down without a hitch...... as a matter of fact, I may cease doing ANY cooking since I now know the True Caliber of Pure Cooking Power that many of my guests possess.... honestly, I think this Saturday's meal was the best that has ever been served when I've hosted a blogmeet - and my happy little hands were banned from the kitchen AND the smoker all weekend!.... Mr. Elisson and Bou owned the kitchen this weekend......

.... the Intrepid Travelers began trickling in early Friday afternoon, and they were immediately greeted by 40 degree temperatures and a rain/hail/sleet storm.... needless to say, we didn't bother with a campfire on Friday night..... Saturday broke cloudy, though, and after the usual breakfasting at The Tellico Junction Cafe, a roaring campfire was raging out back until, well, quite recently actually......

... as always, it was a pleasure to have so many interesting, colorful, friendly, humorous human beings wandering around my property for a weekend..... I enjoyed every minute that you guys were here..... and I cannot WAIT until next year!.....

.... here's a quick list of those that braved the cold weather and partay'd this weekend.....

Denny

Elisson & SWMBO

John Cox

Jerry

El Capitan

Bou

K-Nine

Big Stupid Tommy

Rick & Georgia

Teresa

Erica

Leslie

Jimbo & Da Bodyguard

.... you guys are the best...... thank you for coming!....

Butts...

... the smoker has arrived, gentle people....... the hickory arrives tomorrow morning........ and the chicken, sausages, brisket, ribs, and butts will be entombed within it come Saturday morning...... it's November, of course..... but all I keep thinking is, "damnation, I do so love October.." .....

... where are you this weekend?....

Vincent....

... I was suddenly reminded today just how many times I've mentioned Vincent Price whist blogging...... it's actually quite scary.....

... so, in reverse order, here are a few examples.......

... remember the Western that a bunch of us crazies wrote many years ago?.....

.... and a story of my youthful jaunts......

.... and mentions of Mr. Price's sex appeal have been mentioned, here and here...

.... and a post about his ability to inspire?....

...and one with a mention of The Tingler AND Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine in the same post...... good grief...

.... and lastly, well, one about birthdays......

..... I'm a Vincent Price fan... yes, oh yes, I am.....

Seven....

..... on this day - waaaay back in 2003 - this little blog was hatched over on blogspot..... two months later she moved over to her own domain..... and only a mere month from her birth, I found myself atop Blood Mountain, Georgia at my very first blogmeet ..... good god, rubberneckers..... SEVEN years.... 7 years... s.e.v.e.n y.e.a.r.s..... it still seems unreal no matter how you type it......

.... and now with many, many blogmeets under my belt, I'll be hosting the fourth fifth annual Hysterics at Eric's in November..... I swear, I must be insane...... (thank you, Bou, for the correction...)

.... thank you all for swinging by every so often to steal a peek at my little slice of Tennessee.... meeting many of you has changed my life in ways that I never imagined back in September of 2003....

.... mercy, boys and girls..... 7 years...... to quote Augustus on his deathbed, "By God, Woodrow, it's been quite a party, ain't it?"....

.... and yes, it certainly has been quite a party.... this blogging thing is pretty damn cool sometimes........

Promotions....

..... after watching Dax's latest video post, this song latched itself violently onto my brain and I've been humming it ever since....... and so, I dedicate this to ole Dax..... congrats on the promotion, sir....... but that cut is not NEARLY short enough, you hippie.....

.... a toe-tapper, non?...... and if you watched his video as well, you will recognize that Mr. Montana has excellent taste in beer.....

.. in other news, I was given the chance to peer into the depths of my own septic tank this afternoon...... and I have still not fully recovered from the experience..... suffice it to say that a Human Being should never, ever be introduced to ten years worth of his own emissions all at once like I was today when the happy Septic Tank Sucker-man arrived to work his magic......

.... It was odd, seeing all that shit clogged in one poor, tiny concrete box..... and yet I couldn't help but imagine that I was feeling the exact same sensation that Koontz must feel every time he walks by the horror section of his local Waterstone's......

Paddled.....

... I was given the pleasure yesterday of hosting Bou & her Boys for lunch, a few hours of rafting down the Hiwassee, a dinner of ribs, beans, and garlic biscuits.... and an evening of Zombie carnage (courtesy of her boy's PS3) until nearly dark.... and a good time was had by all..... well, except for the Zombie carnage...... somehow her little men think it quite funny that I harbor an unnatural fear of The Walking Dead.... as a matter of fact, this is the second year in a row that they've insisted on playing the game right in the middle of the living room..... and, of course, squirming all over my couch making high pitched squeaking noises with the destruction of each Zombie noggin......

.... I watched them for a while, but then retired to the safety of the kitchen where "The Adults" could converse..... but it was too late, unfortunately, as the damage had already been done.........I woke up at 4am and lumbered through to the kitchen for a glass of water and suddenly heard a floorboard creak in the living room.... I immediately was wide awake and cursing that damnable PS3..... but after a thorough going over of all the locks, I felt it safe enough to wander back to bed believing the house to be safe, secure, and Zombie free.....

... we rendezvoused again this morning for breakfast at the Tellico Junction Cafe (those of you who have breakfasted with me after the October blogmeet will know that locale pretty well.), and then they went on their well-fed way towards the rest of their vacation obligations....

.... it is always such a pleasure to entertain Bou and her three little men.... and if you are ever given a chance to do so, please take it.... trust me, you have my word..... you'll have a lot of fun, and I know from six years of experience that you will certainly NOT get bored.... each of her boys are a slice off the ole Bou-block.... so just imagine spending a day and a morning with three slices of Bou and a WHOLE Bou, and well, how on Earth could you NOT have fun?....

.... I will say, though, having read her post on the whole "rafting" adventure that we were completely doomed from before we ever even dipped a toe in the river..... sure, it was very, VERY fun, but it was also very tiring and very, very hot..... that said, I will point out to those who might be thinking of rafting in the near future that when they say a raft needs a "minimum of four", what they mean is that you need a minimum of four paddlers..... two adults just ain't gonna cut it, folks... no matter how hard you paddle your little tail feathers off, all you really can do is make sure that your raft is drifting with its nose in the right direction.......

.... but, be that as it may, we still had a good time..... Life is, after all, all about the new experiences...... and who doesn't enjoy leaping from a stuck raft into chest-deep water, bashing their knees, and heaving a raft around while trying not to drown?!..... not me, rubberneckers!..... I'm all about that kind of gig..... heh..... but Bou, though?..... well, she's hardly bigger than a minute, so while she did jump out and tug, push, and heave for a while, her heart was certainly in the right place..... and we all pulled our share of the weight.....

.... oh, and I nearly forgot the two "floaters" that we had drifting along behind us...... good god, were I Superman and she Supergirl, we STILL could not have moved that raft faster than the river's current with SpongeBob and Squidward (Mr T and Ringo) lashed to our forecastle like they were......

..... but, yeah..... there you go..... sometimes it's better to be floating down a river on an inner tube eating beef jerky than to be paddling like Hell and getting no where fast, but still, we survived...... and actually, it WAS a lot of fun... in a soggy, sunburnny, aching shoulder, lots of laughing kind of way.....

..... so next year?..... I wholeheartedly agree with Bou..... we'll give the rapids a miss and spend a day in the shade skipping stones on the Tellico river......

... you need much less chiropractic time after skipping stones......

Linking?.....

..... Ooom Keesie evidently needs a link and thinks that we have been somehow shortdicking him for a while..... and for that, I am sorry....... but, rest assured that it was not ME who was shortdicking him, as that is not my forte at all......... which means that it must have been Velociman doing the deed, yes?.......

..... that's the best that I can figure after reading Keesie's drivel anyway.......... right?....

Air.....

.... so The Missus and I are sitting around this evening watching a program about the terraforming of Mars, and they bring up the fact that it is uninhabitable mainly because of the lack of greenhouse gasses AND that it is just plain WAY TOO COLD......

..... now, she has already read all of the "Mars" series of science fiction books from Kim Stanley Robinson, and she ate every one of the trilogy up with lip-smacking enjoyment.... me?.... I'm just not that into science fiction.......

.... so, fast forward to this evening....... she is sucking on every word from the presenter about terraforming Mars, when they mention that it is way too cold there for human habitation.......

..... I pipe up, "good god!.... if it is too cold, then build a damn FIRE!.... it'll create plenty of carbon dioxide..... and that will help create a warmer atmosphere, supply green house gasses, and make everyone up there feel a bit less chilly!... and with all the ash left over, you could use that as a base for soil and plant some damn TREES!"....

.... ten seconds later, the presenter of the show said that they needed to basically "build a fire on Mars" to create greenhouse gasses so that they could eventually plant Earthborne high altitude conifers to assist with the creation of a breathable atmosphere.........

..... I belly-laughed and said, "see!.... see?!..... Goddamn, woman, I should work for NASA!.... 'It's cold on Mars, people, what should we do??'..... 'Build a FIRE!'....... damn, but I am an undiscovered genius".......

.... anyway, (and to get to the point of this nearly pointless post) she dug into me again during a commercial.....

... "You know what?", she said...... "next October we should get NASA to fly all of the Jawja Bloggers up to Mars instead of having them come here for the weekend....... hey, you could even take your own firewood!...... and I bet that the combination of 25 Jawja Bloggers, the others that come, AND the fact that y'all would have a campfire to watch while you drink your chocolate vodka, well, I am quite sure that Mars would have an atmosphere in less than a week........... for, after all, no one can emit hot air like a bunch of half-drunken bloggers standing by a campfire........ good lord, we've seen it for the past FIVE years!...... no wonder our trees are doing so well in the back yard!!.... it is from their annual mega-dose infusion of blogger-based carbon dioxide emissions!".......

..... and in retrospect, I think she may be right....... after all, her logic is fairly secure...... the dogwoods ARE blooming especially pretty this year after those bloggers spent those two nights camping underneath them.....

...... but, wow.... that means that the next Hysterics at Eric's must be a precursor to us having a blogmeet on Mars....... any takers?....... The Missus assures me that it will be for the greater benefit of All Humanity For Generations to Come.......... so, there is that...... or do I have to go this one on my own?........ hey, I'll bring Scotch and bottle rockets!..... and I am sure that Jimbo will bring the vodka.....

Wow.....

... in other news, Big Stupid Tommy is most decidedly insane.......

.... here......

.... what say you?..... I mean, I love the guy, and I love to watch the man eat nachos, but that post?........ methinks he is borderline...... and not in the Madonna kind of way......

