......... I am sore, sore ashamed as this evening begins to ready itself for bed, friends....... for the index, birdie, ring finger, and pinkie of my right hand all sport at least two burst blisters this warm autumn night.......
..... the offending implement?..... a pair of pruning shears..... the venue?....... the vine-tangled woods behind The Compound here...... and the task?...... to find Elisson's 28-year old rocket that he and the rest of those hellions launched (and lost) a few weeks ago at the 4th Annual Hysterics at Eric's......
.... why the pruning shears?.... well, the undergrowth in the adjoining woods is damn near impenetrable....... so, I decided that I would arm myself with a set of shears and take my time....... snipping at the branches as I made my way slowly - methodically - through the forest......... clearing a path, so to speak........
.... good god........ after just over two hours of constant snipping, peering into the underbrush, and holding my arm forth to block the sun as I scoured the treetops, I have failed........ no bloody rocket, folks....
.... the REAL kicker?..... if my Father were alive to know that a little pair of snippers done such a number on my keyboard-bound hands?..... after all those years of him having me help him build split-rail fence all over McMinn county with a twenty pound tamping rod, a pole axe, and a set of post hole diggers?....... well, I think I'd be doing a fair set of push-ups tonight to make up for a LOT of lost time....
.... I mean, c'mon..... blisters from two hours of manning a set of pruning shears whilst strolling around a forest looking for lost rockets?......... Jesus Christ, I need to bust some firewood or something before I lose ALL of my hillbilly credibility........ lest the ghost of my wood-busting Daddy conjure up itself and kick my ass into next Tuesday......
..... once upon a time I could work a double-bitted axe for an entire day straight..... then?..... I was sixteen years old...... and now that I am 37, a pair of damnable hedge clippers kick my ass.......... my ancestors must be weeping......... good god.......
Now you'll appreciate what a miracle it was this past June when I played 90 (count 'em) holes of golf in three days - that's five 18-hole rounds - without getting a single blister.
Don't feel bad, Eric... maybe it's your pruning shears. Getcha a nice pistol grip on them suckers and they'll be just fine.
Bullshitted by Elisson on November 16, 2009 10:21 PMI was thnking you should take up golf (like Elisson. It will rough up your hands, but it is much more fun that post-hole diggers or shears. I do have a funny story about lost shears, but this is not my blog. And I have lost many an estes rocket.
Bullshitted by lou on November 17, 2009 08:47 AMThat rocket is in the "top" of a tree...you're gonna a chainsaw.
Bullshitted by Yabu on November 17, 2009 09:46 AMI love your blogs. Hysterical most of the time, thought provoking at other times. Your writings are addictive and have become one of my most favorite voyueristic (sp) activities. I know, possibly disturbing, but I'm a bored and very isolated house wife lost some where out in the boonies that these hillbillys call 'woods'... if you'd lost your rocket here... we'd be able to find it... no problem. ;) Stand up straight, lean your head back to the right just a smidge and give one of those knowingly 'awes'... "there it is"... "Look Pa, No shears"... ROTFL
Bullshitted by Rogue on November 17, 2009 04:50 PMYOU'RE YOUNGER than I am? (not by a lot, but dang!) Well, shoot, here I was looking up to your mature wisdom... but this post... well, I guess it shows you in a totally new light. :)
Bullshitted by Lemon Stand on November 17, 2009 07:08 PMAt least as old as I am at 44. You're just a young whipper snapper! Of course, if you had as many teenage daughters as we do, you'd be pretty damn old before your time... Although, I must say that since my husband works in munitions, missiles, rockets, bombs and bullets I must say that he seems pretty wise to me despite his age. He would have loved your rocket send off. Something about the difference between men and boys is the size of their toys. Course, we won't post about the time he was teaching the kids about black powder out in the yard. (This is the man who made a mini civil war canon in metal shop in high school that really worked!) Yep, I think it best we keep the two of you separated.... There's no telling what things you guys would concoct...
Bullshitted by Lemon Stand on November 17, 2009 07:20 PMI still remember the first time I accidentally turned a screw the wrong way in my Dad's presence while trying to loosen it. The disparaging comments I received ensured that it was the last time.
Bullshitted by Mark on November 22, 2009 05:14 AM