.... I wandered into my sleepy little town this morning for a haircut.... and an hour and a half later I was finally back home.... I had arrived fifteen minutes prior to my appointment to find Eva in mid-snip with an extremely chatty octogenarian while another elderly lady watched on..... I settled myself in, lit up a cigarette, and watched those three old birds chirp and cackle.....

.... the topic for today's Little Southern Hair Salon?.... well, the woman that Eva was working her hairspray magic on seemed to be having chicken troubles.... something about a tiny hole in their fence and how she had to shoo them all back into their coop two or three times per day... and how thankful she was that she only had chickens and no roosters..... she giggled once and eyed everyone in the room evilly.... her eyes sparkled just a tiny bit, and she began....

"that Mamma hen decided she'd try to get out yesterday, but she learned her lesson..... just because those little chicks can slip out through that tiny gap, she now knows SHE certainly cant!.... she had her head and most of her neck out of that hole and she got herself STUCK.... HA!.... I bet I stretched her little neck THREE inches trying to pull her out backards!".....

.... folks, I was born and raised in the country..... this IS my proverbial neck of the woods..... and I was awestruck....

... the conversation then went on to the mythical existence of blue chicken eggs... they were 2 to 1 against, in case you are curious... but the one who claimed that they did indeed exist was not a woman to be put off lightly.... in fact, she was quite steadfast in her belief that not only did blue chicken eggs actually exist (she said she'd seen'em being laid with her very own eyes!), but she went one further and reported that she'd also seen a white chicken lay a GREEN egg once.... whoooo boy, you could have cut the tension in the room with a butter knife, let me tell ya....

... after the egg argument subsided and a general decorum had been harrumphingly reached, the conversation turned to lazy Southern school daze gone by.... and then, almost instinctively, each of them shared a very touching story about being set upon and 'flogged' by giant, vicious cockerels when they were just young lasses..... I was amazed...... there was talk of Sunday dresses ripped to shreds, petticoats being carelessly torn, and more than one tear being shed out of complete fear for their lives.....

... good god...... having never raised chickens before, I have to admit that I had absolutely no idea that roosters attacked young Southern girls back in the 1940s & 50s with such a shocking regularity...... I swear, I never knew that getting a haircut could be such an educational experience....

by Eric on June 12, 2008 | Bullshit (19) | TrackBack (0) | Ummm, Ok....
Bullshit So Far

A big old rooster will attack (flog) anybody it can get away with. The difference is that boys will usually smack it to the ground whereas girls will run screaming.

As far as blue eggs go I have no input, but at the farm next door the chickens eat a copius amout of green leafy vegitables and not only have I seen green eggs, I've eaten some. I may even be able to get a picture of some at the Saturday market.

Bullshitted by K-Nine on June 12, 2008 04:35 PM

K-Nine, you bring the green eggs brother, I'll bring the ham...

Bullshitted by RedNeck on June 12, 2008 04:41 PM

When a wee lass, my momma never could bring herself to wring a chicken's neck until the day she was set upon by the rooster. Her dad wasn't exactly happy about losing the rooster, though.

Bullshitted by Joan of Argghh! on June 12, 2008 04:54 PM

Guinea fowl which look a lot like hens lay blue/green eggs and they are about the same size as hen eggs.

Bullshitted by George on June 12, 2008 06:53 PM

Don't know about blue eggs, but green eggs do exist. We bought some off of a gal from our parish one Sunday. My sister was visiting and threw them out. Told me they had gone bad...they were even green.

Needless to say, I didn't get to eat one. But my brother's dog did. She liked 'em!

Bullshitted by Jerry on June 12, 2008 07:53 PM

about my last week in the jungle I had the entertainment of watching PFC Cant Do Any Thing Right To Save His Life build a chicken coupe in the the rain... then he spent the next hour and a half trying to catch the 12 chickens we had to move them to said coupe... they should put that on Pay Per View...

Bullshitted by oakleytexas on June 12, 2008 09:00 PM

Once again, you prove to be my hero, Eric. Not only do you hear tell of many a poor petticoat meet its proverbial maker at the hands of an uncontrollable and mischievous cock, but that it is told as war stories. My grandfolks' friends would tell such a thing to me before they thought I was old enough to add 2 and 3, or maybe I'm just a cynical city boy, but when I hit teens, those stories of wayward fowl blew away like a fart in the wind.

Shame too, as those were some good damn stories.


