Eggs.......

.... it has been an interesting day here around the compound, campers....... and I am awfully tuckered out...... so I shall simply offer you a little something to help you get to sleep tonight........ I'll certainly have it down low on the stereo tonight as I fall asleep...... it is one from my private collection.... and it has always done me right.......

.... enjoy, I hope, some Tom Waits....

...... he's just a click away......

.... everyone on Earth should own an album that contains this song...........

Read the Bullshit »

Chasseur.....

..... I spent the better half of the afternoon locked in mortal combat with a obstinate weed-eater, ten fire ant mounds, and a ditch-line of unruly weeds....... and how'd your sweltering, steamy, sticky Sunday go?..... hmmm?.....

... it's all good though..... and actually it's time for a long, cool shower and a gin & tonic...... with a nice chicken a la chasseur baking in the oven.......

.... after all, one cannot spend the entirety of a day dressed as Che Guevara (except armed with a weed-whacker instead of an old Soviet rifle.), without sitting back, taking stock, and enjoying the spoils of your labor afterwards, yes?....

.... anyway, speaking of dinner, Wikipedia says that the dish I'm preparing tonight was present on the menu during the first run of the original Orient Express back in October of 1882.....

..... who says we ain't kultcha'd around here?......

Read the Bullshit »

Women....

.... I rewatched Bruce Willis kick ass again last night in "Unbreakable".... and, just like every time before, I was left with many more questions than answers....... down deep, though, I am a fairly committed Bruce Willis fan, so I can let most things slide when it comes to Bruce..... but I suppose the most intriguing thing is the whole Superhero/Antihero Yin-Yang thing that the story suggests is timeless......

.... it's a bit hard to swallow, really - the idea that comic books are somehow a window to the tales lost in the mists of time...... and that there are equal and opposite forces at work in our worlds, for that matter..... (I've always tended to think that people are innately good rather than bad, but then I have also been called a naf on a few occasions.)....

..... but tonight I enjoyed having my Sainted Mother over for dinner (I grilled shrimp and made a oil & vinegar pasta salad), and two things immediately popped into my head as she made her exit....

.... ever heard someone talk about the "unconditional love of a Mother for their child"?....... sure you have..... and hey, any Mother worth her salt is absolutely devoted - heart & soul - to her kids....... so, as one might figure, a proper Mother is Unconditional Love + Protector + Teacher + Disciplinarian + frigging Saint.......

..... but tonight another oft used quote came to mind regarding the fairer sex as my Mother ranted about my sibling's woes........ "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

...... things are afoot in the wind here that promise to be very interesting over the next week or so regarding Mothers & Their Offspring, folks.....

.... I guess my question - and how it relates to "Unbreakable" is this: if there is an equilibrium in this wonderful world we live in, what on earth is going to happen when a Mother is scorned by her child?...... which side will win?..... the Unconditional Love side, or the Hell Hath No Fury side?....... it's definitely one of those Unstoppable Forces meets Immovable Object kind of things, if you ask me........ but hey, I just don't know....

...... so, what do you think will happen?...... or should we all just sit around and read more comic books and grow our hair wild like Samuel L Jackson, or should we just allay ourselves to the fact that some old maxims are just plain bullshit?........

... for me?.... personally?..... well, I think the idea of me with an afro is absolutely hysterical......

Read the Bullshit »

Doctors....

..... I woke up this morning humming this tune and couldn't put my finger on it until late tonight..........

..... so for Farrah, Jocko, Ed, Bou's friend, and Jerry's momma....... a little Tom Waits......... I'm feeling a little bit blue myself.........

...... music is sometimes a balm....... goodnight, y'all........

Read the Bullshit »

Golf.....

..... the tournament at Wimbledon begins today..... and every year for the past 15, I have watched bits and pieces of the play there..... it's become an annual event for my household........ and never having been a tennis player, I'm awed by the players' abilities.... I took the time to watch The French Open in its entirety this year - something that I've never done before - and while the play was fun to watch, it just didn't have the civility of Wimbledon......