Porlock....

.... for T1G.... who just happens to be in a Coleridge kinda mood lately...... behold...

..... the story goes that he was busily penning the above poem whilst completely bombed on opium when a certain "person from Porlock" came along and snapped him out of his concentration/vision/dream/hallucination and the rest of the poem was lost..... thus the secondary title of "A Vision in a Dream: A Fragment"......

... still, though..... pretty rich imagery for a stoner..... and hey, lately?... it seems that a person from Porlock is camping out by the woodpile behind my house..... and they've worn a grove in the path from the patio to my back door to ask about basketball scores...... after all, if IS March......

Lies...

.... man, I just LOVED this post by Big Stupid Tommy.........

... and it so reminded me of the time that I caught Mr. McDowell staring at The Missus' breasts last year at the DragonCon in Atlanta...... (which reminds me, after searching the archives, I just realized that I never wrote about the incident.... hmmmm... I need to rectify that, I guess....)

...... honestly, you can't make this stuff up..... well, not me, I mean..... but Tommy certainly can......

Hmmm.....

.... a year ago - in just a few weeks - I posted this little song-drive.... and now that whole area is covered in hardened snow......

.... and tomorrow?..... tomorrow Elisson and I are set to camping above the snowline on Starr Mountain..... and yes, even though taunted so blatantly like this, I have fixed my Petzl....... and no, I had no idea that petzl meant what he said it meant...... I was merely reading the name brand off of my climbing head lamp........

.... good grief..... y'all should be ashamed of yourselves!........

Fears......

.... most bloggers that I know (and have met) absolutely hate clowns....... Jimbo, Elisson, Blackfive, they all hate them........ and tonight I read Big Stupid Tommy with great glee........

.... there is nothing like unintentional trauma, folks..... and when it comes to clowns?..... well, this is one of the classics.......

.... follow the link and click on the YouTube........ trust me, it is worth it.....

..... and for the record?..... I hate clowns too.........

Romance....

..... too tired to post, folks........ and actually, well, never mind........ just watch this instead.......

... here are Jimbo, Moogie, Eric of YouBitch, Recondo32, Catfish, David, Acidman, Denny, and Christina's friend Susan all in this shot.... oh, and Mr. Helpful himself.........

..... my goodness, what a night that was......

... and what a great, great song........ the fellows did it perfectly......

Afterwards.....

...I'd like to thank Elisson and his lovely bride for inviting us down this past weekend... folks, the man and his friends know how to cook, drink, entertain, and make a Tennessean feel welcome.... goose, roasted beef, beautiful desserts, fattened duck liver, barrels of wine..... good grief..... and stories, and laughter to boot..... Captain Aubrey would have been most proud.... hell, we even had a few broken glasses to add to the effect!.... it was also wonderful to see Denny the GOC again as well....... man, those fellows certainly know their wines......

.... it was a wonderful and welcome weekend of good company and festive excess..... which, I do believe, was exactly what they were aiming for...... Elisson, sir, you hit another home run......

.... in other news, I was just channe lsurfing looking for one of those creepy ghost shows that seem to be on everywhere these days and I ran across 24 midgets strapped to a DC-10 trying to out-pull an Indian elephant that was strapped to its own DC-10 airplane.... I was shocked, appalled, and weirdly fascinated by the whole scene, so I just had to watch it...... and yes, the elephant won....... but NOT before the well-coifed announcer screamed, "WOW!!!... just watch those LITTLE PEOPLE PULL!!"...... I nearly snorted a mouthful of tea out my nose.....

.... so yeah, anyway.... that "Man Vs Beast" show is just wrong...... I wonder where they found so many midgets who were that excited about pulling a 203,000lb airplane...... nevermind..... if you know the answer, don't tell me.... I just don't want to know....

Off.....

... well, boys & girls..... we're off to spend the weekend in Atlanta and enjoy some time with Mr. Elisson & Company...... y'all have a great weekend!.....

Chatham......

..... you know, we really need to get this guy to a blogmeet where the Artillery Punch is flowing....... personally?.... I think he'd lose his ever-lovin' mind.....

..... besides, everyone knows that us bloggers - when WE get together?.... well, we really ARE the most interesting people in the world......

... right?...

Blogroll.....

... I'm cleaning off the old blogroll, boys & girls...... if you fall off and don't like it, just give me a yell...... and hey, if you think you should be on it and aren't?.... give a holler..... and I'll see what I can do..... I seem to have been de-linked by quite a few of those on the "Bloggers I'd Like to Drink With" blogroll......

.... anyway, it is time for some housekeeping...... and I guess I'm a bit grumpy from spending the last two days raking leaves and climbing ladders..... I need a scotch and water..... and a back massage.....

Hysterics.....

.... up early this morning sipping coffee.... my goodness, what a weekend!.... it was a pleasure to have so many bloggers and good friends again in my house..... and the weather even cooperated better this year than it ever has before!.... no blogger popsicles in tents in the back yard on Saturday morning!....

... good food, good football, good company, good conversation...... what more could anyone ask for?....

.... as usual, I am honored and humbled that so many fine folks would travel so far to stand around in my garage, back yard, and living room for a weekend.....

.... thank you all for coming..... I could not have asked for a better birthday party........

.... and the gifts this year were astounding!.... a samurai sword, two bottles of single malt, a handmade stained glass work of art, a graphic novel about zombies, a fine bottle of port, a telephone call from a foxhole in Afghanistan, a bag chocked full of Trader Joe's finest, a song performed for me that I love, AND all of the wonderful company & conversation that each attendee gave to me...

..... oh, and thanks as well to whomever remembered to take the inflatable sheep Love Ewe with them when they left Sunday morning...... mercy..... you guys are amazing........ and I loved every minute.....

Early.....

..... today, like many other autumn days, dawned peaceful and damp, and I spent much of the morning looking forward to a day of SEC football..... Alabama, Florida, Arkansas, Georgia, and Vanderbilt....... it promised to be quite a day!.....

..... then imagine my surprise when I heard from the Velociman today saying that he and Key Monroe were just around the corner!........ that's right, friends, He and Key got their dates mixed up....... and instead of arriving next week for the Annual SE Tennessee Blogmeet, they showed up today!.....

.... actually, it was a pleasure....... we watched the Georgia/Vandy game together..... I mixed up a few gin and tonics (and even an appletini for Key), and a grand time was had by all........

.... you know, blogmeets are nice, they truly are..... it is great to have a bunch of "online journalists" camped out in your living room, or back yard....... but there is nothing like spending time with your fellow bloggers where you can actually have a True Conversation with them.......

.... nothing beats one-on-one time, I guess..........

.... so tonight I have been blessed....... I had a good few hours with some folks that I have known for a long, long time....... and next weekend I get the pleasure of the Horde of bloggers that I have known for a long, long time......... what an unexpected gift!.... .

...... carrying a blog, folks, there truly isn't anything else like it for providing a life filled with unexpected gifts.....

Bitterman.......

... and by the way, this shit just aint right....

..... check this out....

.... thank you, Bitterman..... you certainly know how to push my buttons....

Thoughts....

... if you haven't read Elisson's latest post on volcanoes, then go and treat yourself..... it is definitely worth the time....

.... when I read it?... all I could think of was "wow.... how amazing it must have been to have climbed up a volcano.... and then gazed over the brim down to the lava below..".....

.... it started me thinking about Mt. Tanaga and Mt. Kanaga - two of the most perfectly conically shaped volcanoes on Earth - and ones that I saw nearly every day for 18 months......

..... when the weather to the west was clear, you could clearly see them out against the skyline - 16 miles west of Adak Island.... and from time to time you'd see a trailing while pall of smoke and ash rising up into the sky.....

.... and in doing a bit of research on those two volcanoes, I suddenly realized that I HAD climbed a volcano before.... two of'em, in fact!.....

.... Mt. Adagdak and Mt. Moffett..... of course, the weather wasn't exactly Hawaiian shirt friendly..... quite the opposite, actually...... pictures of me near the summit of Mt. Moffett were posted ages ago here..... funny, though.... if it hadn't been for reading Elisson's post, I'd never have known that either of those two "mountains" were actually volcanoes......

... so, go now and read his post..... it'll make you think deep thoughts.... and then?.... well, you just never know what will happen...

Visitors....

.... I've had the pleasure of showing Elisson & SWMBO around my proverbial neck' O' the woods for the past two days...... and I have to say, I have certainly enjoyed myself...... good food, plenty of drinks, great conversation, and lots of nice scenery....... hell, we even threw in a little bit of History.....

.... it's hard not to have fun when you're around those two, boys & girls....... and if you're ever given the opportunity to hang with them for a few days?..... cancel whatever else is on your agenda, and watch.... and learn...... for they are both a 100% pure class-act, folks.... replete with freshly grilled filet mignon, crème caramel, poetry recitations, and fart jokes.....

... and that, rubberneckers, is what it is all about.....

... hell, anyone who can't truly enjoy a filet steak, recite a few lines of off-the-cuff poetry, and tell a decent fart joke really isn't worth spending much time with!....

..... and don't get me started on the Negroni's or the Highland Park....... OR the Texas Hold'em......

.... mercy.... I need a nap.....

Riverside...

.... I had a wonderful time yesterday entertaining Bou & Her Boys up in the mountains... the weather was glorious and the chili-cheese dogs were just as tasty as they are every year.... but, wow.... I swear, I just don't see how she keeps up with those three little whirlwinds....

... ended up throwing a few steaks on the grill last night just before sundown.... a pretty fitting end for a day spent splashing in the headwaters of the Tellico River.... I was definitely needing some protien!.....

.... sipping coffee now, and watching the day wake up here.... The News says that thunderstorms are scheduled on and off for the whole day.... and hey, that's just fine by me!..... a rainy day will give my tired old bones a chance to recover from a day of skipping stones & jousting wits with three young firecrackers and their wonderful mother!......

Change....

.... finally.... some change I can agree with...... heh heh.....

Pasts.....

..... due to a series of wily circumstances beyond my control, I actually managed to get well & truly dirty today...... grass clippings, sweat, motor oil..... hell, even a bit of blood..... the scary thing is that I enjoyed every second of it..... I even hillbilly-engineered a cunning way to swap out the blades on the riding lawnmower..... and I've only a few nicks, scratches, and a bit of a sunburn to show for my efforts.....

