…. I managed to push Sylvia up to 102 this evening on the drive home from The Family’s Easter Gathering…. there was plenty of accelerator left, of course, but it just wasn’t necessary…… my little Brother’s Toyota just couldn’t run away any faster than that over the short distance where we sped…..

… in other news, I was just watching an episode of “Planet Earth” where the conversation focused on “grasslands”….

…. the narrator (Sigourney Weaver) said…. “and during this time of year, 3,000,000 Mongolian gazelle gather together on the steppes and give birth within ten days of each other..” …..

… just as her sentence finished and the camera cut to milling herds of Mongolian gazelle munching grass and popping out younguns, I couldn’t help but lean over to The Missus and say (in my best David Attenborough voice) …. “and the steppes ran slick for weeks in a morass of juicy gazelle placentas”…..

… I mean, can you even imagine?.... I sure can’t…. three million births in one big, blood-spattered patch of Mongolia?.... with nothing but the hordes of flies, flocks of buzzards, and the occasional foxy-type thing that they have in Mongolia to help clean up all that mess?..... good God, no wonder old Genghis left Mongolia in search of new places to conquer… preferably places that didn’t accrue herds of three million large mammals slinging internal goo and gestational fluid all over the surrounding countryside…… sure makes Prague look hella inviting, no?......

… anyway, ole Nature is one gnarly bitch, folks…. Lovable, sure…. But she does so have her moments…..

… and don’t even get me started on those Arctic Geese……

by Eric on April 08, 2007 | Bullshit (17) | TrackBack (0) | Ummm, Ok....
Bullshit So Far

Three million? I cry bullshit. Why, that's more creatures than saw Ghostbusters 2.

Bullshitted by Velociman on April 8, 2007 10:04 PM

.... nope, it's true.... honest.... Ms. Weaver said it was so in her nice, throaty voice... so it MUST be true.....

Bullshitted by Eric on April 8, 2007 10:05 PM

Making some really good fertilizer.

Bullshitted by Richard on April 8, 2007 10:46 PM

102? Fucking Pussy!

Bullshitted by Yabu on April 8, 2007 11:22 PM

By the way, my vacuum cleaner will do 110.


Bullshitted by Yabu on April 8, 2007 11:24 PM

102? I've seen schoolbusses over here that driving that fast. You get out on the Autobahn at that speed, you'll have old Chinese dudes pulling rickshaws past you.

Bullshitted by Rube on April 9, 2007 07:22 AM

Sigourney Weaver didn't want to really gross you out and show what those Mongolian gazelles do with all that afterbirth..they eat it.

Bullshitted by GUYK on April 9, 2007 07:34 AM

And here I was thinking about all those Wildebeests on the Plains of Africa...Millions upon millions.

That's allot of shit in one place.

Bullshitted by Dazd on April 9, 2007 08:57 AM

I had my old '78 pinto doing 115....

Granted, that was downhill and I nearly blew the engine, but still...

Bullshitted by Graumagus on April 9, 2007 09:13 AM

102 is the perfect speed. a demonstration of grace and power. I sir, must salute you for a a manly display, one that is not the teenage need for speed. Control is the name of the game, not 99 or 120 but 102, nothing more, nothing less. A true artist.

Bullshitted by James Old Guy on April 9, 2007 11:25 AM

I was afraid that what GuyK said might be the case - many animals do... Blech. Not a pretty thought either way.

So what did you bring for Easter Dinner? Deviled eggs again?

Bullshitted by Richmond on April 9, 2007 02:09 PM

... thank you, James... you are a scholar and a gentleman.....

... and no, sadly, Richmond.... after last year's fiasco, I am banned from ever attempting deviled eggs again.... ever...

Bullshitted by Eric on April 9, 2007 03:19 PM

Don't sell placentii short. Lightly breaded and fried... mmm, mmm.

Supposed to be good for your hair, too, but it never seemed to help mine. And it gets too tight on the old scalp, once it dries.

Bullshitted by T1G on April 9, 2007 04:48 PM

“and the steppes ran slick for weeks in a morass of juicy gazelle placentas...”

There's gotta be a way to work that sentence into a 100-word story, brother...

Bullshitted by Elisson on April 10, 2007 08:16 AM

102? Man, be careful out there...

Bullshitted by Cindy on April 10, 2007 09:42 AM

Gee whiz, I managed more than that (117 before I chickened out) coming down through Wolf's Creek Pass in Colorado in a loaded SAAB wagon back in '73... and I didn't even have the engine on!

Bullshitted by wil on April 10, 2007 09:29 PM

I remember listening to an American comedian who had just finished a tour of Canada and had done some driving. After returning home he was telling his next audience about his experiences north of the border.

It ran something like this- "75mph? You'd better not be doing 75mph on the highways in Canada or they'll be running over the back of you. Hell, they change a flat tire while still doing 65!"

All I can say is that he must've done his driving in Nova Scotia, Quebec, or the french regions of New Brunswick.

I ain't saying nothin' about no gazelles, either. They're graceful, beautiful, and pure. They don't eat a damned thing other than grass. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it! Poor things- the horror of it all! Sick, I tell ya, GUYK is sick!

Bullshitted by G on April 10, 2007 09:29 PM