..... I suppose it is the grass.... or perhaps the white tennis outfits..... or maybe the old custom of serving strawberries and cream..... but it just seems so much more gentlemanly (and ladylike) when you watch the players at Wimbledon...... there are no flashy outfits to distract you from play..... it's just more genteel....

.... golf, on the other hand, is another thing all together...... there is an innate gentility to golfing, sure, but there there has always been something about golf that never caught my fancy....... Elisson writes a beautiful post here of fondly remembered golf memories, and it started this whole thought process spinning for me this morning.....

.... while I am a tolerable golfer at times (especially for the first nine holes), I can probably tally the number of times that I have played at well under 100.... and I guess that it is my status as a relative golf novice that keeps me from enjoying televised championships....

.... in all honesty, my first forays into the Golfing World consisted of covert, midnight, commando-style raids to steal harvest lost golf balls from our local country course.....

.... from the ages of 13-16 I was employed by a neighbor to do odd jobs around his home..... I mowed his lawn, helped him paint his log home, repaired broken palettes in his garage (he had a contract with a local manufacturing plant to buy their broken skids, repair them, and then sell them back to them so that the forklift operators could break them again.) ..... and during the occasional moonlit summer night, he'd telephone a few of his golfing buddies for a raid....

... looking back now, it doesn't seem logical for a well-paid, well-known Man of The Community to dress up in camouflage, sneak onto the local golf course, and wade through the ponds searching for errant golf balls...... but that's exactly what we did..... three or four men in their late twenties, and me.... hip deep in a pond, bent at the waist, feeling along the mud for a hard white orb.... and praying that you didn't lose a finger to a snapping turtle or catfish.... many was the time that I swept the murky gloom - my cheek barely touching the surface of the water - that I caught sight of water snakes hunting frogs only feet from where I was.....

..... good lord, I must have been to Ridgewood thirty times before I actually showed up with a proper tee time to play a round..... I still can't watch that scene in 'Apocalypse Now' where Martin Sheen's camo'd face peeps up from the steaming water without remembering Harry and how we stole all those golf balls...... and how much unabashed joy he seemed to get from selling those balls back to the clubhouse for fifty cents a piece......

.... later in life I lived twenty minutes from the course at Carnoustie.... and about thirty minutes from The Old Course at St. Andrews.... both of which hosted The British Open while I lived there...... and now, when I occasionally talk to the Upper Crust of County Society, that are both shocked, appalled, and just a bit saddened - as golfing enthusiasts themselves - to hear that I had so gleefully squandered such golfing opportunities that living 10 years in Scotland had offered me.....

... for instance, the last time that I played a round of golf was at the cliff-side course at Stonehaven in Scotland..... and as I recall, three of the party turned their clubs around and had an impromptu swordfight on the 15th green....

.... and it is forever thus, folks...... I've always enjoyed golf courses, I guess..... but certainly for all the wrong reasons.....

Read the Bullshit »

Aiming.......

..... today was The Longest Day..... June 21st, 2009...... the Summer Solstice....... and it passed here while spaghetti sauce bubbled, tonic glasses were filled, the Sun baked a hammocking, book-reading Sci-Fi fan.......

... it's nearly 9pm now, and it is still light enough outside to drive to town without switching the headlights on...... heavenly bodies are fascinating like that, you know?...... turning, twisting, and spinning through the vacuum of space.... arcing, arching, coming together and moving apart..... dawn, sunset, and midnight.... midday..... bound together in a relationship that is so incredibly complex.... like life magnified ten thousand times......

..... I've never been much of an astronomer, but I do own a telescope..... bought it online and had it shipped a few years ago when everyone was going on about Mars being closer to earth than it'd been in the past 10,000 years or something....... hell, I even threw a Martian Party that year, fired up the grill, invited 20 or so folks around, and set up that telescope facing entirely the wrong direction........

..... it's all good, though..... you don't have to be an astronomer to appreciate the majesty of it all...... although, if you do wish to see Mars?...... I highly suggest pointing your telescope in the right direction......

.... trust me.... that always helps.....

Read the Bullshit »

Alfredo.....

