Work....

...... the lawn pixies shall be arriving any time now to service my yard..... the rain from the last few days has seen my grass absolutely rocket towards the heavens, so they definitely will have their work cut out for them....... me?.... I'll spend the morning testing a theory....

.... I was recently out on a government website reading about how to rid my little patch of the fire ants that I mentioned a few days ago, and I was a bit horrified to read some of their proposed ideas...... chiefly among the most devious was to simply prod the anthill every day....

... while that idea sounds simple enough, it is actually quite cunning.... see, in stirring up the ants by breaking a small hole in their nest, you are causing the little dears to work extra-hard to repair the damage.... and if your house-invasion is done on a regular enough basis, this will supposedly cause the ants to expend more energy in rebuilding than they can garner from the local food sources.... thus, the little buggers will literally work themselves to death via slow starvation.....charming, eh?....

.... I don't know what strikes me as oddest, really..... the absolute deviousness of the plan... or the fact that such a heinous strategy would come from our beloved government.....

... either way, the plan for today is to sun myself on the patio, read, write, and rise occasionally to methodically jab fire ant mounds with a small sharpened stick.......

.... after all, it was the government that suggested it..... and who am I to sit by and allow legions of hard-working insects to simply subsist?..... no, sir...... if they insist on sharing my lawn with me, then I'm gonna make them work for every single inch..... it is The American Way..... the government said so........

by Eric on June 03, 2008 | Bullshit (12) | TrackBack (0) | Ummm, Ok....
Bullshit So Far

"Hello, I'm from Etowah and I'm here to help you."

Yeah, that works.

Bullshitted by zonker on June 3, 2008 08:54 AM

... scariest words in the English language, Zonker.....

Bullshitted by Eric on June 3, 2008 10:03 AM

This sounds like it could be a long war. I want to know exactly how many days I will have to prod the ant hill before they all die or leave. Will I have to have reinforcements? Could this be considered "long term?"

Do those pixies do dishes? If so, send them on over.

Bullshitted by Lou on June 3, 2008 12:48 PM

Explosives have curative powers for all problems.

Bullshitted by bitterman on June 3, 2008 12:59 PM

... Lou, I will keep you informed.... as for the pixies doing dishes, I'm sad to report that they don't even mow the lawn that well...... much less trusting them with dishes....

.... I agree, Bitterman.... however, I fear that would just scatter them....

Bullshitted by Eric on June 3, 2008 02:11 PM

I'm tellin' PETA!

Bullshitted by Jerry on June 3, 2008 02:58 PM

Send Obama to talk to them face to face. Without preconditions.

Bullshitted by Cappy on June 3, 2008 07:27 PM

Huh, and god knows the government has never ever made a mistake!

Their strategies are the bestest!!

Bullshitted by miguelthemonkey on June 3, 2008 09:48 PM

I dated a lawn pixie, once. She worked like a slave for Mitt Romney. The Border Patrol shipped her back to Juarez, or was it Tiajuana? Well, all I know is that when Barrack Who's-Named Obama, Hillery, or John McCain get in the Oval Office, all that's gonna change! May she soon have a card as green as your Gringo lawns! Viva Lawn Pixie's!

Bullshitted by JihadGene on June 3, 2008 10:06 PM

One word:

NAPALM

They are called fire ants, right?

Bullshitted by Abbadon on June 3, 2008 11:32 PM

I'm thinking a small, low-yield nuclear device to be detonated approximately 3.178 meters below the surface... Yeah, that should do it... Better than poking them in the eyes with a sharpened stick...

Bullshitted by Winston on June 4, 2008 06:02 AM

Sounds like the government. They've been doing the same thing to the tax payer for years. Jabbing us with sharp sticks (taxes) and making us work harder and harder to keep up. Luckily it hasn't gotten to the point where we are starving to deat just to pay the taxes...yet. There's always next year.

Bullshitted by joated on June 4, 2008 08:44 AM