... I was reminded of an old tale the other day... a complete fabrication, of course, purporting that wood from the venerable dogwood tree had once been hewn into the cross that ole Jesus Christ was crucified on...
…. in the legend, it parlays further that the dogwood remains stunted to this day as a curse... you know, so that it could never again grow large enough to be fashioned again into a crucifying-post... and even more whimsically, it claims that the very springtime blossoms of the poor tree are so-shapened to reflect the tree's bloody, savior-killing past...
... have y’all heard of that story?.... I certainly have heard it all my life….. but who makes up that malarkey?... I mean, just because the blooms are white and sport a cross-like shape?... and because it blooms here in east Tennessee around Easter?...... and because of its genetic, lordosis-twisted trunk, you think that Almighty God has cast forth punishment from the Sequined Seat of His Golden Throne in Heaven?.......
…. that’s just bullshit….. I tell you, I’d love to see the damnable dogwood that could survive a stretch in Jerusalem….. it’d have to be one hardy sumbitch…… and that’s a fact…..
… shit, the ones in my quaint half-acre get all of the sunshine, rain, bug-spray, fertilizer, and fair winds that they could possibly want, and they STILL end up covered in mangled, rotting branches by the time they’re 30 feet tall…..
…. Oh, and while I’m thinking of it, some of the dogwoods around here are more than large enough to make a cross worthy of nailing someone too… y’all will just have to trust me on that one….. the idea has been bandied about now and again around here for the past five years or so but – luckily – no one has been able to find the right kind of nails yet…….
you used "lordosis" as a descriptor?
Color me impressed.
.... oh yeah, man.... I'm just full of surprises.....
Bullshitted by Eric on April 17, 2007 07:46 PM"Lordosis" is a noun. "Lordosis-twisted" is a descriptor.
If you want to, say, conduct a suitable Trial Demonstration...to see whether the dogwoods in your neck of the (dog)woods would work as a Crucifyin' Device, I have the perfect Test Subject...and so does Parkway Jim...
Bullshitted by Elisson on April 17, 2007 08:32 PMI told Key the dogwood legend the other day and she'd never heard it before, and I'm the supposed heathen! I guess the same people made that up that show you the little crosses on the pine cone buds around Easter, and tell you the burro has a cross on his back cause he toted Jesus into Jerusalem. In other words, people with more time than work ethic on their hands. Speaking of, when you coming up with YOUR Baby Jesus legend?
Bullshitted by Velociman on April 17, 2007 08:39 PMHeard that legend all my life... plus the ones Vman mentioned.
One I learned about after moving to Florida... break open a sand dollar and find three white pieces that look like doves. Supposedly representing the Holy Trinity.
... bring'em on, Elisson... I've got ropes and an axe.... and a shovel..
... Velociman, brother, I work hard.... trust me.....
.... Jean, ma'am, those are petrified organs... not doves... them sand-dollars once were livin' creatures....
Bullshitted by Eric on April 17, 2007 09:32 PMYes, dear man, I knew that... I said the pieces 'look' like doves, which is why the religious folk grabbed 'em. I think they are a type of sea urchin.
Bullshitted by Jean on April 17, 2007 10:22 PMA old girlfriend called me a sea urchin once. Course I was living at the beach at the time....
Bullshitted by bitterman on April 17, 2007 10:44 PMI told my daughters about the sand dollar thing once, when we were picking them up on the beach. Didn't think anything about it until my car began smelling like ass about a week later. Found sand dollar carcasses and organs all over the back floor boards. Guess I forgot to tell them to only do the dead, pretrified ones.
Bullshitted by Velociman on April 18, 2007 05:51 PMWell. There you have it.
Dogwoods killed Christ.
My damn holier-than-thou goats say, "Thou shalt not perish a dogwood to live, for they have most tasty tasting bark."
Me, I sort of like them.
Bullshitted by Rosie on April 19, 2007 05:09 PMRead a book about a sea urchin, once... little bastard, stealing food and such.
Twisted Oliver, or something like that.
Bullshitted by That 1 Guy on April 20, 2007 10:55 AM