..... dropped the top on Blanche today and slinked into town for lunch.... then hit a charity bake sale for Lou Gering's Disease..... I tell you, people sure enjoy homemade Southern bake goods around here...... by the time we arrived, there was nothing left but a small stack of melted chocolate chip cookies and a few dilapidated slices of banana bread.....

..... still, it was a nice day for a drive through the country.... Blanche definitely has much more attitude than than Sylvia did.... the old style grille that the previous A4 sported was very Volkswagen-like..... and the headlights were sloped and smooth...... but on the new A4's?.... the grille is much meaner..... and when added to the curved, deep headlights?... it creates a positively devious look from the front...... but hey, devious can be extremely cool..... and pretty damn exciting as well.....

... not that we do devious here, per se...... but you get my point.....

.... anyhoo, I am off to get dinner started..... dinner guests arrive at five sharp, and I aim to please.....

Read the Bullshit »

Music....

.... nothing tonight, folks...... instead, a tune that I have been playing today whilst watching old WWII documentaries & eating locally harvested cheeseburgers........

.... the recording is from a few years ago....... but rest assured, not much has changed!......so here is a couchside version of "Nobody Knows You When You're Down & Out".......

.... what a day here on the compound........ I sweated BUCKETS today roaming Hell's Half-Acre........ I need a vacation!....

Read the Bullshit »

Water....

.... the storms that lumbered through last night didn't cause much damage....... merely leaving behind soggy, musty earth instead of downed limbs....... but, my.... they certainly were pretty to look at once darkness fell..... quite a light show, to be sure....

.... I turned in fairly early and slept like the dead...... and as I wandered into the bathroom to shower this morning, I noticed a pile of soaking clothes on the floor...... a quick investigation revealed an entire set of female clothing.... knickers, socks, bra, shirt, and trousers........ I was intrigued as to why exactly there were so soaked......

..... a few hours later when The Late Sleeper awoke, I asked why her clothes were wet in the bathroom......

.... well, my question was met with the oddest grin........ and then, slowly, she confessed...

.... evidently she had gone out to the patio after I had went to bed and "enjoyed the thunderstorm".... "enjoyed" being defined as sitting under a dogwood tree in the rain and watching the lightning.......

..... of course, this isn't the first time that she's "enjoyed" a storm or two..... but usually when it happens I am awake and can tell her to get her fool self indoors....... but, ahhh...... I've walked through storms before...... and I've certainly been rained on a million times...... and there is something wonderful about a good thunderstorm......

..... anyway, I'm off to scratch up something for dinner....... but I shall leave you with my latest earworm...... I've been humming this tune ever since I exited the shower this morning......

..... damn, I just love that song.......

Read the Bullshit »

Springsteen......

..... no quotes tonight, folks....... too damn tired from roaming around all day dressed as a Sandanista........ but still, I wanted to hear this.......

..... I am not a fan of Springsteen..... but there is just something about this song that makes me look to the heavens as the thunder rolls here......

Read the Bullshit »

GM.....

.... I do so love me some creative writing....... I love how ideas can be manipulated, new words created, and meaning caressed into the shape of something beautiful...... and while blogs are a great source of that, you're usually pretty hard pressed to find an example hiding out in your street side mailbox......

.... but yesterday?....... yesterday I found an absolute gem courtesy of General Motors...... just check this out.....

First off, I'd like to thank you for being a GM customer. Your current and future business means a lot to us. Given all of the recent media coverage about GM, I am writing you today to address some questions you may have, and to assure you that we are here to stay and ready to serve you.

As you may know, GM is using an expedited, court-supported process to accelerate the reinvention of our company. At the core of that reinvention is a commitment that we will put the customer first in all that we do - starting with great cars, trucks and crossovers, and the best sales and service experience possible.

..... isn't that just gorgeous?....... "an expedited, court-supported process to accelerate the reinvention of our company..." .......

.... is it just me, or is that the most creative way EVER of saying "bankruptcy"?......

Read the Bullshit »

Pasts.....

..... due to a series of wily circumstances beyond my control, I actually managed to get well & truly dirty today...... grass clippings, sweat, motor oil..... hell, even a bit of blood..... the scary thing is that I enjoyed every second of it..... I even hillbilly-engineered a cunning way to swap out the blades on the riding lawnmower..... and I've only a few nicks, scratches, and a bit of a sunburn to show for my efforts.....

