Decisions.....

…. Since when did A-list stars start doing horror movies?....

…. Have I mentioned that I absolutely HATE horror movies?.....

….. so as The Missus and I stood staring in complete & abject indecisiveness at the MEGA-theatre today, I finally caved, took the lead, and said…. “Hey!... There’s a film with John Cusack & Samuel L. Jackson!... We should watch THAT one!”….

…. The movie?.... “1408” ….

…. And there I was – as I handed the spotty fellow behind the counter my credit card – imagining Jackson as some pious Moor on camel-back… and Cusack as some glitteringly-white knight….. my mind adrift in visions of crusades, chivalry, a few decapitated waifs, and The Story of the last crusade…. A bit of blood and gore, but a feel-good movie nonetheless……

… but no… I get a Stephen King horror flick instead about an evil room in some hotel in NYC where everyone who stays there either kill themselves or are brutally murdered or otherwise chased off to Meet Their Maker at severely inopportune times ….

…. Did I say that I hate horror movies?... yes, I did?…. good…..

… and you know something else, friends?.... the absolute WORST thing about going to see a horror movie – even when you didn’t know it was actually a horror movie when you bought your fucking ticket – are the cinematic trailers that they show PRIOR to the horror flick….

… good God, I got werewolves, THREE variations on Zombiemovies, Aliens, AND a goddamn CANNIBAL movie…. hey, Hollywood?.... the damnable hills may have eyes, but I carry a .45........

… goodness, try gleefully nibbling your buttered popcorn with THOSE trailers rolling, people….

… I do believe that at one point my ass had actually grabbed the cushion of my fold-down cinema chair and began ripping the fabric at the seams just a bit…. So, yes, I was a bit tense…..

…. The only good thing?.... well, I enjoyed a marvelous meal before the movie, courtesy of Outback… ½ a pound of succulent Alaskan King Crab legs and an 8oz prime rib that practically gave you a blowjob while you ate it……. a glorious Caesar salad to start, and a side of loaded baked potato……

…. So, word up, rubberneckers….. don’t just wander in and pick at random…… ‘tis the folly of the ages to make completely uninformed decisions…. Trust me…..

Update: ... via Agent Bedhead, here is a much, much better review of "1408"...

by Eric on June 24, 2007 | Bullshit (15) | TrackBack (0) | Ummm, Ok....
Bullshit So Far

I hate horror movies too, but when I end up at one I always buy a chili cheese dog or two to look chill.

Bullshitted by GeorgeH on June 24, 2007 07:51 PM

I love horror movies - the scarier the better.
Did the missus protect you and comfort you? Hope she did a good job.

Bullshitted by Chickie on June 24, 2007 07:58 PM

I think you need to start watching some Spike TV. Young Son was here and he loves to watch Ultimate Fighter - guess what movie they advertised over and over and over...

I hate horror movies too. I would've told you about 1408 if I knew you were going to go see it. I love John Cusack - but there is no way I'm seeing that movie. I'll just pull out Gross Pointe Blank. *grin* (I still need to buy High Fidelity - don't know why I don't own that one).

Bullshitted by Teresa on June 24, 2007 08:14 PM

...GeorgeH, yes.... the crab legs that I had prior to the movie did do quite nicely.....

... and Chickie, yes.... she took very good care of me.... night terrors in a house that is as armed as mine is, well, it is a scary thing... so, yes, she took very good care of me....

.... Teresa, ma'am, dont watch "1408".... ever... if you dont like horror movies, this one is defintely not for you.... OR me....

Bullshitted by Eric on June 24, 2007 08:43 PM

Just got back from a showing. That's a good friggin' movie.....

Bullshitted by Tommy on June 24, 2007 11:34 PM

Eric, you really need to work on expressing yourself clearly and directly without beating around the bush. Now, do you like horror movies? Or do you not like horror movies?

I gotta get me over to Outback more often... Prime rib that gives blowjobs? Wow! That's better than Portnoy and the butcher shop liver...

Bullshitted by Winston on June 25, 2007 05:01 AM

With the average non-matinee movie admission here pushing $9, I *always* know what the hell I'm buying a ticket for. "Visions of crusades," indeed...

...and, for that matter, an historically accurate Crusade movie would be a horror flick...

Bullshitted by Elisson on June 25, 2007 05:18 AM

All I can think of is...

Wow - his workouts at the Y really gave him buns of steel.

Bullshitted by Fiona on June 25, 2007 06:08 AM

"hey, Hollywood?.... the damnable hills may have eyes, but I carry a .45...."

Bwahahahaaa!

Bullshitted by zonker on June 25, 2007 08:31 AM

I hate horror movies....

Bullshitted by farmwifetwo on June 25, 2007 12:50 PM

I LOVE horror movies!! I don't think there are many genres I don't like,,,

Bullshitted by Michele on June 25, 2007 02:02 PM

I did an advertisement for this one awhile back and it looks pretty cool. I love horror movies. I don't go to the theater very often but I may just have to with 1408.

Bullshitted by Richard on June 25, 2007 02:30 PM

I hope you are referring to the original 1977 Hills Have Eyes. Let's have some fun: Google Pluto from that movie. He's the cannibalistic humanoid. Whee!

BTW, I find thumbsucking gets me through the tenser parts of horror flicks.

Bullshitted by Velociman on June 25, 2007 05:46 PM

"an 8oz prime rib that practically gave you a blowjob"

Look, Eric. You either got a blowjob, or you didn't get one. So which is it, hmmmm?

Bullshitted by agent bedhead on June 25, 2007 09:58 PM

Holy crap - I am remided of the time I rented "My Own Private Idaho" because I thought the actors would be easy on the eyes and it would be a feel-good flick.

Not so much... :^0

Bullshitted by Richmond on June 26, 2007 05:39 PM