Bullshitted by tommy on June 12, 2008 11:16 PM

Can you imagine being on a boat. I know you can appreciate this, even though it is a few days late... Stolen from the Red Neck Ramblings.

Soldiers, Sailors, and Airmen of the Allied Expeditionary Force!

You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, toward which we have striven these many months. The eyes of the world are upon you. The hopes and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you.

In company with our brave Allies and brothers-in-arms on other Fronts, you will bring about the destruction of the German war machine, the elimination of Nazi tyranny over the oppressed peoples of Europe, and security for ourselves in a free world.

Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well equipped and battle hardened. He will fight savagely.

But this is the year 1944! Much has happened since the Nazi triumphs of 1940-41. The United Nations have inflicted upon the Germans great defeats, in open battle, man-to-man. Our air offensive has seriously reduced their strength in the air and their capacity to wage war on the ground. Our Home Fronts have given us an overwhelming superiority in weapons and munitions of war, and placed at our disposal great reserves of trained fighting men. The tide has turned! The free men of the world are marching together to Victory!

I have full confidence in your courage and devotion to duty and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full Victory!

Good luck! And let us beseech the blessing of Almighty God upon this great and noble undertaking.

SIGNED: Dwight D. Eisenhower

Bullshitted by M on June 12, 2008 11:45 PM

Twould be an interesting study of human nature concerning the gentility of Southern women getting their hackles up only to watch the same smooth out through nostalgic recollections. Old South can't help but love'em.

Bullshitted by Jay- the friendly neighborhood piper on June 13, 2008 12:28 AM

I'm sure a smart young lass as yourself is just pulling our leg but in case your not, yes, there are chickens that lay blue and green and pink and combinations of all! I did have some years ago but can't member zackly what the name was, something like arkana or some such. We called them Easter egg chickens.

Bullshitted by Ken on June 13, 2008 02:11 AM

Cockerals indeed! I would loved to have heard them tell their stories of yesteryear. Maybe I should go to an old fashioned hair salon for a haircut, heaven knows I surely need one, must be 6 months by now.

All the best,

Bullshitted by Glenn B on June 13, 2008 08:10 AM

whoops, should have been cockerels....

Bullshitted by Glenn B on June 13, 2008 08:10 AM

Ken..indeed. Arakona chickens...easter egg chickens. Pink, blue and green eggs.


Bullshitted by jw on June 13, 2008 08:18 AM

There's eggs, and there's eggs.

Take a fertilized duck egg. Let it get to within a day or so of hatching, then hard-boil it. You now have a tasty Philippine delicacy, the Balut - scariest Bar-Food on the planet.

I dunno about the egg itself, but you'll be green after eating one of those.

Bullshitted by Elisson on June 13, 2008 09:26 AM

Love the Eva stories.

Also, you smoke? (Is it wrong that that makes me feel a teensy bit better about the fact that I still smoke?) And, you smoked INSIDE Eva's? Up here I think it'll soon be a public ordinance that you have a right to NOT EVEN SEE someone smoking, even if they're a 1/2 mile away.

Bullshitted by Freddie on June 13, 2008 09:40 AM

Thank you Ellison for bringing up (a likely result) the disgusting memory that is Balut. Now the skewers of mystery meat on Magsaysay Drive...

Bullshitted by Rey B on June 13, 2008 11:40 AM

Hey 'Neck, I'm a 39 year old bachelor... I can probably provide green ham too... Or at least green bologna.

Bullshitted by K-Nine on June 13, 2008 06:17 PM

In my youth my grandparents kept a good herd of yard birds about the homestead. My grandma liked Rhode Island Reds and Dominickers mostly but there was also a few ducks, some guineas, and a few Bantams. One Bantam in particular was a rooster who apparently thought he was a Velicoraptor. He went after everything and everybody that crossed his path. He was the "cock" of the walk and pretty much had all the critters cowed until one day he made the mistake of trying to take on my mother's Doberman Pincher and....lost.
Swiftly and violently swiftly that he was probably dead before he knew he had lost. My gentle mother was most upset by the event. My grandfather was less concerned and summed it up as a man of few words would. "He needed killin'." And so he did.
Funny thing about that dog. He never made a move to chase or harm any of the other critters at the homestead but apparently recognized evil when he saw it and did smite it from the earth. Kraut dogs must be that way I reckon.

Bullshitted by Tbird on June 13, 2008 07:12 PM

Araucana eggs:

Bullshitted by Harvey on June 14, 2008 06:30 PM