..... anyway, enough of all that....... back to something a tad more interesting..... for instance, I happened to read this at Dax's site in between taking water breaks and switching out the cord in the weed eater and just couldn't help myself..... (evidently he was a squaw, by the way...) .. here's what the Almighty, All-knowing Internet has to say about my past life....

Your past life diagnosis:

-------------------------------------------------------

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern East Australia around the year 1825. Your profession was that of a philosopher and thinker.

-------------------------------------------------------

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Timid, constrained, quiet person. You had creative talents, which waited until this life to be liberated. Sometimes your environment considered you strange.

---------------------------------------------------------

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your main task is to make the world more beautiful. Physical and spiritual deserts are just waiting for your touch. Keep smiling!

---------------------------------------------------------

.... hmmmmm.... iiiiiinteresting...... feel free to get your own right here, if you're interested.......

Chops......

..... pork chops, heavily coated in black pepper & a little sea salt...... sautéed in a dab of butter & a splash of Worcestershire sauce until brown on both sides...... and then gently lowered into a casserole dish filled with cream of mushroom soup, a cup of double cream, a cup of diced & sautéed onions, and two cloves of crushed garlic...... with a plan to bake that at 375 for 45 minutes..... my goodness.....

.... steamed baby Dutch potatoes, and fresh corn on the cob courtesy of my houseguest for the past two days, Mr. Sam......

... that, boys & girls, is what's for dinner....

.... there's nothing like a properly gravied pork chop to drive the horses of normality back to their stables, rubberneckers....... pork chops feed the soul just as much as the satisfy the paunch...... and whipping up a batch that are 'just like Mamma used to make'?..... well, it's a balm to sooth the thorniest of attitudes.....

.... in other news, I happened to see my first toad of the season today..... marbled with grays & browns, he looked exactly like a hopping gravel....... a itty-bitty little fellow, he was, and were I not a man of such keen senses I'd likely have trod on him.... but he was fortunate to have caught me on a day when my rapier like skillz & karmic radar were both at maximum power.....

.... had I met him this Friday past?.... after lunchtime?..... well, he'd be laying out back with his lower intestines peeking wetly from his lipless mouth, I reckon.....

..... thus the world goes 'round, right?..... one day you're the windshield, the next day you're the bug........ or perhaps The Stones were right..... and if you try sometimes, you just might find that you get what you need?...... hey, I'm down with that as a Bit of Wisdom.....

...... trouble is, most folks don't really want what they need...... me, though?..... I certainly don't have that problem.....

...mmmmm...... pork chops ......

New!.....

..... two tasks before I am off to bed, folks..... firstly, I would like to wish a very happy birthday to Lou's daughter, Skybag..... many, many happy returns, ma'am!......

..... and, as I promised, here's Blanche......... exactly the same as Sylvia with the following changes - slightly bigger engine, a slightly brighter shade of white, fancier shoes, and a better Bose audio system....... other than that, she feels just exactly like Sylvia did........ which, I might add, was very nice, indeed..........

.... if you're in the market for a new car?......... well, you cannot go wrong with an Audi, rubberneckers......... and y'all can trust Uncle Eric on that one......... yea, verily......

....... and with that, boys and girls, I am dark until morning!......

Blogging....

..... good evening, rubberneckers........ I'm going to have to check my archives, but I am pretty damn sure that squirrels mate in June around here...... why?.... well, because two have been chasing each other up and down the tree outside the blogroom window for most of the day....... and one of them looks absolutely terrified.... and the other one looks, well, you know....... up to something, if you catch my drift..... but so far, I've (thankfully) yet to bear witness to actual squirrel coitus (as I traumatically have in the past - thus the need for re-checking the archives to find a date.)...

.... anyway, apart from a quick jaunt to town in the new ride - Blanche - I have little to report...... except that the last two days have absolutely rocked, and I have enjoyed both of them immensely.....

.... oh, and Hoosierboy deserves a serious pat on the back...... so go on over and congratulate him....... hell, anyone who keeps a blog for four years deserves some sort of lifetime achievement medal.... so congratulations, Hoosierboy...... keep on punchin' those keys........

.... and hey, keep your chin up...... at least you don't write about the sex lives of squirrels.......

Ham.......

.... as soon as I return from my vacation in The Olde County, I'm definitely going to do my very best to emulate The Maximum Leader......

.... good god..... nothing says "The South" like a salt-cured country ham... and after a jaunt overseas, I figure that a day spent cooking a ham would be the perfect "welcome home"..... besides, I reckon all that delicious saltiness will be just about perfect for cutting the grease from my veins after feasting on haggis, smoked sausage suppers, and deep-fried Mars bars for 11 days.....

... in other news, I spent the better part of today washing the gravel from the path that leads from the deck to the patio..... damn, that was weird to type, but it is 100% true...... and no, I don't mean that I was washing the gravel FROM the path like something you'd imagine Thoreau would pen .... I mean that I was physically removing the gravel from the path with the help of a shovel, dumping them into a wheelbarrow, and then using the hose to wash the gravel free of a winter's worth of soil accumulation..... trust me, today would have killed a bird-watching, lake-walking, quill-penned transcendentalist....

.... it's odd, I guess...... a day of honest labor has left me tired, sunburned, a bit sore, fairly dirty, and smelling more than just a little bit like a well-ridden horse..... yeah, think lather, sweat, and extremely bad breath..... I imagine that my smell alone would have caused most members of Emerson's entourage to have run for the hills at first whiff......... but the good news is that the next two days are predicted to be equally as beautiful as today has been..... and two more days of hard labor should just about finish the repairs to the path.....

..... I think I should write a poem tomorrow about washing gravel....... hell, I'm pretty sure that such an endeavor has never been attempted before in the history of mankind (for a very good reason, no doubt.).......

..... I just don't know....... but as of right now?..... I leaning towards a limerick.....

Failure......

...... for those of you who read the previous entry about the explorers and the trout, allow me to extrapolate a wee bit.......

..... while we all had a GREAT time, we were, in all actuality, a complete failure in our venture to catch/lure a fish into Glad container subjugation......

..... however, all was not a total loss......... we (the Royal We) DID manage to catch five healthy naiads.....

.... and if you have to Google "naiad" to figure out what they are, then consider yourself very, very lucky........ for they are nasty looking creatures.....

.... who knew that they lived up here in Tennessee in crawfish country??..... but hey, they definitely do..... and nary a crawfish OR trout fry was seen anywhere while on our fieldtrip.....

.... The Explorers didn't seem to mind much, though, and had a whale of a time throwing rocks into the river and/or bashing them against boulders to "see what was inside" once they fractured.... my goodness, what would I give to have so much boisterous energy!.... thanks for a wonderful visit, Bou!...

.... anyway, today has dawned bright and warm, and The Missus and I are off to visit the tally-man to get our annual tax refund..... and if the weather holds, I suspect the backyard hammock will get a bit of exercise this afternoon!.....

Mountains.....

.... I'm off to the mountains tomorrow with a few intrepid explorers in tow..... and we have high hopes of panning up a baby trout with nothing more than a Glad container and some crumbled peanut butter crackers....... it should be quite interesting, to say the least.....

..... more later as it all unfolds...... pray for hungry fish, people........ and fair weather...... pray....

Clean.....

.....I read this earlier this afternoon, and I could not agree more...... as head chef cook and bottle washer around here, I run a pretty tight ship...... not that I am a clean freak at all, but I do tend to lean towards the "tidy"...... both bathrooms are cleaned every Saturday (due to the fact that my Mother is currently enjoying a standing invitation to Saturday dinner here every week)..... and the rest of the house gets a once-over every couple of weeks..... and every October before all of the bloggers arrive, the entire house gets a complete scrubbing.......

.... but as with any household, there are exceptions to The Rules.... as an example, the blogroom/manroom is hardly ever cleaned.... that said though, I really don't do much in the blogroom that will cause the accumulation of much nastiness...... I will say that there is an absolute beauty of a cobweb in the northwestern corner between the wall and the side of my gun cabinet - and it is off limits to all cleaning..... after 8 years of growth, it's practically a buddy of mine now..... and quite pleasant to look at while pondering various complexities - or when you're just of the mind to pause and wonder.....

.... the other exception is my kitchen sink..... you show me someone who'll let fungus grow in their kitchen sink, and I will show you an absolute waste of oxygen..... dishes in there overnight?... no problem... sure, I've been known to do that from time to time...... BUT, once a day my kitchen sink gets a complete scrub-down..... year before last, Santa Claus even brought me a sparkling new ceramic sink to replace the old stainless steel one..... I suspect that he did that hoping to curtail my sink-washing activities.... (I washed that damn stainless sink at LEAST three times a day because it just always looked dirty..).....

... El Capitan is right about another thing, as well..... it is simply Not Cool to visit someone's house and comment on the state of their baseboards.....

... anyhoo, go over and pat El Capitan on the back for not wanting to scrub too hard...... I suspect he needs a hug.....

Numbers....

..... the snow is slowly melting around here.... and I have a huge pot of spaghetti bubbling away on the stove..... and courtesy of ceiling fans and central heating, the entire house smells of warm oregano, basil, garlic, and parmesan......

... I logged on earlier to check my email and just happened to notice that my sitemeter has ticked up to 776,776.... and since that is a pretty cool looking number, I figured I'd snoop around and see who ole 776,776 was....

.... a Googler, of course..... a poor, lost soul who searched for "Ogden Nash Tibet" and found his proverbial Pot O'Gold happily perched at the end of this rainbow....

..... so to you, gentle Googler, I offer you a "you're welcome..... I am most happy to be of service..."

... in other news, there were a few of The Regulars who narrowly missed the cut.... indeed, hits from Oddybobo, Grouchy Old Cripple, Parkway Rest Stop, Irish Whiskey, My Pet Jawa, and Boudicca's Voice all were within 5 hits more or less than the coveted 776'er...... ahhhhh, sigh..... another happy day in blogland......

Handwriting.....

..... I'm absolutely and completely ready for springtime to come..... in fact, I remembered today a post that I quite literally "penned" nearly two years ago...... and since I plan on watching The Game tonight until time for bed - and there will not be any posting tonight - I thought a refresher might be in order.......

.... so here's one from late-March of 2007.....

... as for the game, I don't have a dog IN this race..... but it'll be interesting to see how it all pans out.......

... oh, and the original scribbling that I nabbed that photo off of is here.......

Boogie?.....

..... it is true that The Internet is a wonderful, wonderful place.... stuffed full of gems and dross, you just never know what the next clickety-click is going to give you....... and while hope springs eternal every Friday around here, today was not as I expected......

