… after six glorious years of happily forking over cash to the local, hard-up sixteeners for mowing my lawn and trimming with a weedwhacker, the well has finally run dry…..they’ve all finally gotten to college age and decided that they no longer wish to drench their Abercrombie & Fitch jeans in sweat for a mere 60 bucks…..

.. indeed, folks, times are getting hard around the compound here……

…. So, as you do, I trekked over to the local Lowes yesterday to shop for a lawn mower…… good God, almighty!....

… it seems that “lawn mowers” have gone out of fashion since I last had need for one…. And they have been replaced by something known as a “garden tractor”…. 2 grand, people….. throw in a 4-cycle weedwhacker, a gas can, a sweat rag, and sundry consumables, and you have the occasion to throw quite a curve ball into the old savings account……

.. yes, indeedy, I now own one big, honkin’, orange Husqvarna “garden tractor”…. and a Homelite strimmer….. now I just need to find me someone to drive it around and around my yard while I watch……

….. truthfully, though?.... why a lawn mower needs a headlight, bumper, cup holder, cigarette lighter, and cell phone charger, well, I just don’t know…….

…. I did skip the model that had air conditioning and a six-CD changer though….. that just seemed like overkill…

by Eric on March 23, 2007 | Bullshit (16) | TrackBack (0) | Psycho Rants
Bullshit So Far

Eric, I believe what you've got a hold of there is a "car". Man, it has been a while since you shopped for mowers, hasn't it.

Bullshitted by Rube on March 23, 2007 08:10 AM

$60, and no takers? Damn. Hell, I'll come mow your grass. As long as I can jump in the pool afterwards.

Now, how am I gonna get to Tennessee every week? Hmmm. Now, there's a problem.

Bullshitted by Jerry on March 23, 2007 08:20 AM

The straight white lawnmower - can't wait to see a picture of THAT!

Bullshitted by Chickie on March 23, 2007 09:06 AM

Hey, as a contract-engineer, I could fully automate that tractor with radio controls and video so that you could drive it around from inside the comfort of your home while watching it on a monitor.

I've done smaller projects running a radio-controlled car with video around at a party between legs of people, sort of childish I know.

I'm pretty serious about this and can test it first on our ~2 acres for safety and silly things like that. (Yeah I don't like riding that thing for more than about 10 minutes).


Bullshitted by Lance Osborne on March 23, 2007 09:22 AM

Damn, dude......I must not be living right.

I need your job. Oh yea. You ain't got one.

Bullshitted by bitterman on March 23, 2007 10:54 AM

Did you know that husquavarna is Finnish for eat your money? Might I suggest you take it back to Lowes and invest in a ewe and a ram. It might be cheaper and you get to eat their offspring . I mean the ones that arent keeping the lawn trimmed. Just a thought.

Bullshitted by DanToom on March 23, 2007 11:59 AM

I might live in Africa, but I know the value of a buck, and besides the Rand, Kwachas, Meticais, Shillings and Zim Dollars we have to deal with here, a buck is a buck.
I pay my staff above the minimum wage, I pay $ 200 for a month of tending my garden, the standard in Zambia would be $75.

Your Oom Kees has owned many tractor/mowers/fuckups, stay away, pay $100, or more, or emmigrate.
And now a special vindictive sting, use a undocumented worker to do the job Americans don't want to do.
Or vote,and convince your neighbour to do so, correctly, not to become like us here

Love you all.

Bullshitted by Keeskennis on March 23, 2007 01:34 PM

You can always plug your laptop into the cigarette lighter in between smokes and then it would become a 'blog tractor'.

Bullshitted by Richard on March 23, 2007 03:17 PM

Sounds like your lawnmobile has more gizmos, bells, whistles and doo-whickies than either of my cars. In fact, it sounds like it has more attachments than some houses I've lived in. You Americans really have no restraint when it comes to "simplifying" your existence.

Bullshitted by Mark on March 23, 2007 03:49 PM

Don't forget the GPS system, WiFi, ship to shore radio, and surface to surface missles.

Bullshitted by Cappy on March 23, 2007 07:07 PM

For another C-Note, you could have gotten the electric asswipes.

Bullshitted by Jim - PRS on March 23, 2007 07:45 PM

You need that extra seat in the back for the back seat driver :)

Bullshitted by Becky on March 23, 2007 08:57 PM

I might very well spend the better part of my weekend trying to figured out what the Keester (God love him) said.

Bullshitted by Erica on March 23, 2007 11:43 PM

What, skipped the gun rack option too? You're slackin' dude...

Bullshitted by RedNeck on March 24, 2007 08:54 AM

If you figure it out please let me know so I can also understand.

Bullshitted by keeskennis on March 24, 2007 10:32 AM

I've got a strange problem here- I've got real tractors and a half-a-dozen mowers of differing sizes and jobs and I STILL hire someone to come and mow my lawn. The damned stuff is too big and cumbersome to use around the house but if my lawn were obstacle-free it could be done in under 5 minutes. Life ain't fair.

Oh well, it's better for the kids and the eyes than my solution at my previous place. The ground was scurfed up during site preparation and I kinda liked the clean gravel it was on, so if anything green reared its ugly head I sprayed it with Roundup to prevent mowing. Hallelujah Monsanto! It did look kinda ugly though and tracked sand into the house and pool. Nothing's perfect.

Bullshitted by g on March 25, 2007 01:23 PM