… as a child years ago, I’d occasionally be gifted a pet by my Father…. a puppy, usually…. Occasionally a fully grown dog…. and on one instance, a Shetland pony…. I was even given a black and white spotted rabbit once…. (the rabbit holds the family record for shortest-lived pet, actually, the poor little guy…. Dad arrived home from work with the rabbit in a shiny woven-wire cage, I ooohh’d and aahhh’d, opened the cage, held said rabbit for all of 15 seconds, watched psycho rabbit claw, spin, and leap from my little 8-year old arms, and screamed as my neighbor’s flea-bitten Alsatian rushed from underneath my Mother’s maroon azalea and ate that rabbit whole in two large bites.. )

… that Shetland pony was another miserable failure, now that I come to think of it…. white, short, and barrel-chested, a meaner beast never trod a field…. and there I was at 80lbs soaking wet…. a scrawny, shy little stack of red hair and freckles who was expected to boldly ‘enforce his will’ upon that cantankerous creature…. That thing would stand perfectly still while I mounted it…. and trot perfectly around the field while my Dad watched…. but as soon as his back was turned, the pony would buck and jump until I was ejected…. it’d then return (rider-less) back to wherever my Father was…. he’d staunchly grab it by the reins and begin marching off in search of his dusty, crumpled son and wondering why the hell I'd "fallen off" again….

…we ended up selling that evil pony to one of my cousins about 25 years ago…. I heard that it finally died a few years back at the age of about 32 and having gone totally blind for the last few years of its life…. (probably from having all of that 100%, pure meanness building up in its system with no young children around to vent its unkindness towards..) ….

… come to think of it, most of the dogs & puppies that I was given never really lasted that long either…. They all ran off, were put to death for some infringement, or became smelly smears over by the local highway…..

…. I guess that as a result, I really haven’t been a “pet” person…. Life and circumstance having schooled me early on that it’s probably not a great idea to get too attached to a pet when you live out in the countryside….. oh sure, there were a few exceptions – like my dog George….. an ancient, arthritic English sheepdog…. He was a crackerjack……

… anyway, to cut to the proverbial chase, I just wanted to let you fine people know that our cats, Fred and Ginger, now have a new playmate, Bob….

…. I suppose that owning two cats for the past 5 years has softened me up…. I mean, in the past, there was a time that if a stray, starving, mangy, flea-infested cat wandered into my yard it would find itself in mortal danger of being put out of its ‘misery’….. but now?.... well, that exact scene played out nearly a week ago…. And instead of bopping it in the noggin with a shovel, I found myself wandering around in the back yard with an open can of tuna and making “here, kitty” noises…..

…. So, yeah… he’s been officially adopted now…. Fred, Ginger, and Bob…. And trust me, folks… “Hope” has everything to do with it…..

… two fat eunuchs and very young tomcat who is soon to be saying goodbye to his own “goodtime boys”….. rough stuff, sure, but it comes with the territory….. you want to stay in my backyard and enjoy an inexhaustible supply of kitty pellets & the random tin of tuna?.... fine, be my guest…..

… but the only set of cojones allowed around here are mine…..

by Eric on June 30, 2007 | Bullshit (13) | TrackBack (0) | Ummm, Ok....
Bullshit So Far

If I had known ahead of time what evil lurked in the heart of a similar Shetland pony, the only way I'd have gotten on the back of that worthless bastard would have been with a ball peen hammer in one hand.

And that ain't no shit, Ace.....

Bullshitted by bitterman on June 30, 2007 04:12 PM

... word, Bitterman.... I believe you 100%.... Shetlands can develop a serious attitude problem.....

Bullshitted by Eric on June 30, 2007 04:16 PM

new Marine tactic?... here, kitty, kitty...?

(Good luck, Bob!)

Bullshitted by Jean on June 30, 2007 05:12 PM

Yaaa. Ponies are usually mean and live longer than horses. Sorry you had such a meanie. There really are some nice ones out there. But your stories reminded me of my dad. Most pets didn't survive long around dad. If they bit him, they died. Weird but we have enough stories with different animals to make you wonder.

Glad you are saving the kitty. More blog fodder!

Bullshitted by vw bug on June 30, 2007 06:03 PM

Can't turn 'em away. The tiny kitten that showed up on our doorstep -who knows how long he will actually stay before finding a 'real' home- is now named Angus because he's red and I like the name. ;)

Shetland ponies are vicious. The one I had as a kid didn't last too long, as he bit my brother and I too many times.
The next horse was 17 hands and gentle as a lamb. LOL!

Bullshitted by pam on June 30, 2007 06:55 PM

What about Bob? Hell man, I let my dogs have 'em hangin'. Helps out with who gets control of the remote. Call it the testosterone vote.

I thought, for a minute, that your trouble with pets was gonna have to do with a knife, but now that I think about it, a shovel is so much more... fitting. ;)

Never had a shetland, but if bitterman can fall off one of 'em, and you can too, it's probably best I don't get close to one. It'd probably fall on me.

Had a girlfriend back in the day. She was all about horses. Loved 'em. Made me ride 'em. Bareback. Those bastards, I think, enjoy seein' how far they could fling me.

Reduced to a barn joke I was.

Bullshitted by RedNeck on June 30, 2007 09:23 PM

No offense, but are you sure Bob is a boy? I mean, you have a boy cat named Ginger. Maybe you'll find out that Bob is really a Barb and you really already own the only set of cajones in the Straight White House. Just a thought... ;-)

Bullshitted by Bou on June 30, 2007 09:46 PM

One time my nephew had his bunny out of the hutch and his Rottie pounced on the bunny's back. Beau broke the bunny's back and Bart came in crying and saying "Beau broke my bunny!".
And yes, Sheltland ponies are nasty little buggers!

Bullshitted by Maeve on July 1, 2007 01:21 AM

Heh... You name pets the way I do. My last cat was Jack. Dogs prior to that have been Jake and Boo. Just yesterday I was telling Roomie about all the pets I had over the years before she came along. Not to imply that she is a pet... and I better leave that line alone...

Maybe I needs to do me a post on pets. Won't be as good as yours, but, hey, a boy can try...

Bullshitted by Winston on July 1, 2007 06:33 AM

Loved your post on pets. Seems that we have similar attitude towards animals. Less of a pet owner, more of a pet feeder. I've never understood the idea of having an animal penned up in your back yard, or the laundry room. If you don't have acreage, you shouldn't own a pet. And maybe not even with acreage.

Bullshitted by Jerry on July 1, 2007 11:15 PM

My brother and I had a redbone/bluetick cross. The problem when kids share a pet? The pet always loves one sib more than the other. Thus, I was left alone crying in my room. The plus side was Bubby had to get up in the middle of the night to shut the damn thing up!

Bullshitted by sugarbritches on July 2, 2007 09:19 AM

"but the only set of cojones allowed around here are mine"

Didn't you mean your wifes?

Bullshitted by Quality Weenie on July 2, 2007 11:36 AM

We had a Shetland/Welsh pony mix growing. I think the Welsh mist've cancelled out some of the Shetland, but I still learned how to ride out the bucking on the no-so-aptly named Sugar.

Congrats on Bob. (Is the noxt one going to be Bing?) I just adopted 2 shelter kittens - Wash & Zoe.

Bullshitted by LadyGunn on July 6, 2007 12:37 AM