…. prior to this latest cold snap, The Missus received four large parcels in the mail…. various bulbs and seeds buried in three or four large clumps of soggy sod…. (.. the envelope in which they arrived was plascticized for the sake of the clean-handed mailman.) …… and she was beside herself with excitement…..

…. So I took a break from holding down the lawn furniture with my narrow backside and fetched six large flower pots from the garage for her… taking time, of course, to shake the withered husks of last year’s dead plants out of the pots as I skirted between the edge of the house and the jungle which borders our property…. (the property line is littered with six year’s worth of half-grown potted plant corpses still clinging to their dried rootball/potting soil tumbleweed..)

… as I rounded the corner with the pots and a bag of topsoil, she beamed..... and dug into her task in a gleeful fury…..

.... I watched in awe as she poured, patted, scooped, buried, and watered….

… that was three weeks ago….

… and each morning for the past three weeks, I have watched her morning ritual unfold… blearily staggering out onto the deck to check her six sacred pots for signs of activity…. shooing Fred the Cat out of his nest that he made in the largest of the them… testing the containers for dryness, wetness, or evidence of pestilence…. and then cursing silently over her cup of coffee about “those bastards at the Arbor Day foundation” sending faulty flowers…..

… this morning as she snoozed, I wandered out to the patio in my pajamas….

… sitting there with coffee and bagel, I broke from wishing all blue jays a horrible, lingering death, and chanced to look down… and there – just at my feet – were three sprouts peeking up from a painted terracotta bowl… just over an inch tall with two leaves each, they proudly jutted skywards…. holding aloft two munching caterpillars per baby plant…..

…. I lit a cigarette and used the butt to singe each fuzzy critter into oblivion…..

… coarse?.... sure…. I'm as civil as the next man, I guess, but I do have my moments...... and, hey, life is cheap sometimes….. and in general, I’m a huge fan of Mother Nature… but some things are worth protecting…. Even if the odds of them surviving her initial onslaught aren’t very good…..

… still, though, a day without Hope is a dark day indeed…..

by Eric on April 18, 2007 | Bullshit (12) | TrackBack (0) | Ummm, Ok....
Bullshit So Far

I'm so down with the casual death of insects and those that seem insect-like. Always makes me want to go re-read Gulliver's Travels and wonder why he didn't just get off his pacifist ass and stomp the shit outta those little bastards.

Wonder what the lit end of a Camel looks like to a caterpillar as it bears down on him? Giant space meteor? Probably like someone was waving Mauna Loa in your face. Does charred caterpillar add anything to the flavor of the tobacco? Lots of interesting questions there. I'll be pondering them all for the rest of the day.

Bullshitted by bitterman on April 18, 2007 10:37 AM

Good for you, Eric. That critter got what was coming to him...

Bullshitted by Richmond on April 18, 2007 12:43 PM

You're so sweet. Looking out for your wife's flowers to be. *grin* Good for you!

Bullshitted by Teresa on April 18, 2007 01:53 PM

God, I hope you didn't smoke it afterwards...

Bullshitted by holder on April 18, 2007 04:44 PM

Plasticized... I was often that in college. The culprit: placidyls. A primitive hypnotic sleep agent with vicious side effects, especially when mixed with alcohol. We called 'em jelly bellies. Don't think they sell them bad boys anymore...

Bullshitted by Velociman on April 18, 2007 05:59 PM

"There are hidden contradictions in the minds of people who "love Nature" while deploring the "artificialities" with which "Man has spoiled 'Nature'". The obvious contradiction lies in their choice of words, which imply that Man and his artifacts are not part of "Nature" -- but beavers and their dams are. But the contradictions go deeper than this prima-facie absurdity. In declaring his love for a beaver dam (erected by beavers for beavers' purposes) and his hatred for dams erected by men (for the purposes of men) the "Naturist" reveals his hatred for his own race -- i.e., his own self-hatred.

In the case of "Naturists" such self-hatred is understandable; they are such a sorry lot. But hatred is too strong an emotion to feel toward them; pity and contempt are the most they rate.

As for me, willy-nilly I am a man, not a beaver, and H. sapiens is the only race I have or can have. Fortunately for me, I like being part of a race made up of men and women -- it strikes me as a fine arrangement and perfectly "natural"."

Lazerus Long

Bullshitted by GUYK on April 18, 2007 07:20 PM

So you're kind of like 'the Enforcer', right? In a bug like way...

Bullshitted by Bou on April 18, 2007 09:23 PM

Sounds precisely like the annual spring ritual around here. She's proud as punch with her tomatoes, basil, thyme, various flowers, etc. Me? I labor hard enough just helping her eat the 'maters and other comestibles.

I used to use a propane torch to kill the weeds/grass in joints on concrete patio, driveway, etc. It was most entertaining when done with that chore to roast ants and other tiny varmints crawling around out there. That's about the meanest I ever got...

Bullshitted by Winston on April 19, 2007 07:00 AM

Bug killer, you.

Bullshitted by Jerry on April 19, 2007 09:52 AM

You bastard!

Bullshitted by trouble on April 19, 2007 01:37 PM

I really like picking those gimondo tomato hornworms off. Expecially since I found out they turn into a really obnoxious night flying buzz moth that gets in your hair and makes you do the embarrassing flapping dance of "GET THE FUCK OFF-A-ME". Except you save the ones with the parasitic wasp eggs all over their backs. 'Cause in a few days those little wasp eggs will hatch and cause untold caterpillar carnage.

Bullshitted by Rosie on April 19, 2007 04:58 PM

GUYK, I hear ya. RAH has long been a favourite writer of mine.

Bullshitted by g on April 19, 2007 07:59 PM