.... and once again The Great Reader has fallen grossly inadequate in trying to convince me to dance on a Friday......

.... sir, WTF?..... KC and the Sunshine Band?..... 'Boogie Shoes'?...... have you been sniffing the uranium again?....

.... brother, that stuff isn't even music, is it?......

..... anyway, here's a little something that blipped across my radio on the way out to town today....... not really danceable, no.... but it beats the hell out of 'Boogie Shoes'......

.... and for those of you who wish to sing along, feel free.....

ZZ Top I'm Bad, I'm Nationwide

Well I was rollin' down the road in some cold blue steel,
I had a bluesman in the back, and a beautician at the wheel.
We're going downtown in the middle of the night
We was laughing and I'm jokin' and we feelin' alright.
Oh I'm bad, I'm nationwide.
Yes I'm bad, I'm nationwide.

Easin' down the highway in a new Cadillac,
I had a fine fox in front, I had three more in the back.
They sportin' short dresses, wearin' spike-heeled shoes,
They smokin' Lucky Strikes, and wearing nylons too.
'Cause we're bad, we're nationwide.
Yeah we bad, we're nationwide.

Well I was movin' down the road in my V-8 Ford,
I had a shine on my boots, I had my sideburns lowered.
With my New York brim and my gold tooth displayed,
Nobody give me trouble cause they know I got it made.
I'm bad, I'm nationwide.
Girl I'm bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, I'm nationwide.

Disorder....

..... I read this a few days ago and, well, I just couldn't help myself..... clicken to embiggen, of course......

.... my humble living room is home to two massive book shelves junk repositories that are chockablock with stuff.... so hey, Erica!.... I hope that this suitably tweaks your OCD!.... just like pets & small children, you have to FEED a good mental disorder to keep it happy!.... and I really hope that this helps!.....

... oh, and the magazines down near the bottom-right are mainly old Military History, Civil War, and Jane's Defence Weekly....

Green.....

..... we live in a world of wonders..... and beasts....

.... whilst checking the blogroll this morning, I happened to notice that Oom Keesie was displaying a nice photograph of a strange creature that had visited him recently.....

.... and while not quite as impressively camouflaged as his, I couldn't help but remember the day that this guy wandered into the garage here last summer....

... here's another view......

.... and yes, that is a full-sized bottle of beer in the background..... looking back now, I'm pretty sure that he was after our hummingbirds..... a few years ago, I actually watched a mantis sit in the driveway and crunch its way through a struggling field mouse..... and it was not a pretty sight.....

.... but that's life..... sure, it's not like watching a lion rip the guts out of a gazelle, but still.....

Meme!.....

From Elisson comes this snazzy little Meme. Simply indicate the things you’ve done (or claim to have done) in boldface...

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band
.... yeah.... twice.... and we sucked both times.......

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland
..... my parents took me down to Florida to visit when I was 12.....

8. Climbed a mountain
.... many, many, many mountains......

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
.... no..... but that is only because they hadn't reopened it when I was there two years ago......

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train
.... took the sleeper from Montrose to London and back many, many times.....

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitchhiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

24. Built a snow fort
... built them and then slept in them!....

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run
.... my last year of little league?...... I hit 32..... never hit a single one while in high school though..... I think I must have used up my freebies......

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing
.... I taught a bunch of guys to climb when I first moved to Scotland...... a friend of mine had taught me while I was in Alaska......

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

41. Sung karaoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa
....no, but good god, I certainly WANT to.....

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing
..... did the Gulf a few times...... and the Bering Sea four times..... caught a very yummy halibut while fishing off of The Kuluk Clipper off Adak.....

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone SCUBA diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia
.... only if skirting their airspace counts......

60. Served at a soup kitchen
.... no, never served...... but I have donated to them quite often since moving back to the USA....

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching
..... Alaska, 2004..... took the Alaskan Railway out to Whittier and then cruised out to see the whales......

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma

65. Gone sky diving
.... no.... but it IS on the horizon......

66. Visited a Nazi concentration camp

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten caviar

72. Pieced a quilt
.... hey, what?.... I'm from Tennessee....

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone
..... all of my fingers at least once..... playing baseball for fifteen years - as a catcher - well, your fingers are going to take a beating.....

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
..... and I never intend to do it again....

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Read the entire Bible

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
..... many, many times...

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone’s life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous
.... hung out and had a few beers with Sam Elliot once at DFW....... shook James Taylor's hand backstage in Edinburgh once after his concert...... enjoyed both experiences very much.....

92. Joined a book club

93. Lost a loved one
....my Dad died back in 2001....

94. Had a baby

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone
.... only once I started attending blogmeets and needed to be guided in via a friendly voice.... but now?...... it is a vital communication tool......

99. Been stung by a bee
.... more times than I can remember... and hated it every single time...... my three top fears?.... Zombies, sharks, and bumblebees......

100. Read an entire book in one day
.... most definitely....

...... life is a puzzle and a journey, or so I am told....... I see that there are a LOT of things that I still need to do before I pop my proverbial clogs and check out....... and that is a GOOD thing.....

Superior.....

...... I have always loved the music of Gordon Lightfoot..... last year I even made the trip up to Knoxville to watch him perform at the Tennessee Theatre........ but he, Croce, Prine, Van Zandt, and James Taylor have always amazed me...... their songs were magic......

..... and to that list, I must now add El Capitan........

.... why?..... well, because this is just plain beautiful, folks......

.... now all we need is a youtube vid of El Cap singing it.......

Lunch.....

..... the missus and I drove down to Chattanooga today and had a beautiful lunch with Richard of Shadowscope and his missus, Holder...... their two lovely daughters were in attendance as well, and they were a true pleasure to meet...... I have a feeling that both of them will end up being artists - judging by the coloring books that Big River provided them with as we ate our meal......

.... between listening to Big Folk talk, coloring, and eating, their enthusiasm (and anticipation) for hitting the Tennessee Aquarium had both girls itching to get going...... his eldest daughter had even busied herself during the meal by drawing pictures of all the critters that she hoped to see once lunch was over!....

..... so after a healthy meal and a few beers, we left them to go on their way...... it was a very civilized way to spend an autumn Saturday afternoon...... and I hope they make it up again soon.....

.... I then hit the jewelry store to pick up a piece that we'd left to be adjusted..... and then, on to the mall at Hamilton Place..... I'll tell you one thing, boys and girls..... the kind folks at Jared's definitely do not skimp when it comes to taking care of their customers..... in Knoxville, we usually frequent Carlyle & Co..... but when in Chattanooga?.... I highly recommend Jared's....

.... anyway, I'm beat..... and since I STILL haven't gotten the YouTube bug out of my system yet, here's another one for y'all to chew on for a while.....

.... I'm off to pour a Laphroaig, slip my socks off, and make fists with my toes in the carpet for the rest of the night......

Floral....

..... parmesan & onion roasted potatoes ala Eric, honey glazed ham baked with pears, and a big pile of Caesar salad...... yep, that's dinner tonight......

.... by the way, is anyone missing an umbrella?.... I ask because I seem to own one now.... which is quite odd, really.... since I most definitely didn't own an umbrella prior to this year's Hysterics at Eric's Shindig...... and not being a big proponent of umbrellage in general, I will be happy to ship it back to whence it came if someone confesses to having lost one....... it's one of those expandable jobbies decked out in a green and yellow floral pattern...... wooden handle, etc....

... and while I am oddly happy about my new umbrella being an addition to my collection of blogmeet souvenirs, I can't - in clear conscience - maintain possession...... so, 'fess up, folks....... and do it quick before it rains.....

Next.....

..... you guys aren't going to believe this, but I have absolutely ZERO photos from this weekend's blogmeet..... (except for the one that Teresa sent me....) ..... bad, BAD host!..... how the hell can I have a blogmeet and completely forget to take photos!?....

.... I do have a video, though..... a surreal, spiraling, tangly sort of vodka-induced bongo/back-of-a-guitar showdown between Jimbo and John Cox...... good thing that Zonker gave me a pith helmet.... it went perfectly with the African beats that those whiteboys were churning out in my living room......

... but anyway, sorry about everyone's hotel catching fire..... hey, it wasn't MY laundry, but still..... I should have been out there with a bucket and a hose trying to keep all of y'all safe instead of snoring peacefully in my bed three miles away!.... although, Dax managed to keep a fire all night long in my back yard without the slightest singe....... so, perhaps I should just provide tents for everyone next year!....

.... so thank you all for coming to visit.... it was wonderful having you guys and gals here......

so, Jimbo & The Bodyguard
Denny
Zonker
Bou, Morrigan, & Stephanie
Jerry
Dax
Oddy
Richmond
Teresa
Erica
Johnny-Oh & Jennifer
Tommy
John Cox
Elisson & SWMBO
Redneck
Rick & Georgia

... and Confabulator, Yabu, & T1G for the phone calls!.... all of you rock..... oh, and those stains came out of the carpet just FINE!......

.... I'm off to stuff some bell peppers with my Secret Formula bolognaise and bake'em for dinner........ but, my goodness..... next October can't get here quickly enough, folks...... and yes.... according to The Missus, there will be another meet-up here next year..... so mark your calendars and start stockpiling ammunition........ and firewood..... and vodka......

Bedtime.....

..... been cleaning weapons for the better part of the day, folks...... hey, you gotta have your AR-15 ready, waiting, and freshly cleaned these days, right?......... my goodness, looking back now, I should have recruited y'all to assist on Saturday afternoon!..... then again, that would have been a serious downer for everyone involved......... it's hard to eat ribs when your fingers are covered in Balistol & gun oil........ but hey, it was great to watch you guys and gals plug away with firearms.......

...... but anyway, I am TIRED..... I suspect that three nights of going to bed at 3 and 4 in the morning have laid my sorry bones low........ and hell, I've found myself caught in one constant, repetitive yawn since 5pm today...... so links, a recap, and photos will have to wait until tomorrow........ I'm worn right the hell out......

.... by the way, have any of the other recipients of Recondo32's 'birthday present' been actively searching for info on that 'porn star'?....... not that I have, or anything..... I'm just asking for asking's sake........ and to see if any of you guys have some handy URLs........

.... blogmeets, good god..... you - quite literally - can't make this shit up.......

Quiet....

...... well, brothers & sisters, the last of the bloggers have departed........ and you know, there are times when parting really IS a sweet sorrow...... and this old house just doesn't seem the same once everyone heads for home......