..... anyway, enough of all that....... back to something a tad more interesting..... for instance, I happened to read this at Dax's site in between taking water breaks and switching out the cord in the weed eater and just couldn't help myself..... (evidently he was a squaw, by the way...) .. here's what the Almighty, All-knowing Internet has to say about my past life....

Your past life diagnosis:

-------------------------------------------------------

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern East Australia around the year 1825. Your profession was that of a philosopher and thinker.

-------------------------------------------------------

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Timid, constrained, quiet person. You had creative talents, which waited until this life to be liberated. Sometimes your environment considered you strange.

---------------------------------------------------------

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your main task is to make the world more beautiful. Physical and spiritual deserts are just waiting for your touch. Keep smiling!

---------------------------------------------------------

.... hmmmmm.... iiiiiinteresting...... feel free to get your own right here, if you're interested.......

Read the Bullshit »

Riverbend....

.....well, The Riverbend Festival in Chattanooga was a blast...... and the B-52's were absolutely true to form.... plaid shirts, big hair, flailing shawls, high-heeled women, and a wicked electric guitar wailing across the baselines.......... dancing fans, the jostling overflows from bottles as dancers accidentally bumped together, the yachts out on the Tennessee River, the lights, the beer.......

..... honestly, I was amazed most by the crowd...... the volume of young people was out of this world...... they weren't necessarily there to watch one band or another, but they strolled the streets - bottles of beer in hand - in massive, trance-like lines....... one hand on a girlfriend's shoulder, neck, or back pocket..... and the other cradling a Budweiser as they plodded along the boulevards from performance stage to stage....... some drunk, some sober....... some were drugged out of their gourds........ big hair, wild-haired, dreadlocks, delicately manicured coiffures & collared polo shirts, dyed hair, crew cuts, Mohawks, and ear rings..... attitudes, glances, jumbled conversations...... the vast anonymity of being in a moving crowd filled with short, tall, slim, fat, tattooed, pierced, or tie-dyed...... elderly, elegant, and ragtag....... dark, light, henna, Hispanic, white, and tan....... and even one fellow who had painted himself fluorescent red... and dyed his ZZ Top style beard neon blue....... not to mention the flashing flags that he had strapped to his stove-pipe hat..........

.... and the shoes?..... at one point I sequestered myself away for a cigarette.... and I had found this great, shady spot beneath a small covey of trees....... and as I squatted there smoking, watching the jumbotron, and sipping my beer..... the parade of painted toes in sandals was enthralling...... who knew that every UTC student in Chattanooga wore sandals?...... the girls wore sandals with their Daisy Duke shorts.... or their saris..... or their cocktail dresses.... or their jogging pants....... and the boys wore them with jeans five inches too long so that the heel of their foot rested firmly on three inches of uncuffed jean that had somehow made the circuit to their flip-flop's heel..... a weird sort of connective-cushioning..... but college towns are always Alive like that, aren't they?...... good god, I was amazed.......

..... everything was alive...... alive..... like the lightning off in the distance as the concert ended - highlighting the Cumberland Plateau off to the west....... silent, it was, but electric....... and as their encore played and the lights flashed, the clouds exploding 30 miles away reflected in the river behind the stage.......... it was just so beautiful......

..... in short?..... last night was gorgeous...... the music was good....... the fans were fantastic......... and the food was tasty - but expensive...... and the beer - well, the GOOD beer was a damn long walk from Center Stage........ but...... but there is nothing like sitting on the banks of the Tennessee River in Chattanooga and watching the world go by in June.......

.... everyone should visit Riverbend....... no matter who is playing......

Read the Bullshit »

B-52.....

...... I'm off to Chattanooga's Riverbend Music Festival to watch a herd of 80's Children jump around to "Planet Claire", "Love Shack", and something called "Rock Lobster"...... evidently the B-52's are in town and a big-haired celebration is in order.... too bad, really, because "Treasure of the Sierra Madre" is just coming on TCM..... and all things considered, I'd rather watch Walter Huston do his happy dance once he finds the gold.....

