..... do those guys at 'MonsterQuest' ever actually find evidence of anything, or is that show simply the biggest tease since that whole Joel/Maggie thing on 'Northern Exposure'?..... I mean, giant eels in The Great Lakes?..... a giant octopus lurking out in the Pacific?...... Big Foot supposedly sighted in nearly every state?.... a friggin chupacabra in Texas?....... after an hour spent watching that crap, they never, ever find it!.....

... Jesus Christ, it's worse than spending 1990 to 1995 waiting for Joel to get Maggie damp enough to mount on prime-time TV......

... having said that, though, MonsterQuest is not without its moments..... for instance, I just overheard some bespectacled expert say, "the oceans are our last great wilderness.... with depths exceeding 30,000 feet, 97% of our ocean's & seas remain unexplored.."

.... 97%.... great, holy Mother of God, people..... why are those idiots hiding in the bushes in Saskatchewan, living on stale peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, and waiting in vain for a 9-foot Big Foot when there could be GODKNOWSWHAT swimming around in the middle of the Pacific Ocean?!?....

.... I know that I'm a bit excitable tonight, and I apologize.... it's just that I have always been a fan of all creatures, great and small..... sure, I hunt them & enjoy eating the occasional one, but I do love to learn about them as well..... I'm the guy who always gets the video bonus questions on 'Cash Cab' about critters.....

... even when I was just a pup, I wanted to be a zoologist..... (an aspiration that was quashed when I first caught sight of an elephant taking a dump at the Knoxville Zoo, but that's for another time.)..... but now?.... I can still see a spotted jungle cat and say, "ooohhh... that's an ocelot!"..... I've even been known to stop while channel surfing and surprise The Missus by saying, "wow!.... what a beautiful Malaysian Honey Bear!"..... her: "WTF is a honey bear?"......

.... so, yeah..... I know a bit about the animals that roam around this planet we share...... and while I am absolutely in love with the whole idea of Stanley wandering around Africa and the whole "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?", those days have passed now...... but I still do love the idea of wandering a jungle - clad in the finest khakis - just to see what is around the next corner....

.... but you know what?..... whatever I found?.... it most certainly isn't going to be a damnable Big Foot, Yeti, Vampire, or chupafriggincabra.....

... the mind boggles, truly....... and I suspect that - in all honesty - the vast oceans are the only place left on earth where we might find ourselves wandering around, exploring, and have the Honest Chance of double-checking our digital camera and screaming, "what the FUCK was THAT?"..... and "that" being a real something that we've never seen before.......

.... but then again, I haven't spent much time in California..... so I might be wrong on the digital camera thing.....

by Eric on February 04, 2009 | Bullshit (11) | TrackBack (0) | Psycho Rants
Bullshit So Far

Oh yes, you'll definitely see things you've never seen before in California! Come on out, and I'll take you to Venice beach. There's definitely some unusual wildlife there. "What the FUCK was THAT?" would be putting it mildly!

Bullshitted by DogsDontPurr on February 4, 2009 08:43 PM

Vague shadows and possible movement, guy shouting, "oh, look, did you see it, right there, right there" -- uh, no, sure didn't see any monsters! (Or anything else, thank you very much.)

Much more into Mythbusters. Those guys have some fun!

Bullshitted by Kath on February 4, 2009 11:05 PM

California, the final frontier. Home of Pelosi, Boxer, and Feinstein...Larry, Moe, and Curly too!!!

Bullshitted by JihadGene on February 5, 2009 12:36 AM

I'm pretty sure the bespectacled dude said that 97% of the oceans were unexplored... but that's a mere typo... the point is made...

There are more things between heaven and earth than are dreamt of in our philosophy, but I'm pretty sure chupafriggincabras are not amongst them... nor are zombies... but we humans must have our myths. Leviathan lives! And I have eaten of his flesh.

Bullshitted by Elisson on February 5, 2009 09:47 AM

... nice catch, Elisson..... like I said, I was excited last night and didn't pay attention......

Bullshitted by Eric on February 5, 2009 12:23 PM

I like the ghost hunter shows too. Hilarity!

Just Damn!

Bullshitted by Dax Montana on February 5, 2009 12:30 PM

To Dax:

Those ghost shows are the same -- bunch of people going -- "oh, did see that?" No. No, I didn't.

And why is it always at night? Or in the dark with spooky flashlights? Don't you think real ghosts can hang out in the daytime, too?

Bullshitted by Kath on February 5, 2009 02:02 PM

Oh I wish I had enough patience to sit through those things - if only to end up with a blog post. But really about 10 minutes into the show, I want to throw things at the tv. Since that's a rather expensive way to show my displeasure and does nothing at all to remove said shows from television - I just don't watch them.

Bullshitted by Teresa on February 5, 2009 02:20 PM

I got it on good authority. Female Bush Pilots ain't easy.
I've heard stories about big animals wandering the woods. Mostly cats, big black cats. I've talked to people who swear they've seen them. Okay, but animals leave spoor and in all my years in the woods, I ain't never seen a pug mark bigger than a bobcat's.
Though, there was a time on a muddy creek bank when I thought I'd struck dinosaur sign or the biggest damn wild turkey in the world. A few minutes later I busted out of the woods on a road in front of some guy's house. There was an Emu standing in his front yard. Well..there went my fifteen minutes of fame.
Henry Morton Stanley? Hell, he survived Shiloh. I figure everything he did after that was on borrowed time.

Bullshitted by Tbird on February 5, 2009 09:18 PM

I've seen some odd stuff turn up in my camera, but it's usually after a visit to WalMars.
I've rarely made it through an entire episode of MonsterQuest. Now, Mythbusters... those guys have way too much fun. And I'll take Mike Rowe doing a Dirty Job any time I can.

Bullshitted by LeeAnn on February 6, 2009 07:16 PM

Have you watched any of the BBC's Blue PLanet series? Sir David Attenborough (my hero) has the coolest job on the planet! Every time they filmed, it seemed they identified a new species. And the part where they found the LAKE at the bottom of the Pacific- complete with waves and tidal action- Holy Sheep Shit, Batman!

Bullshitted by Holder on February 6, 2009 08:17 PM