… not a lot of people know it, but your average cow is a very curious beast…. And if you add a whole bunch of cows together in one field (… kinda like a herd, I guess.. ) well, their normal curiosity gets spiked by a feeling of “herd bravery”… like I said, not a lot of people know this… and that is precisely why I feel compelled to share proof of this with y’all….

... the other day as I was tooling around the countryside trying to keep myself out of mischief, I spied a field so beautiful that it would have forced Robert Frost himself to immediately break out pen and paper and start writing a poem about it…. so, I did what anyone armed with a ham sandwich and a carton of chocolate milk would do, and pulled over to have lunch and soak in the beautiful scenery…..

… I sat there for five minutes or so until I was noticed by a mid-sized heifer off in the distance….. she ceased her sipping from the watering hole and headed my way…. mild-mannered as I am, I paid her no mind and continued to enjoy my healthy lunch surrounded by The Almighty’s Bounty….

…. A few mouthfuls of ham sandwich later, and I looked over to see her and about twenty of her cow-buddies seriously checking me out as only a herd of stupefied cows can…. Here, check this shit out…..

… talk about giving a fellow a complex, good God!..... hey, it’s hard to eat a sandwich when you’re being gazed at so serenely by a gathering bovine peanut-gallery, let me tell ya…..and eventually they got to me, and I just couldn’t stand their rude curiosity any longer… I sped off down the road to find a new place to finish my lunch…..

…. In retrospect, I suppose that I could have attempted to scare them off or something…. But really, what kind of whacko tries to panic a herd of curious cud-chewers?.... I mean, if I were in their shoes and saw a really interesting looking possum eating a big bowl of persimmons or something, what would I do?... probably gather up a few friends that were hanging around and creep up to the aforementioned possum to check him out… no harm, no foul, right?.... and if he took objection and tried to chase me off, that would just be plain mean…. after all, I was just hanging out with some buddies and watching him do his thing (eating persimmons)….

… .. on the other hand, I suppose that I should have eaten the sandwich in the shop in the first place….. damn cows…..

Update: ... maybe they were just Billy Joel fans.....

by Eric on March 20, 2007 | Bullshit (23) | TrackBack (0) | Ummm, Ok....
Bullshit So Far

That's a herd of cows that's been fed off the back of a slow-moving pickup truck as it putters through the pasture. Probably a truck where the teenage kid tunes his daddy's radio to the rock & roll station while he's doing it.

They associate the music and the engine noise to feedin' time. Next time pop the trunk and toss 'em a hay bale.

Bullshitted by El Capitan on March 20, 2007 05:00 PM

Avoid watching South Park for a couple of weeks.

Bullshitted by Cappy on March 20, 2007 05:18 PM

Possums? Persimmons? Possums eating persimmons?

Son, stick to corn dogs and snakes. This shit's gettin' skeery...

Bullshitted by Elisson on March 20, 2007 05:45 PM

Damn, man...all the good shit happens where you live. What do I get? Chased down on subway platforms by rats and waterbugs so huge you can see the "I love mom" tattoos on their 'ceps.

Bullshitted by Erica on March 20, 2007 06:03 PM

ohmygawd.ohmygawd..... that is the funniest thing I've read in ages.....ROFL!!!

Bullshitted by Jean on March 20, 2007 07:05 PM attract all sorts of women...

Bullshitted by drc on March 20, 2007 07:58 PM

There's an AUDI commercial in there somewhere... The video will be much like yours, but it'll be Meatloaf beltin' out heifers by the dashboard light.

Then again, maybe that's how the aliens get 'em for that cattle mutilation crap... You know they just pull up their spaceship 'side the road, and whip out a ham sammmich... and pipe some Piano Man over the PA system.

Bullshitted by RedNeck on March 20, 2007 08:28 PM

Shoulda fed them the sandwich... bovine carnivores. That'd be cool. Just don't lean over the fence too far.

Heheheh... you shoulda let them check out the chocolate milk, too. See what they think...

Bullshitted by That 1 Guy on March 20, 2007 08:35 PM

They were all heifers -- think of them as akin to teenagers -- all hormones, no brains.

Oooh! Look at the pretty car! Let's go look at the car!

Not much different than the press at the Detroit Auto Show, come to think of it...

Bullshitted by wil on March 20, 2007 08:51 PM

cows don't normally behave that way. They are timid and docile.

Zombie cows, however, will try to rush you.

Bullshitted by RSM on March 20, 2007 09:21 PM

I think they were just checking out the sandwich to be sure it wasn't beef...

Bullshitted by Teresa on March 20, 2007 11:18 PM

You crack me up. Entertaining the livestock with Billy Joel.

You should come up to Indiana. It would be interesting to see this old farm through your eyes.

Bullshitted by Jerry on March 21, 2007 02:00 AM

Re: " shoulda let them check out the chocolate milk, too. See what they think..."

That is just perverted and dirty, to be sampling one's own secretions. Yeeefers.

Bullshitted by Erica on March 21, 2007 07:15 AM

I saw the look in the eyes of that one old cow..she was trying to tell you to "TURN THAT SHIT OFF!"

Bullshitted by GUYK on March 21, 2007 08:50 AM

EVERYONE likes a ham samich, maybe the cows wanted a bite? This way you know the cows were not an Islamic sleeper cell, hiding in the Tennesee hinterlands.

Bullshitted by hoosierboy on March 21, 2007 10:40 AM

Dude, face it. You're just that hot... ;-)

Bullshitted by Richmond on March 21, 2007 12:17 PM

Things may not have been so serene if they had suspected that you were munching on a roast beef sandwich instead of ham:0)

Bullshitted by DanToom on March 21, 2007 12:27 PM

Um, they were checking out the car dude...does it have leather seats?

Bullshitted by Cindy on March 21, 2007 01:17 PM

I've seen this sort of thing happen a couple of times. Once in the middle of nowhere in California, I saw guy changing his tire by the side of the road. At the edge of the road, a group of cows had come up to watch as though it was the most exciting thing they'd seen all day. It was very cute.

Another time, in Oregon on a cold and foggy day,I was driving by a rolling pasture where a huge bonfire had been built to clear some brush. There was a group of cows standing around, staring at the fire just like people might gather around a bonfire. That was just the most amazing scene....especially in the fog and all. Unfortunately, I didn't have my camera.

Bullshitted by DogsDontPurr on March 21, 2007 04:07 PM

Damn, so that's what cows look like.

Bullshitted by Jim - PRS on March 21, 2007 09:15 PM

You had me at cow...

You had me at cow...

Ok. I had a moment, as an avid cow fan, I must say, I throughly enjoyed this post, and the lovely cow video that came along with it-- (this coming from a woman who has 30 stuffed cows in the backseat of her car, one of which being a 3 foot Chick-fil-a Cow ;0)

Bullshitted by Christy on March 21, 2007 10:23 PM

It was the chocolate milk. They couldn't believe you were drinking chocolate milk.
All they wanted to know was, where do you find chocolate cows.

Bullshitted by MGA on March 22, 2007 05:33 AM

Just found your blog while I was googling a town in TX. What a hoot those cows are. They remind me of the commerial for "Happy California Cows"

Bullshitted by Bob with 2 O's on March 24, 2007 11:09 AM