Two.....

..... I popped another evil squirrel this morning just prior to noon....... and I must say that I was most pleased with the results....... unlike her buddy that I laid low a few weeks ago, this one actually attempted a genuine skedaddle when I appeared on the deck with my little rifle......

..... it really was beautiful..... the wind blew the trees, the leaves ruffled, the air was sweet, and she scampered from branch to branch for nearly two minutes before she stopped....... and then, there she sat.... 100 feet away, and near the top of a poplar tree..... and she sat, and sat, and sat..... eyeing me the whole time......

..... I laughed as I sat cross-legged with the scope to my eye - just as Primary Marksmanship Instructor Gilliard had taught me..... left elbow on left knee, right elbow on right knee - poised in the perfect structural stance......

....I laughed at her attempt to flee.... I laughed again at her gloatingly sitting high up in that tree, and having the nerve to pause to finish off one of my almonds that she had grasped firmly in her gnarled paws........ she thought that she was out of reach........ but she was so very, very wrong.....

.... and so, with a squeeze of an easy trigger, her thieving days were done...... I do dearly love watching those varmints die..... so thanks again, Redneck....... two shots, two kills....... 1 from 20yds.... and 1 from 34yds..... that little Ruger is a peach, bro.......

..... on a sad and slightly disgusting note, I do have to say that I did make a bit of a strategic error this morning..... for after my shot, I sidled back inside and gloated to myself for an hour or so over a cup of fresh coffee and a biscuit..... and the scene that presented itself when I finally got around to disposing of the 'corpse' was horrific......

..... that poor, humble, kleptomaniac little beastie was absolutely covered in green flies by the time I finally reached her body...... nature at work, I suppose...... but the worst part was that there were four huge hornets buried waist-deep in the squidgy part of her gaping chest wound licking at the moisture...... I dared not move her for fear of being stung by a gore-soaked hornet....... so I retired to the comforts of the air conditioning once again for a re-think....

.... eventually I decided that I should just stroll out and spray the entire area with wasp killer and then toss the body...... which is exactly what I did...... squirrel, wasps, flies, and every other feasting creature were laid very, very low by the blast......... but I did see a queer thing as I hoisted the body....... the entire underside was coated in a layer of fire ants........ I gave them a quick spray and then tossed her into the woods on the right side of the house.......

.... sitting here now, I am not in the least repentant....... but I AM quite shocked to have learned just how quickly Mother Nature works during a hot, humid, moist summer.....

..... within three hours of hitting the ground stone-dead, there were probably 3,000 insects already dismembering her stiffening corpse to feed their broods......... THREE HOURS!....... two species of wasp, three species of flies, and four species of ant were all working their well-evolved magic........ it was amazing....... scary, of course, but amazing.........

..... it is at times like these that we are rudely awakened about where exactly we truly ARE on the food chain........ we may have guns, knives, explosives, pesticides, and any number of other offensive weapons...... but in the end, it doesnt really matter....... the bugs are going to get us....... maybe not today or tomorrow, but soon.... and for the rest of our lives.......

....sleep tight, rubberneckers........

..... and remember...... it is always best to dispose of the body as quickly as possible....... waiting around and having a cup of tea does no one a favor........ trust me.....

by Eric on June 10, 2008 | Bullshit (11) | TrackBack (0) | Ummm, Ok....
Bullshit So Far

yep. disposing of the body quickly is good advice no matter what your career choice.

Meanwhile, deh Laird bless ye fer a gent'elman in your dispatch of deh vile vermin! It warms deh cockles in me heart to see sich a muckle beastie brought low.

Bullshitted by Joan of Argghh! on June 10, 2008 09:29 PM

Damn. GuyK said that they are carnivores and cannibals. I'm disappointed. I had hoped you'd see one squirrel feasting on another.

Bullshitted by Bou on June 10, 2008 09:38 PM

What? No squirrel chili? You disappoint me, Tennessee Jed.

Seriously, it is Nature's hungry rapaciousness that keeps the world from being buried in the flesh of the dead. Think on it: Even Fred and Bob will happily start chewing on your remains if (Gawd forbid) they found you decompos mentis on your kitchen floor. Screw the kibble!

Sleep tight, indeed.

Bullshitted by Elisson on June 11, 2008 05:27 AM

Good Job!!!

Bullshitted by Sam on June 11, 2008 05:31 AM

All the damn bugs... Now you got me itchin' all over...

Didn't ya ever bbq a squirrel? If done right by someone who is keen on which parts to throw away, they're not half bad. Best if you pop them through the head if you're gonna cook 'em, unless you like squirrel brains, which some folks do...

The bugs and the worms -- that's the real reason I want to be cremated...

Bullshitted by Winston on June 11, 2008 06:32 AM

the bugs are gonna have to get me while I am still kickin'..or else learn to eat ashes..

Bullshitted by GUYK on June 11, 2008 07:56 AM

Here the smaller ones stand in line but the deed is over, bar the bones, in a day or two.
See below
http://keeskennis.blogspot.com/2006/07/birds-of-feather-weightwatchers.html

Bullshitted by keeskennis on June 11, 2008 08:35 AM

That last paragraph reminds me of my senior quote in my high school yearbook, "Always have your holes pre-dug."

:-D

Bullshitted by tommy on June 11, 2008 08:24 PM

I'm glad the pee shooter with a magnifyin' glass meets your needs and I'm also glad that you're not tryin' to gun but 'em in the head to take 'em out with a shovel so you can grill 'em. Shootin' 'em is easier, and, I must say, more entertaining. Mount bayonets and all that gets to be a drag after you've climbed a tree.

Write more when you get two kills with one shot. Hopefully one of the kills won't be you. If it is, please call a "do over". Then, well, never mind the write more part. Just run from the critters and zombie ants.

PS: I'd have throwed a hefty bag over all the shit, pulled it tight at the top and gave 'em all a Viking funer'l.

To each his own... Hope it was good coffee.

Bullshitted by RedNeck on June 11, 2008 10:59 PM

Note to self: If you find a dead cat in your backyard, it is better to bury it than to contain it within three layers of trash bag and place it in the trash receptacle--especially when pickup is next Thursday, and *most* especially when it is June in Arizona.

Whoo-ee! I moved that can *way* down the street and still caught whiff of the stench. WD-40 has *nothing* on the penetrating power of dead kitty.

Bullshitted by Desert Cat on June 12, 2008 01:05 PM

I got this one for my FIL for Father's Day. He's forever battling with squirrels, coons, muskrats, or whatever.

http://www.amazon.com/Squirrel-Wars-Backyard-Wildlife-Battles/dp/1572232986

Bullshitted by g on June 15, 2008 08:00 PM