…. A woeful gloom has descended upon my humble manor in the form of The Common Cold…. Yes, sir, I’s got one and it’s a good one…. wheezing, sneezing, headache, runny nose…. It’s a bit odd really, since I seldom get the Dreaded Lurgies (as they are known in the Scottish tongue)…

… so instead of complaining about my aches and pains, I am choosing to relish in the new sensations gifted to me by this humble bug… sure, they are unpleasant and unwanted, but they are here and I might as well try to enjoy them… after all, alive is still alive even if you are sick.... and alive is a good thing...

.. and besides, it gives me a fine opportunity to introduce y’all to a wonderful poem by Mr. Ogden Nash – a favorite of mine….

Common Cold, by Ogden Nash….

Go hang yourself, you old M.D,!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
In not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.

By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever's hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!

Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The Führer of the Streptococcracy.

Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne'er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.

A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare's plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!

…… the man had it going on, people….truly….

… so, Peace Out, gentle rubberneckers…. I’m off to daub a lotion’d tissue at my dripping nose for a while and ponder 'bacteria as large as mice'…..

by Eric on February 13, 2007 | Bullshit (19) | TrackBack (0) | Poetry
Bullshit So Far

Ogden Nash - my Main Man.

Here's wishing you a Speedy Recovery. I can sympathize: I'm coming down with a case of the Green Snots meself.

Bullshitted by Elisson on February 13, 2007 09:58 AM

Wow. That describes the very cold I am battling.

Feel better soon!

Bullshitted by Theresa on February 13, 2007 10:30 AM

Awww. Hope ya feel better soon.

Bullshitted by Freddie on February 13, 2007 10:47 AM

I hope you have a crock pot of chicken soup handy. Here's hoping you feel better soon!

Bullshitted by Lemon Stand on February 13, 2007 11:07 AM

What misery... so perfectly explained with humor. I love it.

Hope you get better soon, Eric... thankfully, it's warm and sunny here.

Bullshitted by Jean on February 13, 2007 12:17 PM

this has to be an internet tube virus if all of us in so many different areas are coming down at the same time. What the heck happened when I fell in with you munivians?

Bullshitted by RSM on February 13, 2007 12:26 PM

We're bravely trying to fight it off around here, though I am faring better than my Hubby.

Here's hoping that you feel better soon too!!

Bullshitted by Richmond on February 13, 2007 01:10 PM

Absolutlely, farooking marvelous.
Just amazing how someone who never met you in the flesh can diagnosis you so perfectly.
What joy in the written word you find for us.
Better soon I hope.

Bullshitted by kdzu on February 13, 2007 02:04 PM

Now that I've read this... does it mean my sneezes (which have been on the upswing the last few days) will turn into a full fledged all out cold? Should I not read blogs during cold season? When is cold season?

I give up, it's too much to contemplate. Feel better soon.

Bullshitted by Teresa on February 13, 2007 02:20 PM

Awwww, bubele...what you need is some yummy chicken soup, with greens and parsnips. Not only good for the soul, but warms your insides up real quick, too.

I also humbly recommend a "gogl mogl."


Bullshitted by Erica on February 13, 2007 03:29 PM

That cold has spread through my house, although I have been spared. I think in this home it afflicts only those that hold the Y Chromosome.

Bullshitted by Bou on February 13, 2007 04:57 PM

just healing, it is a whopper...

Bullshitted by armywifetoddlermom on February 13, 2007 05:45 PM

I just got over it! Hope you feel better soon. R&R will do wonders for you along w/that great attitude.

Bullshitted by michele on February 13, 2007 06:16 PM

A hot toddy and off to bed with ya!

Bullshitted by Michele on February 13, 2007 07:06 PM

Strong, hot tea, a large piece of lemon, a generous dollup of honey and a serious slug of Myer's Dark Rum. Mix, drink, enjoy.

Bullshitted by Jim - PRS on February 13, 2007 08:11 PM

I've been fighting something off, something similar to the beast that's visited your home. I feel alright, but it's at the edges of my sensory perceptions. Just a downtrodden feeling.

And I've got this dreadful feeling that's it's biding its time, lurking in my sinuses, waiting to strike at the most inopportune time. Like when I've managed to string a couple days off in a row.

Bullshitted by Tommy on February 13, 2007 10:51 PM

I had that one a couple of weeks ago myself. I don't enjoy the symptoms until the third day though. By then it feels like it's purging something evil from your body.

Feel better. I recommend single malt scotch for the raspy throat...

Bullshitted by Libby on February 14, 2007 01:46 AM

sorry to hear you're not well. i recommend the following remedies:

umcka cold care



any of those three, or a combination of the above, should help. if they fail -- there's always scotch! :)

Bullshitted by justrose on February 14, 2007 08:28 AM

Happy Balentine's Day Sweetie!

Bullshitted by Lisa W. on February 14, 2007 12:39 PM