Cellophane....

...... have you ever wondered what you'd do if you suddenly found yourself in possession of some sandwich ham, Dijon mustard, a filet steak, a bit of black pepper, half a stick of butter, a large handful of mushrooms, a clove of garlic, some frozen puff pastry dough, an egg, and a piece of cellophane?.....

..... me?.... hey, I often find myself pondering just such eventualities whilst going about my day..... and since I do enjoy being a helpful fellow from time to time, I'll go ahead and share......

... now, if you ever do find yourself in a room with all of those items mentioned above, here is a small suggestion of what you should probably do to keep from being bored.....

... take the garlic, butter, and black pepper and throw it all in a hot skillet for a while..... then mince up your mushrooms until you get tired of chopping..... (my right arm is quite strong, actually, so I spent a considerable time chopping the Hades out of my mushrooms.).... once they are chopped to your satisfaction, toss them in the skillet with the garlic and cook'em.....

... take the piece of cellophane and lay it down nice and straight on your kitchen counter/table/etc... (unless you are preparing this in another room of the house, of course, then you'll just need to find yourself a flat, hard, clean surface.) .... anyway, once it is down, layer your sandwich ham like so.....

wellington1_small.jpg

.... allow your garlic'd mushrooms to cool... once cooled, spread them over the ham like so.....

wellington2_small.jpg

.... pepper down your filet steak and then coat it liberally with your Dijon mustard.... and then position like so.....

wellington3_small.jpg

.... now, ever-so-carefully roll (using the cellophane to help) roll your ham around your steak.... transfer your naked Wellington to a baking tray and drape it with your puff pastry - making sure to wrap it around your naked Wellington entirely..... take the egg and whip it lustily until you are satisfied that it is properly punished..... then coat your Wellington with it...... if you are fairly good at following directions now, it should look something like this......

wellington4_small.jpg

... now, bake that baby at 425 for about 30 minutes......

..... and with any luck, it should look quite similar to this.......

wellington5_small.jpg

.... and the inside?..... mmmm......

wellington6_small.jpg

... nice, eh?..... endless variations on a theme, gentle rubberneckers, endless.......

.... and now you know how to make a Poor Man's Beef Wellington.....

by Eric on April 03, 2010 | Bullshit (5) | TrackBack (0) | Ummm, Ok....
Bullshit So Far

I make a similar Beef Wellington but use Braunschweiger in place of the ham. It is delicious!

Bullshitted by Michelle on April 3, 2010 04:50 PM

Y'know, I generally criticize your kitchen experiments, but this one I approve of quite heartily.

Bullshitted by Andy on April 3, 2010 06:40 PM

When I first started reading this post, all I could think was, "I've stumbled into an episode of 'Chopped' on the Food Network!" They hand four contestant chefs a pile of semi-random ingredients and give them 30 minutes to make a dish out of 'em. Son, you need to get yourself signed up... you'd kick some serious ass...

Bullshitted by Elisson on April 3, 2010 08:35 PM

Damn!!!

Bullshitted by Yabu on April 5, 2010 08:14 AM

Yum.

Bullshitted by The Maximum Leader on April 6, 2010 12:58 PM