.... still, though, thanks to everyone who attended this year...... ladies and gentlemen, wow...... what a party.......

.... oh, and I now finally own a real pith helmet........ oh yes, I most certainly do...... mercy......

.... more later once I've IV'd some orange juice.......

Drumroll......

..... The Gathering has begun....... and it's raining...... mercy......

Wood....

...... ladies and gentlemen, I am very, very, very happy to report that there is now a large stack of firewood currently residing in my back yard quite near the fire pit...... I know that there has been much worry over last year's lack of firewood, and as a beneficent host, I aggressively rectified last year's oversight.... I did, however, ensure that the kindly, toothless gentleman who delivered it placed each stick in a direct line between the fire pit and a fairly good-sized fire ant mound.....

..... hey, what?... after all, rubberneckers, nothing is truly easy in this world, is it?..... every pleasure is joined with an equal and opposing pain....... that's just life.... and since we'll all be toasty out next to the proverbial woodpile, at least those fire ants will keep us cosmically balanced...... karma requires that, you know?..... besides, I'm giving you all fair warning that they're there....... so, hey, my conscience is clear!.....

..... I did nuke the remaining un-trapped horde of yellowjackets, though...... y'all can just consider that one a 'gift' from an incredibly excited host..... after all, I do I want y'all to have a great time!.....

... so with that, boys and girls, I'm off to whip up some meatloaf for The Missus & pour myself a G & T........ good lord, I'm itching all over waiting for y'all to get here........

..... oh, and my first visitor arrives tomorrow afternoon...... so I seriously doubt that there will be any posting from me between now and when I throw everyone out at Sunday lunchtime........

.... ZULU!!!!...

Bernard.......

..... I'm not one for the arts, really, but I will say that watching this gentlemen perform this once was a high point....... he was magnificent.......

.... here's a small clip of it....... the dialogue is beautiful....... and O'Toole is incredible........

..... I'm off to watch 'The Mummy' again....... for the fifteenth time.......... I hope that you ladies and gentlemen have a wonderful evening!...

Mumbling......

...... many thanks to everyone who wished me well on my birthday yesterday...... and honestly, I am quite touched..... hey, you guys rock..... and Zonker, well, thank you too......... you're a helluva guy.....

... things were mildly festive around here for the occasion of me turning the ancient age of 36...... I supped upon chili, baked potatoes, and pineapple upside down cake....... 35 was great..... and I suspect that 36 will be even better.........

.... but really, I think that this clip from The Fast Show probably tells a better story of yesterday than anything I could possibly throw together tonight......

...... oh, and since Helen was just a few days ago, I imagine that most stories told after 10pm at ANY blogmeet sound very much the same.......

..... oh, and for the record?....... for the last two days, I have been mostly eating Brazil nuts..........

Naptime.....

..... back from Helen safe and sound...... the drive over - crossing the mountains - was amazing.... beautiful colors, bright sky, calm lakes & sparkling rivers..... and lots and LOTS of curves for Sylvia to enjoy....

..... many thanks to Richard for organizing it this year AND being head chef...... the steaks that he grilled out by the river were awesome..... and RSM's green bean casserole rocked the house.....

.... and it was great to see everyone again.... Rick, Georgia, Richard & his bro, Michelle, Kelly & The Senior chief, Zonker, Denny, RSM, Velociman, Key & daughter, and Dax.... it is impossible NOT to have fun when you're having a few beers with that crowd of people...

.... you know, Helen exists in its own surreal little world, ladies & gentlemen...... hell, just like a lot of us bloggers, really..... and in weird, late-night bullshit session, alcohol-doused ways, well, bloggers & Helen, GA are as natural of a combination as a leaf bobbing along the Chattahoochee......

Helen....

... off to Helen for Blogtoberfest..... be back Sunday...... y'all have a nice weekend!.....

Beasts......

..... I've spent the better part of this afternoon researching pain and trapping yellowjackets.... I've run the subject pretty much to ground, I think...... thresholds, volumes, modes, types, etc..... it's been an eye-opening experience.......

.... so far, my favorite quote regarding pain still comes from 'The Princess Bride'... but that's another story...

.... however, I did read of a scientist from the Carl Hayden Bee Research Center that curried my curiosity..... one Justin O. Schmidt.....

.... it seems that old Justin enjoyed spending his time researching the venom of various stinging insects and working out how it operates when interacting with humans...... AND how it feels..... mesmerizing stuff, to be sure..... hey, who among us hasn't been zapped by a bumblebee, wasp, fire ant, or hornet before?.... want to know the difference between the pain of a Bald-faced hornet's sting pulsing through your forearm or those little raised pustules you get from stomping on a fire ant nest?.... just ask Justin.... he's been there and done that......

...... anyway, it seems that Justin created the Justin O. Schmidt Pain Index to help us all rate our stinging-insect experiences...... it is a sort of pain scale for what different bites feel like - and the level of pain that is experienced.....

.... of course, this is all good and fine, and I applaud Dr. Schmidt for his good labors..... but as I actually READ his descriptions - ala wikipedia - I found myself thinking that either Dr. Schmidt was a complete masochist, or he was a little bit off his rocker...... or perhaps a little of both... here is an excerpt from the wikipedia article.....

Subsequently, Schmidt has refined his scale, culminating in a paper published in 1990 which classifies the stings of 78 species and 41 genera of Hymenoptera. Notably, Schmidt described some of the experiences in vivid and almost synesthetic detail:

* 1.0 Sweat bee: Light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm.
* 1.2 Fire ant: Sharp, sudden, mildly alarming. Like walking across a shag carpet & reaching for the light switch.
* 1.8 Bullhorn acacia ant: A rare, piercing, elevated sort of pain. Someone has fired a staple into your cheek.
* 2.0 Bald-faced hornet : Rich, hearty, slightly crunchy. Similar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door .
* 2.0 Yellowjacket: Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine W. C. Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.
* 2.x Honey bee and European hornet : Like a matchhead that flips off and burns on your skin.
* 3.0 Red harvester ant: Bold and unrelenting. Somebody is using a drill to excavate your ingrown toenail .
* 3.0 Paper wasp: Caustic & burning. Distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.
* 4.0 Tarantula hawk: Blinding, fierce, shockingly electric. A running hair drier has been dropped into your bubble bath.
* 4.0+ Bullet ant : Pure, intense, brilliant pain. Like fire-walking over flaming charcoal with a 3-inch rusty nail in your heel.

..... see?..... my goodness, rubberneckers.... y'all have no idea the lengths, trials, tribulations, stings slings & arrows that I put up with, dodge around, and go through to make sure that My Backyard in October is a suitable location for a festive blogmeet!...... next year I'm making Yabu come down a WEEK early just to help me beat all of the woodland creatures into some semblance of civilization..... doing this shit by myself isn't that much fun......

October.....

..... so, like, does everyone remember how to get to my house, or what?..... no one has asked for directions yet, so I am assuming that y'all are good.......

.... oh, and remember, turn left at the pillar with the eagle on top...... then follow your the road until you see all of the interesting people milling about in my front yard......

...photos.....

.... you know, I've been at this blogging business a long, long time..... hell, it'll have been five years when September 10th rolls around this year...... and I can honestly say that I have done my fair share of photoshopping some of my fellow bloggers... and in turn, I have been photoshopped quite a few times myself.........hey, it's all in good fun.....

..... but one never knows where the mind of Oom Keesie is going to wander when it comes photoshopping...... he of crocodile manglings and lion maraudings...... I mean, how on earth could someone take this photo of me as a spry 19-year old Lance Corporal (taken from this post, incidentally), and morph it into the lewd, crude, and absolutely rude photoshop'd version here?.......

.. good grief, folks..... and me with my War Happy Face on!?...... I swear.....

Bingo.....

...... you know, I do so love me a good story..... especially when it involves Southern Grannies, loyal Southern Grandsons riddled with guilt & angst, Bingo, and happy, happy endings......

..... and just where might one find such a dizzying combination whilst surfing through blogdom?...... well, at The Bitterman's Place, of course......

.... so go now, and enjoy...... his Granny sounds a LOT like MY Granny......

test

.... test...... the blog is acting weird....... well, weirder than usual.....

.... for anyone else having blogwoes, Joan has the scoop...... good luck, ladies and gentlemen.....

Fears....

..... you know, things have changed over time, my gentle rubberneckers......

.... once upon a time a Man could voice his fears, bear his soul, and cast his frail heart out into the vast openness of the mighty blogosphere without nary a peep of indignation, consolation, or trepidation......

.... and indeed, many moons ago I was such a passenger on this anonymous cyber-Greyhound Bus of Life.....

.... and a blissful little fellow I was, too.... merrily skipping along through cyberspace with my long, flowing locks of red hair (metaphorically speaking, of course) braided into exquisitely proportioned Auburn Pigtails of Innocence, Trust, and Happiness.... but ooooh, how things have changed in my nearly five years of blogging......

..... to what do I refer, you may be inquiring?...... how have my bared soul, my sharing of fears, and my imbibing of adult beverages at blogmeets thanked me for these five years of perseverance, fortitude, and occasional angst?....

..... Knine is writing fiction about me and my most feared nemesis, that's what.....

.... I tell you, there truly is no justice in this world of ours...... sure, there was that whole chipmunk fiasco, but I could have sworn that he'd have forgiven me by now....... but to hit a man with zombies when he is least expecting it?..... well, that's just plain mean...... go over and tell him to quit it, please..... I frighten easily these days......

.... I'm off to field strip and clean my Bushmaster and sharpen my Cold Steel...... one can never be too prepared these days.....

.... damn, I hate zombies.....

Boys.....

.... today at 2:47PM Eastern Standard Time, I assisted in the capture of a wily, quick & cunning woodland/forest/mountain/river creature.... and as of right now, I could not be more proud of me and my partners in crime.....

.... that's right, folks..... I, a man who is known far and wide for his non-fishing abilities, was instrumental in assisting Bou's Boys nab a 1-inch baby trout from the Tellico River while armed with only a plastic Glad container, three rambunctious (and steely-eyed Missile Men) boys, and a packet of peanut butter crackers.....

.... what a RUSH!....... Great White Hunters all, and that's a fact..... for it only took 89 attempts and ten dollars worth of crackers to finally lure a minnow to our awaiting bowl..... but the result of our persistent perseverance?...... the tossing of a few pebbles into the bowl for "habitat" purposes, poking at it with a dampened finger a few times, much "ooh"ing and "aahh"ing..... and then a quick return to the murky depths with hand-wringing and a splash.......

