Coaches....

..... I read this article with great interest...... and if you are a fan of SEC football, I suggest that you do the same, for it is, after all, quite enlightening in regards to historic SEC coaches......

.... back in the summer of 1982, my Father arrived home from work a bit early on a Friday, and proclaimed that we - as a family - would spend the weekend camping at Indian Boundary Lake - a beautiful campsite just north of Tellico Plains, Tennessee....

.... I remember the summer of 1982 as being exceedingly hot and humid...... the previous winter had produced icicles the size of tree trunks, and the summer didn't disappoint in the humidity department either....

... that was, of course, the summer between Mr. Majors coaching The Volunteers to a win in the 1981 Garden State Bowl vs. Wisconsin, and the 1982 Peach Bowl where Iowa beat us 28-22.....

... anyway, my Father was not much of a football fan back in the day and neither was I..... but on that clear, sweltering Sunday evening as we drove down the mountain from our weekend campsite at Indian Boundary, he was in an unusually festive mood..... (perhaps Momma had scratched an itch or two in the tent while my little brother and I fell asleep on the ground near the campfire..) .... hey, stranger things have happened, right?....

.... but in reality, I don't recall most of that long ago weekend trip....... it was hot, sure..... and mosquitoes dive-bombed us like Messersmitts over Dunkirk...... oh, and the lake was full of nibbling fish and alga-blooms.... but other than that, I remember blue skies, laughing children, and roasted marshmallows.... and I also remember Johnny Majors.....

.... the drive down the mountain to Tellico was only about 15 miles or so, but in The World Before Cell Phones, a broken-down vehicle meant either hitching or hoofing.... well, that's where we found Mr. Majors..... I remember my Mom and Dad rubbernecking an abandoned car - pushed to the side of the mountain road as we slowed to peek for foul play..... hood up, driver's side door ajar, there was no one to be seen...... but after zipping by a few more curves, a lone, disheveled, staggering fellow was seen in the distance...... and figuring that it was the owner of the car (and figuring rightly, of course.), my Father stopped and offered the hard-luck gentleman a lift into town.....

.... he was a sight to behold.... smelling of day-old bourbon and sporting a few flecks of leaflitter in his wild hair, he said nary a word as he climbed into the back seat with my little brother and I.... I remember my Mother saying, "Hello.".... and my Father inquiring as to where he was headed.... but for the most part, conversation would best be described as scant..... bordering on non-existent.....

..... anyhoo, once we arrived in downtown Tellico Plains we docked our 1972 Impala land-yacht at a Mom & Pop gas station and Dad popped the front seat forward so that Johnny could exit..... I remember him creaking a bit and moaning as the bright sunlight hit is eyes - the big back seat of an old Impala had obviously protected him from the Sunshine's angry glare....

.... my Dad walked him over to a payphone and asked him if he'd be alright..... I couldn't hear exactly what was said, but I remember seeing my Father suddenly dip into his front pockets for some change... he handed over what he found, and made his way back to the car....

... things were quiet for the rest of the ride home.... country roads curved by as we passed farms, fields, and hillsides...... it wasn't until a few weeks had passed and we had my Uncle & his family over for dinner that I was finally clued in on the identity of my fellow back-seat traveler...

.... Uncle Bob was greedily gnawing on a freshly grilled ribeye when my Pa started in..... "You are a football fan, arentcha?..... Well, you'll never guess who I picked up heading for Coker Creek drunker than Cooter Brown a couple weeks ago...... it was Johnny Majors...... sumbitch still owes me sixty cents for the payphone, too...".....

.... hey, we all knew that he was one helluva football coach.... but I also know that - once up on a time - he could pull an all-nighter with the best of 'em.....

by Eric on March 14, 2011 | Bullshit (2) | TrackBack (0) | Ummm, Ok....
Bullshit So Far

But could he hang with the Blowneyes?

Bullshitted by zonker on March 17, 2011 03:31 PM

... funny you should ask that, Zonker...... actually, now that I am an adult, I do believe that he looked EXACTLY like he had partied in Helen, GA the night before.....

Bullshitted by Eric on March 17, 2011 08:08 PM