Description......

.... ceramic, homemade, and approximately two inches tall, he is gazing at me with largish eyes that protrude slightly from his faintly lopsided noggin.....

... each leg consists of a sphere with the final 1/4 flattened removed so that he can balance properly..... and his torso - as rotund as it is - is merely another sphere of greenish ceramic roughly four times larger than each leg......

... there is a thoraxish area between his head and tummy which acts as a sort of "neck", I suppose.......an afterthought by whomever crafted him, no doubt..... although to use the term "him" is purely random, as he/she has no visible genitalia of any sorts.....

.... which, actually, is a very, very good thing....... (but I shall continue to use the term "he" hereafter for two main reasons...... firstly, when I was given him, I was told that he was the "Pea God"..... and since God's are usually male, there you go..... and secondly, he vaguely resembles a very tiny penis if viewed from the correct angle..... so, "he", it is..)

.... his head was once a sphere as well - roughly the same size as his torso.... but unknown hands that sported opposing thumbs and forefingers did a number on that sphere and created a "head"...... I would guess from evidence provided by my own proddings that his "eye sockets" were likely the result of two thumbs being pressed into a soft ball of clay once upon a time........ and, indeed, there appear to be forefinger imprints on the backside of his head..... hey, how better to create a "head" than to take a ball and press it between two fingers and two thumbs?.....

..... as an afterthought, though, The Creator was kind enough to give Mr. Pea God a pair of tiny ears by taking those same two sets of fingers and pinching the outer orbits of the aforementioned eye sockets......

.... the only other details that really are sharable are the eyes themselves, and the arms.....

..... the eyes are simply little flattened balls of clay that have been delicately placed inside the sockets and then jabbed with what appears to be a tooth pick (to create the pupil).......

.... the arms, though, they really do set the scene....... little spaghetti-like things that drape themselves delicately around the "torso" they draw the eye both upwards to the face - and downwards towards the chubby legs at the same time..... creating a weird sort of nodding motion if you look at the sculpture for too long at any given time....

...... funnily enough, the left hand seems to have three fingers while the right has four....... I can only assume that this is a feature of the Pea God - and not a design flaw.......

... ahhhh, and lest I forget the rest of the "face"!...... I must admit that it is so very, very serene...... so much so that it almost reminds you of those lemurs off of "Madagascar"..... and the eyes!.... those large, soulful, peering eyes!........ and those two flaring nostrils and that wisp of a mouth!.......

..... did I mention that the entire thing diarrhea green?.......

.... anyhoo..... any artists out there?..... feel free to send me a sketch and I will gladly post it........ my digital camera is on the fritz...... then again, perhaps the Great Internet is not ready to be introduced to The Pea God just yet........ goodness knows that I certainly wasn't when he was given to ME....

by Eric on August 25, 2009 | Bullshit (2) | TrackBack (0) | Ummm, Ok....
Bullshit So Far

You may not be aware of the stringent rituals associated with the proper worship of the Pea-God...

...as a preliminary, a series of psalms is recited, followed by a doxology or two and a selection from the Holy (Recipe) Book before moving on to the Wine 'n' Crackers...

...but the part everyone looks forward to is that pause between the Processional and the Recessional...

...known as the Pea-Break...

Bullshitted by Elisson on August 26, 2009 08:42 PM

... Dad?..... you're killing me, man....... you really are!..... hahahaha...

Bullshitted by Eric on August 26, 2009 08:59 PM