..... I tell you, folks, I've never worked so hard - and been so creative - for such a short-lived victory in all my born days!.....

.... but having said that?...... WE DID IT!.... and I'm in awe of all of Bou's younguns....... they worked like little Energizer Bunnies all day long building stone dams, flipping rocks over searching for crayfish, and chasing minnows in the shallows..... but in the end, WE DID IT!.......... it only took three years, but we finally did it....... we caught a minnow....... in a plastic Glad container......

..... Bou and her boys teach me something new about myself each and every time I take them to the mountains...... and today we caught a minnow..... and it rocked.....

Blogdom.....

.... there has always existed a great, random, tragic, whacky equalizer in Blogdom....

..... always has been, always will be.....

..... you find something today that irritates you, you write about it, and then all of a sudden you find yourself with the bi-polar abstract raining down upon you from a thousand angles...... it is in The Nature of Bitching, actually..... it is somewhere buried deep in The Rule Book..... you complain, you get more and MORE of what you were complaining about....

......this salient fact is the very reason that I seldom bitch on my blog..... it just courts Bad Karma like a bloated corpse draws blowflies.......

.... that said, I have to admit that yesterday's flippant remark about my cats being too lazy to hunt has borne grizzly fruit today..... indeed, bloated & fly-encrusted corpses bracketed my humble home fore and aft when daylight dawned this morning.......

.... needless to say, it is quite frightening to see yellow jackets harvest protein while you have your breakfast.... it truly is....

.... and on the front stoop?..... a tiny, chewed, and spittle-dampened shrew that had definitely seen better days....... and on the deck (amidst a pile of peanuts - hey, ask the Missus) a juvenile rabbit with its throat torn out....... Bob was crouched, chewing, while I made the second pot of coffee this morning........

..... I swear, guys....... if each cat weighed twenty more pounds, I would definitely be on the menu....... thank God that I always carry a pistole and a sharp knife..... petting them is one thing...... but turning your back on them to water the garden is another feeling all together.......

...... but perhaps I am just projecting..... fortunes won and lots, and all that...... but I will tell you this..... sure, they have yet to take down a deer....... but one thing is for certain...... nothing is safe around here if it weighs less than thirty pounds....... nothing.....

..... damn, I need a vacation.......

Summer....

.... time ticks slowly sometimes, folks.... especially during these holiday-soaked, beer-fogged, frankfurter-gobbling, Hot Days of Summer..... it seems that all one ends up doing is eating, drinking, sweating, clapping at fireworks, and then sweating some more whilst waiting for blessed darkness to fall......

.... as for me, well, it is no small coincidence that I am a Libra...... Generous God, in all his forbearance, saw fit to see me hatched out as the leaves changed colors and a mood of general pleasantness flooded the world....... I am a child of frost and misty mornings....... but now, it is Summertime...... and add in a liberal dash of pure redheadedness and, well, a Great Friend of Summer I most certainly am not..... I'm a pastel and Autumn Breeze kind of fellow.... a kindred spirit of those hushed undertones that they talk about on those cheesy 2am make-up commercials.... Earth Colors, Gentle Air, and Calming Weather......

.... Eric the Red, I am, it seems...... either by natural selection or by sunburn, I am destined to be forever red.......

.... in other news, I spent a considerable amount of time watching the cats laze on the deck today.... two more relaxed beasts I have never beheld......... and as I watched them snooze, two deer walked by the birdfeeder in the backyard and sniffed at the nuts, seeds, etc that the birdfeeder held....... I tell you what, it is a sad state of affairs when a housecat is so well fed that it doesn't even rouse from its korma-induced lethargy to perk its ears up at a whitetail that's less than ten feet away.........

... that said, well, I can't complain too much..... I haven't exactly been burning up the proverbial track around here lately...... but hey, it IS Summer...... and I've been watering the lawn a lot....

.... I would, however, like to point you over to K-9's crib this evening...... he has been playing around with the old "100 Word Stories" and has hit a real dinger...... give him a look...... he had me at "simian eyes"....

Cups.....

..... I'm not really sure who instigated that dinner meet-up in Knoxville when I first met Winston, but I suspect that it was me.... I feel sure that he must have left some funny comment to one of my posts that prompted me to fire off an email saying, "ha!... next time you are within a hundred miles of Knoxville, give me a yell and I'll buy you a beer somewhere!"..... as it turns out, I ended up buying him a few glasses of red wine instead....

.... it's funny..... I remember him standing up to greet my Wife as we arrived.... he introduced himself, shook her hand and gave a little bow, looked over at me and said, "wow!... I expected you to be OLDER!"...... I laughed, sat down, and said, "that's ok, Winston.... I expected you to be YOUNGER!".....

..... we sat out on the patio of a nice little restaurant just off Kingston Pike.... he had a steak and I had some sort of Alfredo/parmesan pasta with shrimp..... we talked about The Vols (he'd come to watch a game the next day), Acidman, Elisson, Jimbo, and the rest of the gang.... we talked about the annual Helen Blogmeet, blogging, writing, his wife's Southern Literary Journal, his life, my life..... he was perhaps the easiest person to 'talk to' that I have ever met.... he had an ease about him that was charming and convivial.....

.... we talked and talked and told stories as we ate and drank... he even re-told the "Styrofoam Cup" story to us after dinner once the cocktails arrived.....

.... I remember that when the night was coming to a close and we sat replete as the Sun went down, he looked at me and said, "you know, age really doesn't matter when it comes to blogging..... when you read what someone writes, you get a feel for them.... and something instinctive kicks in.... age, politics, religion, they really don't matter.... and you just know that if you ever met that person, you'd have a great time... life is life - and there are more things that we have in common than things that make us different...... thanks for making the trip, you guys, I've had a lovely time.." ....

..... that's how I will always remember Winston, I suppose..... telling stories and watching the sunset.... his eyes twinkling when he got to the best bit of a tale.... his gravely voice and salt & pepper hair... how he seemed to enjoy everything that surrounded him - from the filet on his plate to the autumn pre-game air.... he was the kind of man that it was a true pleasure to be around....

... Winston Rand, folks..... HE WAS A PRETTY GOOD GUY..... and he will definitely be missed.....

Peace.....

.... times, places, people, things, moods, sounds, smells, tastes....... these are the things that our lives are made of, folks....... and this is beautiful.....

..... there is nothing quite like reclining beside a lazy riverbank and having yourself measured by an inchworm.......

Content....

.... my ancient Egyptian figurines are seriously letting me down..... all three of them are sitting here staring at me..... and not ONE of them is offering a SPECK of creative thought..... it's pretty dire.....

.... Horus is particularly disappointing.... I always had such high hopes for him....... Sekhmet?... she was always a bit hit-or-miss, really..... and truthfully, well, I never held out much hope for the scarab beetle.... but Horus?.... I thought for sure he'd be one helluva go-to guy.... so much for renewal, I guess...... it is more than a little disappointing......

..... in other news, an old pal of mine dropped by this afternoon for a few games of billiards and a tuna sandwich.... and I am happy to report that I held the table well..... and in spite of him being a fairly accomplished shootist, I managed to only concede two games out of seven........(unlike a few days ago when I played ole Big Stupid Tommy and beat him like a rented mule.... sorry, Tommy, but 0-8 is just rough..... feel free to come over any time!...) ....

..... anyway, I'm off to rummage for something to eat for dinner..... it's quarter til 7 and I am hungry!....

Africa.....

.... color me jealous.... very, very jealous...

.... oh, and in spite of me having culled the 'herd', there is another damnable squirrel on the birdfeeder this morning..... but hey, at least I don't have the same trouble as this intrepid fellow..... you rock, JT.... hit'em once for me......

Gone....

..... hey, does anyone know what the hell happened to Donnie/Bejus?......

..... which direction should we send the search party?......

Success.....

..... as I tended to my flowerbeds and preened the garden path to the patio today, I did so with a heavy and aching heart..... I tugged at weeds with a furrowed brow.... I daubed the sweat on my freckled forehead with the crushed heart of a wake attendee.....

.... why so glum when surrounded by the Wonder of Nature and bathed in the sweet, sticky fragrance of the climbing honeysuckle?...

.... well, I read of Winston's shattered dreams this morning before venturing out with my pesticides and weed killers......

.... so go now, gentle rubberneckers.... go now and offer your cheery thoughts to that brave, talented man... I too once aspired to goat counting as a profession...... so I know that his pain is real...... and it is at times like these, that we must all demonstrate to Our Fellow Man that we have hearts filled with sympathy.....

Busy....

..... nothing tonight, children...... been doing laundry, snacking heavily, writing, and daydreaming.......

.... but feel free to chew on this one for a while in lieu of other content....... I'll be back tomorrow with photos, videos, and tall, tall tales from the latest Scotland trip.....

..... vintage, folks..... vintage.....

... more tomorrow!... the stroganoff is almost done!....

Hmmmm...

...hmmm... there doesn't seem to be anybody home... nothing on but a couple of nite-lights... nobody been 'round here for at least a couple of days... guess that 'splains the bird poop all over the chairs on the back deck... wonder if this key from under the doormat... yeah, i'm in...

...hmmm... doesn't look like they left in a hurry so it must have been a planned thing... that or the missus is a cleanup freak... the type that feels compelled to clean house before the house keeper arrives... she impressed me as neat and clean, but not to that extreme... oh, well... oh, several bottles sitting out on the kitchen table... and a few used glasses... [sniff sniff]... hmmm... scotch, maybe a single malt...

...uh oh... somebody in the next room... [hiding behind the fridge] [peeking out] ... damn, there's a weird guy with a ... wtf? ... a colander on his head... and he's talking to somebody on his cell phone... sombody named betterman? no, bitterman... yelling at him now something about No, I ain't your damn pal so quit saying that...

...he hung up now and is heading off to another room, so i best be outta here while i can get out the back and sneak off into the woods... but i've seen enough here that interests me... be back when the coast is clear...

Fruit.....

..... good afternoon, gentle reader..... I hope that you are well....as for me, well, I'm just peachy...... and hey, that reminds me, I'm actually going to have peaches this year.... I'm stoked.....

