.... here's the in-class essay that I wrote just before leaving for Scotland........

By Eric SWG

Definitions of what constitutes rude behavior in human beings are as varied and complicated as human beings themselves. Indeed, cultural and societal differences have morphed so much over time that it is practically impossible to find a rude behavior that someone, somewhere would probably find acceptable. Belching, for instance, is considered rude by most standards. But to many ancient Norwegians it was actually considered a compliment to the chef and a sign of satiated satisfaction. Personally, I find think the ancient Norwegians were wrong regarding their views of belching. I am a tolerant man, and I am capable of looking over most behavior that people consider rude. I have, however, found that farting, skinny-dipping, and picking one’s nose in public are actions with which I cannot abide.

Breaking wind was once considered a spectator sport during my childhood, and through the course of my life I have met individuals who had raised it practically to an art form. I now consider such behavior absolutely abhorrent, and I tend to pick and choose my friends primarily on their ability to respect my nostrils and personal space. In Scotland I once met a man who dined almost exclusively on Indian cuisine, and one could both smell and hear his flatulent approach from twenty yards away. Needless to say, he was not a fellow with which I cavorted willingly. Farting is rude. I have known men who left me feeling physically assaulted after they had broken wind.

Skinny-dipping is on a lot of people’s bucket lists. These people are mostly city dwellers who have no real grasp of what creatures lurk in countryside watering holes. Skinny-dipping is a prime of how different people consider different human activities wholesome, while other people find them rude. On the surface, skinny-dipping can seem quite innocuous, but it is not. I once happened upon a group of middle-aged suburbanites taking a dip in a local creek. I was hunting and well camouflaged, so I spied on them for the better part of an hour. It wasn’t until exited the water that I realized that they were in flagrante. The trauma of witnessing their sagging, mud-flecked, soggy, naked bodies has haunted me far into my adulthood.

Every human being has a nose, and every human being has fingers. The problem arises when these two anatomical entities begin exploration. There is nothing more disturbing and rude than watching some yahoo go elbow-deep while sitting at a traffic light. I have seen it on more occasions that I would hazard to recall. Picking one’s nose should be a secretive, solitary, intimate endeavor. Picking one’s nose also has the added rudeness of what to do when one actually found what one was looking for. The product of excavating nasal cavities is boogers, and what exactly is one to do with a booger while waiting for the traffic light to change? The idea is just disgusting.

Rudeness is a highly subjective idea. Our cultures and societies have created hypothetical lists of things one should and shouldn’t do. I can tolerate most people and their individual idiosyncrasies. There are certain things that do make me cringe though. People who pass gas are not only rude, they are disgusting as well. Gentlemen and women who imagine that their vehicle is somehow hiding the fact that they are busily fingering their nostrils are also disgusting and rude. Skinny-dippers should post adequate signage before beginning their frolic lest innocent wanderers be blinded. Skinny-dipping is perhaps the most rude of my list, actually. There is a reason that Playboy bunnies were all born in 1992. No one wants to see naked octogenarians.

.... ended up with a 1st semester gpa of 3.66...... not to bad for a first-timer, I guess.....

by Eric on May 18, 2012 | Bullshit (1) | TrackBack (0) | Ummm, Ok....
Bullshit So Far

Heh. Now that there's a blogpost, sonny.

You mention belching. I can tell you that while we Westerners find it abhorrent, it is considered to be a compliment to both food and chef by the Japanese, who in this regard are like unto the Norwegians. Years ago, the Missus and I entertained a brace of Japanese colleagues at our home in Houston... a signal honor for our visitors, for whom a home-cooked dinner is a mark of very close friendship (most business entertaining being conducted in restaurants and/or nightclubs).

The Missus prepared a lovely meal, which our guests ate with considerable noisy lip-smacking relish. Afterward, they belched up a storm. SWMBO was all set to freak out but I took her aside and quietly explained the cultural facts of life to her. What seemed rude to us, I told her, was in fact to them the highest compliment they could convey.

(Did I mention that we were all of 25 years old at the time?)

Now, cultural differences are fine and all, but I'll tell you right up front that if you drop a deuce on my dining room table, I will take offense.

Bullshitted by Elisson on May 18, 2012 08:31 PM