.... of course, I shall be using the opportunity to take lots and lots of photographs..... heh heh heh.......

Read the Bullshit »

Ukulele.....

....... I absolutely adore The Internet....... no, really...... really....... and after watching these two videos tonight, I feel somehow renewed........ who knew that I'd find hope in humanity with a PBR, a ukulele, and some strangers john?.......

.... The Internet, quite frankly, is just plain awesome....

...... the beer break in the middle was the gilding of the lily, if you ask me.........

Read the Bullshit »

Chops......

..... pork chops, heavily coated in black pepper & a little sea salt...... sauted in a dab of butter & a splash of Worcestershire sauce until brown on both sides...... and then gently lowered into a casserole dish filled with cream of mushroom soup, a cup of double cream, a cup of diced & sauted onions, and two cloves of crushed garlic...... with a plan to bake that at 375 for 45 minutes..... my goodness.....

.... steamed baby Dutch potatoes, and fresh corn on the cob courtesy of my houseguest for the past two days, Mr. Sam......

... that, boys & girls, is what's for dinner....

.... there's nothing like a properly gravied pork chop to drive the horses of normality back to their stables, rubberneckers....... pork chops feed the soul just as much as the satisfy the paunch...... and whipping up a batch that are 'just like Mamma used to make'?..... well, it's a balm to sooth the thorniest of attitudes.....

.... in other news, I happened to see my first toad of the season today..... marbled with grays & browns, he looked exactly like a hopping gravel....... a itty-bitty little fellow, he was, and were I not a man of such keen senses I'd likely have trod on him.... but he was fortunate to have caught me on a day when my rapier like skillz & karmic radar were both at maximum power.....

.... had I met him this Friday past?.... after lunchtime?..... well, he'd be laying out back with his lower intestines peeking wetly from his lipless mouth, I reckon.....

..... thus the world goes 'round, right?..... one day you're the windshield, the next day you're the bug........ or perhaps The Stones were right..... and if you try sometimes, you just might find that you get what you need?...... hey, I'm down with that as a Bit of Wisdom.....

...... trouble is, most folks don't really want what they need...... me, though?..... I certainly don't have that problem.....

...mmmmm...... pork chops ......

Read the Bullshit »

Signals....

..... my goodness, what a day....... it appears that the proverbial shit has hit the fan regarding a family member of mine, and it was no one's fault but his own........ but, being ever the philosophical fellow that I am, as soon as I heard the news, an old, old joke crept out of the dusty, spider-webbed area at the back of my brain......... and since I cannot seem to find the original version on the Internet, I'll just re-tell it again myself as best as I can recall..... that said, here you go......

..... The Signalman, by Eric....

.... one day - way up in the hills of Tennessee - a Southern Railway signalman sat in his shack beside the tracks going about his railroad business..... checking time tables, work orders, etc......

.... but on this particular day, a surprise inspection had been scheduled without the old timer's knowledge......

.... the suited Southern Railroad Man - fresh from the Atlanta offices - arrives unannounced and begins to quiz the signalman about how he performs his duties.....

.... clipboard in hand, the handsome young Atlantian begins.... "what would you do if you realized that two trains were both on your section of track at the same time and a collision was likely?"....

.... the old timer scratched at his beard and eyed the whippersnapper... "well, I reckon that I'd get on the radio and contact both trains and tell them both to stop, sir.."....

..... "and if their radios were broken?"....

..... "hmmmm, well, I would get on the phone to the Dispatcher down in Knoxville and have them use their teletype to contact the trains..."

.... "and if your telephone was broken?"...

..... "well, I would head up the street and use the payphone, I guess..."

..." and what if it had been vandalized by some of these hillbilly kids??"

.... "our kids aren't like that, Mister... but I see what you're getting at....... hmmm..... I reckon that I'd use my machine here to throw the switch to put the trains on different tracks...."

....."and if the power was out to your machine??"

...... beginning to get a bit disturbed, the old man thought for a bit..... "well, I'd just go out and throw the switch manually..... using my key here to unlock the lever.."

..."and if the lock was frozen?".....