... last spring I planted a little peach tree at the edge of the patio between two dogwoods..... the lady in the garden section of Lowes said that it would "look nice" with pretty pink blooms each spring.... and being in a rather delicate frame of mind at the time, I imagined that having a tree blossoming in pink set betwixt a bunch of white dogwoods would be just the springtime ticket.... so, as you do, I bought that baby and planted it the same day.... little did I know that peach trees and dogwoods bloom a month apart... (... I know that now, but hey, it's all good..) .... and what's more, I had NO IDEA that it would produce fruit after just one year!.... hot damn, I am excited... that little trooper is only four feet tall and it already has about twenty five little peaches about the size of acorns dotted all over it.....

.... and the grapevine I planted two years ago?..... oh yeah..... for the past two years it has steadily crawled across the railings of the deck near the steps...... I checked it yesterday and it is dripping with tiny little clusters of soon-to-be-grapes..... so I'm going to have peaches AND grapes this summer.... I can hardly wait....

.... I've always wanted to laze on my deck in the shade, find myself suddenly a bit peckish, and simply lean back, pick something off of a vine/tree/bush and slake my appetite in the most slothful way that I possibly could...... and this year, ladies and gentlemen, that hedonistic wish is just about to come true.....

.... anyhoo, speaking of hedonism, I'm off shortly - as in on Tuesday of next week - for my annual trip to Scotland to visit the in-laws at The World's Smallest Hilton.... as such, I shall be out of pocket until mid-month..... yeah, yeah, yeah.... I know that y'all are going to miss me terribly... but hey, I promise to come back with lots of stories about eating fancy sausages, photographing sheep, and sipping delicious adult beverages in the shadow of The Cairngorms... and probably at least one story about rain, fog, wind, etc.....

.... but yeah, since I will be offline, I hope to blackmail, bribe, coax a few bloggers into dropping by to post once in a while...... hell, I'd certainly hate to have you guys bored......

Ancient.....

... I'm continually amazed at how quickly the world spins by..... it seems like just yesterday I sat here and peered out into the woods outside the blogroom and marveled at the blooms, naked trunks, and scaly bark..... and now?..... it is completely green.... almost overnight, the trees have sprouted leaves...... even the sunflowers that The Missus planted a few days ago are already three inches tall..... one of them even has the 'shell' of the seed from which it sprung clinging to one of its leaves...... amazing.... that shell is gripping that green little leaf like there is no tomorrow......

.... in other news, I was playing around with some dialogue today and stumbled up on something that I found incredibly interesting..... around here, in the foothills of Appalachia, I often hear people use the word "hit" instead of "it" when speaking..... I had always just assumed that it was merely a product of the basic hillbilly accent..... but as I was digging through the dictionary today, I happened upon this little nugget from Webster.com..... check this out....

"Our Living Language : "I told Anse it likely won't be no need." This quotation from William Faulkner's As I Lay Dying demonstrates a use of it that occurs in some vernacular varieties of American speech. It is used instead of Standard English there when there functions as a so-called existential—that is, when there indicates the mere existence of something rather than a physical location, as in It was nothing I could do. Existential it is hardly a recent innovation—it appears in Middle English; in Elizabethan English, as in Marlowe's Edward II: "Cousin, it is no dealing with him now"; and in modern American literature as well. Although most British and American varieties no longer have this historical feature, it still occurs in some Southern-based dialects and in African American Vernacular English. Use of existential it may actually be increasing in some places, such as Smith Island, Maryland, a historically isolated community. While older Smith Islanders sometimes use existential it rather than there, younger islanders almost always do. · In some American vernacular dialects, particularly in the South (including the Appalachian and Ozark mountains), speakers may pronounce it as hit in stressed positions, especially at the beginning of a sentence, as in Hit's cold out here! This pronunciation is called a relic dialect feature because it represents the retention of an older English form. In fact, hit is the original form of the third person singular neuter pronoun and thus can be traced to the beginnings of the Old English period (c. 449-1100). Early in the history of English, speakers began to drop the h from hit, particularly in unaccented positions, as in I saw it yesterday. Gradually, h also came to be lost in accented positions, although hit persisted in socially prestigious speech well into the Elizabethan period. Some relatively isolated dialects in Great Britain and the United States have retained h, since linguistic innovations such as the dropping of h are often slow to reach isolated areas. But even in such places, h tends to be retained only in accented words. Thus, we might hear Hit's the one I want side by side with I took it back to the store. Nowadays, hit is fading even in the most isolated dialect communities and occurs primarily among older speakers. · This loss of h reflects a longstanding tendency among speakers of English to omit h's in unaccented words, particularly pronouns, such as 'er and 'im for her and him, as in I told 'er to meet me outside. This kind of h-loss is widespread in casual speech today, even though it is not reflected in spelling."

... emphasis mine, of course, but wow!..... all this time I have assumed that my Grandparents were just speaking with an accent..... but actually, it is just an ancient (and correct) form of English......

.... that's just plain cool.....

Beauty.....

...... not a whole lot going on around here this evening...... I spent most of the day reading, writing, and committing horrible acts of genocide against the various fire ant mounds out back while the lawn pixies mowed my yard.......

..... so since I have been so otherwise withheld today, I will take my leave and find comfier climbs than may be found here at the computer desk..... the patio is beckoning...... having said that, though, I can point you in the direction of a few interesting folks who definitely have things going on..... for instance:...

.... Sugar Britches has backslid.... and it is a beautiful, beautiful thing....

.... Boudicca gave me a splitting headache....... FIRST thing this morning....

.... Oom Keesie thinks I'm slothful..... hey, brother, I ain't slothful...... I'm just misunderstood...... I assure you that I am quite vigorous.....

..... The Piper is polishing his poetic side to a fairly bright luster...... brighter than usual, actually.....

.... Elisson has returned safe and sound from Nippon.... AND he has photos of himself in some odd silk dress and with matching waistcoat.....

.... and The Bitterman has an interesting post about 'being Southern' that definitely strikes a chord...... yes, sir, it surely does.......

..... there, see?..... plenty of lovely reading for y'all to do without me having to turn the proverbial finger!...... slothful, indeed...... humbug!....

..... so, with that, I'm off to sip a lovely 28 year old Dalmore and hold down the patio furniture......

... peace be upon you all..... oh, and before I forget.... hey, thanks for all the corn information you guys provided in the previous post...... I ate very well last night thanks to y'all.......

Corn.....

.... another day winding down...... and it has been a very good day...... I'm off to sit on the patio and treat myself to a gin and tonic.......

..... and hey, hammock weather has finally arrived..... and brothers & sisters, it has been sorely missed..... of course, this lovely weather has arrived on purpose..... nothing ever happens without some sort of Divine Good/Evil purpose around here..... indeed, Mother Nature is just teasing us with this 80-degree weather.... she knows that in a week or so we'll be knee-deep in the sub-Arctic Scottish springtime..... so yeah, she definitely likes to play her jokes...... and come to think of it, nobody ever brings anything small into a bar around here, either......

.... for the uninitiated, I stole that last line..... 'Harvey' was on yesterday and I re-watched it..... what a great, great movie..... and I quote:

Harvey and I sit in the bars... have a drink or two... play the juke box. And soon the faces of all the other people they turn toward mine and they smile. And they're saying, "We don't know your name, mister, but you're a very nice fella." Harvey and I warm ourselves in all these golden moments. We've entered as strangers - soon we have friends. And they come over... and they sit with us... and they drink with us... and they talk to us. They tell about the big terrible things they've done and the big wonderful things they'll do. Their hopes, and their regrets, and their loves, and their hates. All very large, because nobody ever brings anything small into a bar. And then I introduce them to Harvey... and he's bigger and grander than anything they offer me. And when they leave, they leave impressed. The same people seldom come back; but that's envy, my dear. There's a little bit of envy in the best of us.

Elwood P. Dowd, 1950

.... kinda reminds me of blogging..... no?

... by the way, anyone know how long you're supposed to boil corn-on-the-cob before it is ready to eat?......

Re-post....

.... The Missus has requested bbq'd pulled pork sandwiches and my garlic baked beans for dinner tonight..... and since I have been a complete slacker today and not posted, I figure that it is just about time to start mining the archives.... hey, content is content, yes?.... besides, I've got to go and cook dinner..... so here's one from late-January 2006..... (and yes, I wish that I were at the blogmeet in New Jersey instead of standing around here stirring beans..... ) .... I hope that you enjoy.....

... last night was spent tossing and turning... two distinct dreams woke me in the early hours... around five, the most erotic dream of my quiet, simple little life was experienced... mercy sakes.... I nearly had a damn heart attack.... I drank some water and had a cigarette as one does, and then returned to sleep...

... the second dream was more confusing... it involved an old barn that my Great Uncle owned... an ancient and weather-worn structure... bleached gray from years of enduring all-weathers, it stood at the edge of his tobacco patch beside a stand of hardwoods...it was tall and had a stone foundation... each end was open as to allow tractors pulling wagons to enter or exit from either side...

.... many was the day that I rode on the back of a tractor laden with thousands of pounds of freshly cut tobacco.. late August usually... hot sun and dust... hands caked with the sticky dried tobacco juice...

... once in the barn, all of us workers would take our places... climbing higher and higher into the rafters of the barn... stopping at our allocated places and balancing ourselves on the beams.... Then the tobacco would start moving... the man on the wagon would take a runner full of stalks and pass it to the first man... then up and up until the runner reached the top man... on and on this would be repeated until the barn was slowly filled - from top to bottom - with an entire field full of tobacco...

... the top man was probably fifty feet off the ground... I was always one rung below him... see, the higher you were, the less work you had to do... and as I was very young and the Top Man was very old, we took positions higher up.. lots of times I would hear his head thump the tin roof as he tried to straighten himself or swat a wasp... I'd laugh and he'd cuss... which ended up making me laugh even harder... (I wasn't old enough yet to be allowed to cuss)....

... anyway, the point of all this is to get to the dream... after all, if I could afford therapy, I surely wouldn't be writing and telling these stories to YOU people.... so, on to the dream...

... the guys on the wagon were acting up... they seemed to think that the Top Man and I were having it too easy... not pulling our weight, so to speak... but unknown to them, he and I had a problem...

... now, here are the mechanics of the situation... all of us, as we fill up our rows, are slowly backing up all the time... legs spread wide with our feet balancing on a old, slow-cured sapling that had been worn smooth by years and years of use... it was a precarious situation, to be sure.... but here is where it gets worse.... as we inched backwards, our backs were getting closer and closer to the other wall of the barn.... and it just so happened that a group of wasps had built their nest in the very top of the barn where the tin roof and wall met... the Top Man was backing up to the nest and he wasn't really too happy about it...

