….. the lawn pixie arrived around lunchtime today and did an excellent job on my lawn while I was away visiting the dentist…. Indeed, I arrived back with a bag of Wendy’s cheese burgers to find my small patch of grass literally throbbing with springtime happiness at having had so much loving attention paid to it…..

… the peach tree that I planted last week is still green and leafy as well, which is nice…..

… in other news, I spent the majority of the hours from 3 to 6 battling four different subspecies of stinging wasps that had taken up residence under my new ChoiceDek deck… evidently they find the crunchy, woody (and somewhat plasticky) manmade boards to be the Birdseye Maple of the nesting-insect world… and it was as they chewed that they met their makers…..

…. after my fifteenth chemically-assisted kill, I began channeling Jeremiah Johnson’s adventurous spirit (as played by Robert Redford) when I was charged at various intervals by individual wasps seeking to sting me…

… ole Del Gue’s words were fresh in my mind as I bashed each one into the afterlife…. “you’re lucky they were Crow wasps…. Had they been Apache hornets, they’d have sent twenty at once….” …. Indeed, it was rough going there for a while……

… and then I regressed back to early childhood (because of all the trauma and violence), and The Missus made me a grilled cheese sandwich and opened a tin of Beanie Weenie’s for my dinner…. sure, we could have had steak and a salad, but I was in need of my comfort food......

… I feel quite nice right now since everything has settled down..…. and the smell of freshly cut grass is remarkably soothing….. it covers that nasty Ortho Wasp Exploder smell incredibly fast….. after only a few minutes, actually…..

by Eric on March 29, 2007 | Bullshit (10) | TrackBack (0) | Ummm, Ok....
Bullshit So Far

I still cringe with the memory of the wasps that invaded our house from the attic (via the light fixtures) when I was about 6.

That Ortho Wasp Exploder stuff would have been a welcome sight that night...

Bullshitted by Richmond on March 29, 2007 09:03 PM

.... a traumatic moment, I'm sure, Richmond..... which is all the more reason that all wasps must be killed....

Bullshitted by Eric on March 29, 2007 09:34 PM

They'll all be sending their young waspiors to test you...

Bullshitted by That 1 Guy on March 29, 2007 10:11 PM

... I am armed and ready.... any assailant who ventures near will be killed...... of that, I can promise......

Bullshitted by Eric on March 29, 2007 10:14 PM

Egads, is it time to start thinking about that brown patch of dirt and dead grass in front of my house as a lawn again. I think this year, instead of digging it all up, reseeding it, caressing and feeding it, I'll have a professional do it. If that fails again (as it did a few years ago) I may just put river stones out there with a few nice bushes and some flowers.

Good luck with your own - hopefully green patches - of irritating, money sucking, weed loving grass.

All the best,

Bullshitted by Glenn B on March 29, 2007 11:12 PM

next time you kill more of those bastids, pop a few in my name....

Bullshitted by holder on March 30, 2007 05:25 AM

I was attacked by the Apache variety once,had to run into the flat and jump into the shower to get them off me. TheGirl said that she didnt know that a guy over sixty could turn into an olympic sprinter.

Bullshitted by Dan Toom on March 30, 2007 12:51 PM

I've been attacked by the Apaches before and they send hundreds to deal death to marauders, laughing boldly in the face of two sixpacks of Ortho Wasp Exploder as they die at my feet...but not before landing crucial blows forcing me to employ the Epi-pen countermeasure.

Fight the good fight, Eric. May you, too, live to fight another day.

Bullshitted by wil on March 30, 2007 03:10 PM

Birdseye Maple... Look for it in the frozen wood section of you local lumberyard.

Bullshitted by Cappy on March 30, 2007 06:29 PM

fighting wasps?

Bullshitted by keeskennis on March 30, 2007 06:31 PM