..... "well, I'd get Mr. Jenkins from the Hardware store to run as fast as he could along the tracks northwards with these signal flares...... and I'd head southwards with mine..... and we'd try to flag both trains manually...".....

.... "and if your flares wouldn't light?"....

.... "AHH!", says the old man, finally knowing exactly what to do..... "WELL, if all of them things happened like you said they did?....... I know just EXACTLY what I would do!.... I'd call for Uncle Bob to get down here as quick as he could!"....

.... absolutely perplexed at this final answer, the young man stammers, "what??..... why on earth would you want your Uncle Bob down here??!"....

..... "Hell, son!.... that's EASY!..... Uncle Bob ain't never SEEN a train wreck before!".....


...... baaaaaaaa bump bump.......

.... just call me the signalman, ladies and gents......... today, of all days, it just about fits me perfectly.......

Read the Bullshit »

New!.....

..... two tasks before I am off to bed, folks..... firstly, I would like to wish a very happy birthday to Lou's daughter, Skybag..... many, many happy returns, ma'am!......

..... and, as I promised, here's Blanche......... exactly the same as Sylvia with the following changes - slightly bigger engine, a slightly brighter shade of white, fancier shoes, and a better Bose audio system....... other than that, she feels just exactly like Sylvia did........ which, I might add, was very nice, indeed..........

.... if you're in the market for a new car?......... well, you cannot go wrong with an Audi, rubberneckers......... and y'all can trust Uncle Eric on that one......... yea, verily......

blanche1_small.jpg

blanche2_small.jpg

....... and with that, boys and girls, I am dark until morning!......

Read the Bullshit »

Eyebrows....

...... In a perfect world, every man should have Lee Marvin's voice.......... it is caramelized honey dosed heavily with nicotine and bourbon.......... his voice?..... I could listen to him read books for hours.......... but equally, in a perfect world?..... no man on Earth should ever have his eyebrows.........

...... unless they have a job scrubbing pots at the local greasy spoon with their faces......

...... marvelous man, ole Lee...... and a fellow Marine as well.......

......and tomorrow?....... photographs of Blanche, my new ride........ I promise..... you have my word....

Read the Bullshit »

Afghanistan......

.... during my most recent visit to Scotland, I was happy to be gifted a book that was owned by my brother-in-law, Alasdair.... he and I share a common love of poetry, and when I saw the book, I immediately became covetous..... he, knowing the Look of Covetousness as well as any fine Scottish man might, knew right off that he would earn serious favor-points if he should offer the book to me as a gift......

..... and, canny fellow that he is, he did just that....... it sits here on the table before me now, actually, and I have been reading sporadically most of the day.......

....... I must say, though, that most of you will never have heard tell of this particular poet....... and that is quite alright, for he is indeed a dire, dire poet...... not for the faint of heart, I'm afraid...... and most definitely not for those who lack a deep-seated love for The Written Verse....or, indeed, a hearty sense of humor......

.... I speak, of course, of the works of Mr. William Topaz McGonagall.....of Dundee, Scotland......... and the book that I salivated over so covetously?...... William McGonagall - Collected Poems....... and brothers & sisters?.... it is a MUST for anyone who considers themselves a Connoisseur of The Written Word......

.... Mr. McGonagall is noted, mainly, for being the worst poet in the English language....... but his poems are not just bad...... they are so bad that they actually come into themselves as satire - which he most definitely did not intend...... which only adds to the comedic effect of the poem........ as an example?.... upon the death of Alfred, Lord Tennyson (the sitting Poet Laureate), McGonagall actually walked 60 miles from Dundee to Balmoral to ask Queen Victoria if he could have the job........ that, dear friends, is chutzpah........

..... but yes, I know that I am boring you...... blah, blah, blah, history, poetry, blah, put up or shut up!........ indeed....... so I shall endeavor to cut to the chase and find a suitable location for myself out of doors for the rest of the evening.......... and simply leave you with an absolute beauty from Mr. William Topaz McGonagall to chew upon tonight......

General Roberts in Afghanistan, by William McGonagall

'Twas in the year 1878, and the winter had set in,
Lord Roberts and the British Army their march did begin,
On their way to Afghanistan to a place called Cabul;
And the weather was bitter cold and the rivers swollen and full.

