Barking....

… it is dark here now and a dog is barking off in the distance…. a neighbor that lives about a thousand meters away has it staked to the ground in their back lawn….. I spied upon it earlier this afternoon with my binoculars while it was being fed a monstrous bowl of dog food….

… I wish it would shut the hell up…..

… I hates me a barking dog… especially at night….

…. Were I an eviler man than I am, I would plot and execute his assassination forthwith….. but alas, I suppose that my old heart grows soft these days…. and besides, I’m too damnable lazy to put forth much more effort than squeezing a trigger…. Arthritis, you know…. and a monumentally overdeveloped blasé…

… hey, wow…. just as I was typing that last sentence, the damn dog shut up…..and the insane bastard has been hard at it for over two hours now… thank heavens for small wonders….. why, here I was getting my knickers all in a twist and imagining murderous rampa.….. damnation!.... a train just whistled at the county road crossing and the dog is back at it…..

… that dog needs to get countrified… and countrified quick….. obviously his owners have impeccable taste in canine-flesh…. dumb enough to bark wildly in the night at the passing of a train?.... oh yeah, that dog is obviously a pure breed….. any garden-variety mutt has enough sense to lay down and go to sleep at night and not get anxious over a stinking train-whistle….

… anyone know of a good one-liner about barking dogs?.... I’ve heard “let sleeping dogs lie” a million times and never really caught the gist of it…. I mean, does it imply that dogs are more trouble when they are awake?... that doggies who are awake are more likely to bite, bark, or want to play?.. is it a warning that dogs are dangerous?.... I just don’t get it…. but anyway, I would love to have a good zinger about barking dogs to cram into my neighbor’s mailbox in the morning….. I mean, a pet which is a nuisance to everyone within earsho……

ahhh… it’s stopped again….

.... I'm not pressing my luck.... y'all have a goodnight.....

by Eric on December 19, 2006 | Bullshit (16) | TrackBack (0) | Psycho Rants
Bullshit So Far

"Let sleeping dogs lie" is another way of saying "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." An abruptly awakened canine is liable to sink his fangs into your meaty calf.

Or it could mean that dogs, when sleeping, dream of the falsehoods they will spread on the morrow. Such thoughts as "My master is intelligent and thoughtful," or "I don't really want to bite that lady on the ass," or even "That dress does not make you look fat" may fill the dreams of somnolent curs, and we are encouraged to let them continue to do so.

Bullshitted by Elisson on December 19, 2006 09:02 PM

.... wise words, yes.... but you didn't give me a barking dog line.....

Bullshitted by Eric on December 19, 2006 09:04 PM

"Is there any point to which you would wish to draw my attention?"

"To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time."

"The dog did nothing in the night-time."

"That was the curious incident," remarked Sherlock Holmes.

Bullshitted by g on December 19, 2006 09:28 PM

Ya really don't want to hear MY solution to this do ya?... Nahhhhhhhh...i didn't think so!

Bullshitted by imp on December 19, 2006 09:47 PM

"My dogs are barking" = "My feet hurt."

That what you're looking for?

Bullshitted by Elisson on December 19, 2006 09:47 PM

all of my neighbors have dogs..

all of them get "left " to the backyard..

few get walked...

they all bark all GD day....and night it drives me freaking insane...

Bullshitted by armywifetoddlermom on December 19, 2006 10:59 PM

I.HATE.INCESSANT.BARKING.DOGS.
My neighbor has a yapping rat for a dog. He's fianlly gotten the hint to shut that damn thing up after a few encounters to his front door.
They tried to pull the "no speak English" crap. So I made it CRYSTAL clear to shut that damn thing up.

Bullshitted by Maeve on December 20, 2006 12:42 AM

My neighbor's shepherd barks incessantly. Rumsfeld hardly ever barks but he does howl when he hears sirens. He sounds kinda wolfish.

Bullshitted by LadyGunn on December 20, 2006 01:45 AM

"Let sleeping dogs lie"

"Let barking dogs die"

Bullshitted by imp on December 20, 2006 08:47 AM

And people wonder why I can't stand dogs.

I say put a picture in his mailbox of your foot, his dog and a goal post.

Bullshitted by drc on December 20, 2006 11:03 AM

Barking dogs build character.

And I'm sure that, if your character is in no need of building, there is a device or two in the garage that could silence the beast. And that builds character, too.

It's all about being a character.

Bullshitted by that1guy on December 20, 2006 11:09 AM

Arsenic meatballs. That'll do it.... and quietly.

Bullshitted by Alaska Kim on December 20, 2006 12:10 PM

that dawg don't hunt..

Bullshitted by GUYK on December 20, 2006 02:02 PM

Not being discriminating, but I have some Korean friends that say... dog is nioce to eat, as long as it is not barbecued, and is delicious in a soup, some what like stew.

Just a note... we've all tried "weird" things at some point... I have had dog, and it ain't bad.

Bullshitted by ralphd00d on December 22, 2006 03:34 AM

As for dogs that use their "burglar bark" on a train whistle at night, all I can pray is:

"let lying dogs sleep"

Bullshitted by Harvey on December 24, 2006 08:30 AM

My suggestion: Shoot the owners, not the dogs. I'd be barking all damned night too if someone left my ass out in the cold, tied to a chain.

Bullshitted by Sine.Qua.Non on December 26, 2006 09:46 PM