... so the guys down below are giving us grief... me and the Top Man were eyeball to eyeball with those wasps... the nest was a large one... about the size of a grapefruit... and it literally crawled with probably 150 red wasps...

... I asked the Top Man, since he had more experience, what we were going to do... he winked at me and said... "those fellers down on the wagon had better shet up... they're ˜bout to see why I'm REALLY the Top Man... but don't you worry about them bees, boy... we'll be just fine up here... "

.. I watched in amazement as he took off his battered John Deere baseball cap and gingerly turned himself around on the spindly rafters.... deftly holding on to the tin, he moved both feet to the same support, spun himself, and then balanced again facing the opposite direction... and in one movement, he cupped his baseball cap over the entire nest and squeezed it hard.... he pulled it away from where it was attached to the wall and then released it... as long as I live, I will never forget watching that cap fall... it was almost in slow-motion...

.... it was like watching Slim Pickens ride that A-bomb.. the cap dropping directly towards the wagon... the doe-eyed farmboys looking up at us and laughing....

... sheer pandemonium erupted when that cap hit the wagon.... grown men and boys leaped from the wagon as a cloud of pissed off wasps began swarming... hardened, tobacco-chewing workmen loped like schoolboys and screamed like girls...

... me and the Top Man... we watched it all as it happened... safely perched as chaos ensued...

... so here I sit this morning.. half a pot of coffee down me, and I still can't figure out why I dreamed of the Top Man... and I shudder to think of the wasps..

... goodnight, rubberneckers!....

Writing.....

.... no content tonight, hammerheads (or for the past week/month, actually)....... and I am terribly sorry....... been working on some other stuff instead....... but I will leave you guys & gals with the song that has been on repeat here at The Compound while I've worked...... I've found that Prine in the background allows me to be quite productive.......

..... and there is just something about fingerpicking that soothes the soul....... I posted it about a year ago, I think, but it still calms me...... so, enjoy..... or not.....

.... either way, tomorrow is the 14th anniversary of my being wed to The Missus...... so just prepare yourselves for photographs.... lots and lots of photographs........ 14 years, my goodness...... I was seven months away from turning 22 at the time we got hitched......... now I'm closing in on 36 with a vengeance........ how the time does fly......

Joining....

.... long, long ago I was broken from the urge to "join" just about anything...... but having said that, this right here sounds like a pretty damn good idea.....

Visits...

.... I was graced with a visit from The Blogson yesterday evening, and an enjoyable visit it was.... ole RSM stopped by for some pizza & drinks before continuing his northeasterly amble.... we dined on a Domino's Hawaiian Feast pizza with extra provolone.... and then sat on the couch, sipped a beautiful 28-year old Dalmore, and swapped a few hours worth of military tales.... all in all, not a bad way to spend a few hours..... excellent conversation and an extraordinary scotch...

..... as for today, well, I have a cauldron of my bolognaise sauce simmering away on the stove..... so this cool, gray day will be splashed with a giant dollop of yummy color this evening....

.... trust me, folks, gray days seem much less gray once you apply a proper spaghetti sauce to them.....

.... no, really.... you should try it some time and see.... then again, some sort of pie might work as well.....

Movies.....

.... Hell hath frozen over, I'm afraid.... since I am about to do a dreaded meme.....

.... Elisson has tagged me - and since I am absolutely and completely without creative juices this afternoon, I'll play along..... here goes... according to Big E, here's the "drill"....

Here’s the drill: Look up 15 of your favorite movies on IMDB.

Take a quote from each and post them for your readership to properly identify.

As your movie-savvy readers correctly identify the quotes’ cinematic origins in the comments, strike out the quotes and name the commenter who answered correctly.

If the commenter also identifies the name of the speaker (the character or the actor), he or she gets bonus points in the form of a link to his or her site.
Simple, huh?

OK, let’s see what kind of Movie Buff you are. Oh, and no fair using IMDB or other Internet-related sources. It’s more fun if you try to figure these out from memory:

..... here you go, rubberneckers...... guess away.....

1. "Trouble? Eh, what trouble" Robert Redford - "Jeremiah Johnson" ... reader Leelu

2. "I'm trying to be a gentleman here. Now, get on your knees, put your ass in the air, and don't move until I say to." "The Two Jakes" - Bou from Boudicca's Voice...

3. "Why, by God, girl, that's a Colt's Dragoon! You're no bigger than a corn nubbin, what're you doing with all this pistol?" True Grit - John Wayne as Rooster Cogburn - Snuggharbor

4. "My darling girl, when Ramses destroyed Syria, that was an accident. You are a catastrophe!" "The Mummy" - Sandy

5. "My dad wanted me to be a baseball player" "The Natural" - reader TBird....

6. "Jesus Palomino, a Nazi. I knew it, you're all in cahoots. Well let me tell you something, Mr. Heinie Kraut, I fought your kind in the great war, and we kicked the living shit out of you!" "1941" - Captain SQL!...

7. "I can't stand these things... it's like drinking coffee through a veil." "Charade" - Teresa of Technicalities...

8. "You don't like it, do you Rocco, the storm? Show it your gun, why don't you? If it doesn't stop, shoot it." "Key Largo" Jean from Beauvoir Glass....

9. "Badges? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinking badges." "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre" - Primordial Slack

10. "Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be" - she always called me Elwood - "In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me." "Harvey"..... Beauvoir Glass....

11. "What the hell do you mean "cowardly blacks?" They died on your side, didn't they? And who the hell do you think is coming to wipe out your little command? The Grenadier Guards?" "Zulu" - Hoosierboy

12. "Then he showed those men of will what will really was." "The Usual Suspects" - Reader Tommy

13. "All your life you live so close to truth it becomes a permanent blur in the corner of your eye. And when something nudges it into outline, it's like being ambushed by a grotesque." "Rosencrantz And Gildenstern Are Dead" - The Bitterman from The Smoking Toaster...

14. "With a bit of a mind flip." "Rocky Horror Picture Show" - Eric from YouBitch!...

15. "Well, he should have armed himself if he's going to decorate his saloon with my friend." "The Unforgiven".... Joe, Mr. Beerbrains....

.... good luck, hammerheads!....

Legs....

..... you know, when seeking Truth, it is always best to first consult the Internet.... especially blogs..... even after more than four years of propping this beast of a website up every single day, I am still continually amazed by the wonders that I discover....

.. like this, for instance.......

.... good god, ladies and gentlemen, I do so love the Internet...... and hey, I look pretty good in a kilt!....

.... (but for the record, I have really only worn a kilt once..... and was banned early the next morning from every wearing one again due to behavioral problems the night before....) .....

Bloggers.....

.... I let Sylvia stretch her legs yesterday and piloted her up to Knoxville to have dinner with a few local bloggers there.... and it was a very enjoyable evening that unfortunately ended too soon, but I am glad that I went..... it was nice to meet a few new bloggers AND to finally put faces with some names that I've read in cyberspace for years and years....... say what you will, but blogging is one helluva interesting social experiment.... and it is always surprising......

... blogging may be a time-wasting hobby, but blogmeets are never boring!.....

.... in other non-related news, I have just been informed that I am to spend the larger part of today loafing in and around the vicinity of Cleveland, Tennessee with The Missus.... evidently there is some sort of "Fresh Market" that has just opened up down there and it has been slated for an "exploratory visit" by our ever-vigilant recon team..... oh, and she wants to watch the latest Nicholas Cage vehicle at their cinema, too....

.... so, gentle rubberneckers, that is my Plan Of The Day.... peruse some fresh broccoli, pick up a salmon steak or two, and wallow in a juicy conspiracy theory movie while The Missus lusts silently for Mr. Cage.... hey, it could be worse, I guess..... I could have to sit through another Daniel Craig flick..... and really?.... I truly dig watching the clientele of high-priced fresh markets pick and choose their organically grown papayas..... it is a wonderfully grounding experience....... I just wish that it were warm enough to drop Sylvia's top for the ride..... but spring will be here soon!....

Jobs....

.... this song has been an earworm for me all day long..... ALL DAY LONG.... enjoy, rubberneckers.....

... personally, I blame Velociman...... but hey, I did get a haircut just the other day.... so there is that.....

Alive....

...... Wow...... happy New Year.......

Thaw.....

.... as strange as it sounds, my humble home will be the focus of my family's Christmas celebrations this season.... and due to scheduling conflicts, prior engagements, and working rotations among all of the participants, tonight has been deemed to be The Night.... gifts will be exchanged and a meal - cooked by my own hot little hands - will be wolfed down..... and I'll probably end up downing a few gin and tonics myself....... so that is today....

.... last night, however, I was roped into watching back-to-back Seinfeld episodes until time for beddie-bye.... of particular note were the "Festivus" episode and the one where Elaine sends out those Christmas cards where she was accidentally baring one of her nipples..... somehow I can't help but find the irony in "Christmas" being at my home on the annual date of "Festivus"....

.... and depending on how well dinner goes down, we may or may not end up having an "Airing of Grievances" ..... I did buy some kickass gifts for everyone, though, so that might keep them distracted from the quality of the roasted potatoes & grilled pork loin.... hey, getting lots of free stuff once a year tends to leave people distracted, so it might just work....

.... I will confess one little thing though - I had initially been tasked with roasting a turkey for Christmas dinner..... and I had one too.... a nice, big, fat hen..... the problem was that she was also frozen stiffer than a damn anvil..... I never knew that turkeys could freeze that hard, folks...... so my 12lbs of rock-hard turkey did not thaw out in the two days that I had allotted... thus the pork loin substitution at the last minute.....

.... so I have a question for Mr. Debonaire about the proper thawing of turkeys.....

... see, the label says that letting the frozen bird thaw at room temperature is strictly verbotten and will likely cause all of your holiday guests to die of some weird intestinal ailment before New Years ala Monty Python's "Meaning of Life"...... BUT keeping the damnable bird in the fridge to let it soften up takes aproximately 18 fucking months.....

.... and so the question is, what is the simplest way of thawing a frozen turkey in the shortest time possible?.... or do I just have to practice my Russian accent, open the fridge every so often, poke it with a trowel and pretend it's a Siberian mammoth?...... the label lied, Mr. Debonaire..... so what's the scoop?....

... oh, and Happy Festivus!.... no turkey tonight, friends..... we be eating high on the hog instead.... but that was not the plan....

Tree'd.....

.... well, boys and girls, the tree is up and decorated..... but I had to put my foot down and drew the line at draping tinsel from ceiling fan to ceiling fan..... how weird was that idea?....

... anyway, the l