And the enemy were posted high up amongst the hills,
And when they saw the British, with fear their blood thrills;
The savages were camped on the hillsides in war array,
And occupying a strong position which before the British lay.

And viewed from the front their position was impregnable,
But Lord Roberts was a general of great skill;
Therefore to surprise the enemy he thought it was right,
To march upon the enemy in the dead of night.

Then the men were mustered without delay,
And each man of them was eager for the fray;
And in the silent darkness they felt no dismay,
And to attack the enemy they marched boldly away.

And on they marched bravely without fear of doubt,
And about daybreak the challenge of an Afghan sentinel rang out,
And echoed from rock to rock on the frosty biting air;
But the challenge didn't the British scare.

The the Highlanders attacked from left and right,
And oh! it was a gorgeous and an inspiring sight;
For a fierce hand to hand struggle raged for a time,
While the pibrochs skirled aloud, oh! the scene was sublime.

Then the Ghoorkas did the Afghans fiercely attack,
And at every point and turning they were driven back;
And a fierce hand to hand struggled raged for a time,
While in the morning sunshine the British bayonets did shine.

And around the ridge or knoll the battled raged for three hours,
And British bullets fell amongst them in showers;
For Captain Kelso brought up his mountain battery,
And sent his shells right into the camp of the enemy,
Then the left of the Afghans was turned, and began to flee.

Meanwhile, on the enemy's strong position Lord Robertson launched an attack,
And from their position they could hardly be driven back
Because the Afghans were hid amongst the woods and hills,
Still with undaunted courage, the British blood thrills.

And the Afghans pressed the British hotly, but they didn't give way,
For the 8th Ghoorkas and the 72nd kept them at bay;
And the mountain guns shells upon them did fire,
The the 8th Punjaub, bounding up the heights, made them retire.

Then Major White seized a rifle from on of his men and did retire,
And leveled the piece fearlessly and did fire;
And with a steady and well-timed shot,
He shot the Afghan leader dead on the spot.

The the British with a wild cheer dashed at them,
And on each side around they did them hem;
And at the bayonet charge they drove them down the hill,
And in the hundreds they did them kill.

Then in a confused mass they fled down the opposite side of the hill,
In hundreds, driven by sheer force sore against their will;
And helter-skelter they did run,
For all their positions were carried and the victory won.

Then on the 8th of August again Lord Roberts' march began,
For to fight the rebel Ayoob Khan;
And with an army about seven thousand strong
On his way to Candahar he fearlessly marched along.

And the battle that followed at Candahar was a complete victory.
And Lord Roberts' march to Candahar stands unrivalled in history;
And let's thank God that sent Lord Roberts to conquer Ayoob Khan,
For from that time there's been no more war in Afghanistan.

Success to Lord Roberts; he's a very brave man,
For he conquered the Afghans in Afghanistan,
With an army about seven thousand strong,
He spread death and desolation all along.

........ see what I mean?....... damn.... that was so bad, that it was actually pretty good!......

Read the Bullshit »

Blogging....

..... good evening, rubberneckers........ I'm going to have to check my archives, but I am pretty damn sure that squirrels mate in June around here...... why?.... well, because two have been chasing each other up and down the tree outside the blogroom window for most of the day....... and one of them looks absolutely terrified.... and the other one looks, well, you know....... up to something, if you catch my drift..... but so far, I've (thankfully) yet to bear witness to actual squirrel coitus (as I traumatically have in the past - thus the need for re-checking the archives to find a date.)...

.... anyway, apart from a quick jaunt to town in the new ride - Blanche - I have little to report...... except that the last two days have absolutely rocked, and I have enjoyed both of them immensely.....

.... oh, and Hoosierboy deserves a serious pat on the back...... so go on over and congratulate him....... hell, anyone who keeps a blog for four years deserves some sort of lifetime achievement medal.... so congratulations, Hoosierboy...... keep on punchin' those keys........

.... and hey, keep your chin up...... at least you don't write about the sex lives of squirrels.......

Read the Bullshit »