Back....

.... well, I'm back..... and it was quite a trip.... music, celebration, mourning, laughing..... remembering..... meeting new people - family.... real family......

..... but more on that later, as I am off to bed..... I am tired and I've done 1000 miles, nine beers, 1 quart of moonshine, and a sizeable amount of rum in the past 24 hours..... so I'm beat....

... but I am glad I went.....

Fog...

.... It is foggy here.... 7:30 in the morning and a fine mist is hanging in the tree tops out back.... it's warm and the air feels heavy with moisture... sitting on the patio a few minutes ago, I noticed that the fog doesn't quite meet the ground.. and instead, it is hovering up around fifteen or twenty feet.... up where the limbs and branches tangle.. up where the canopy converges over my chair....

.. stunning, really.... and the world is still asleep....

... just another Wednesday... but not just another Wednesday....things are different now....

... later today I will be polishing up the long-underused wingtips and packing my bags.... and I'll be up early on Thursday for a roadtrip.... meeting old friends (and some new ones) in a beautiful city... tipping back a few jars and listening to some tales of a life spent....

... I wish the world were awake to see my patio this morning.... It isn't much, but it is mine... but really, all you have to do is look at it the right way and it will amaze you....

.... quiet and warm.... with just a hint of a breeze... and a train whistle sounding off in the distance.... fresh coffee in hand.... and bare feet on cool stones....

.... everyone should be here at least once in their life....

Services....

... I just received an email from Rob's brother... he asked me to spread the word...

There will be a Memorial service for Rob at 4 pm this Thursday, June 29th, at Fox & Weeks Funeral home on Hodgson Memorial Drive in Savannah, followed by a celebration (can't be a wake if it's after the funeral) at our Mom's house, with guitars, voices, songs, toasts, tributes and assorted Rob stories. (As one of Rob's local friends said, "There are so MANY!")

The celebration is 1505 Buckingham Way in Savannah. There will be directions at the service, or I can send them to you.

Please get the word out. Thanks!

.. thanks, Dave... I know a lot of people were wanting to know the details...

Rube...

... this, dear friends, is perfect... absolutely perfect.....

Untitled

Dear Rob,

... I took the news of your passing this morning with a very heavy heart... as I sit here now, I am listening to the song I asked you to play for me in Austin back in April... you know the song I'm talking about... the one that you could sing so well... thank you for singing it for me in Texas....

... damn, I am sad to see you go...

.... remember when I first met you in Dahlonega and you tossed me that ugly-assed Jawja Blogger tee-shirt as I walked up to the table?... I had only been keeping a blog for three months when I met you and the gang... and I never felt so welcome... remember back at the cabin with all of us playing and singing and smoking?... what a night... Kelley and Georgia singing "Me and Bobby McGee"?... man, Halloween on Blood Mountain... what a trip....

... remember that time me and Dax Montana carried you from The Troll in Helen all the way down the street to the Chalet Kristy after the Georgia/Vandy game?... and Key painted your toenails red once we got there?... Jimbo chugged that apple brandy moonshine that Dax had brought and then got HIS toenails painted... mercy....

... damn, brother... I miss you already...

.... hey, so you remember when the Wife and I snuck down to Savannah for that weekend and we all met up at the Six Pence Pub?... best damn Reuben Sandwich on the face of the planet... and some great company for that meal too.... that's when I first got a chance to meet your brother... you two looked so much alike that it was scary... the poor guy....

... I remember meeting your daughter at your Mother's funeral in Savannah.... I can't even imagine what she is feeling right now...

... man, it was so good to see you clean and sober in Austin.... We were all worried about you after Helen last year.. you looked like hammered dogshit, Rob... and when I helped you into the back of Rick and Georgia's car, I thought that was the last I'd ever see you alive.... but I was wrong.. a lot of us were wrong....

... you were stronger than we'd thought and it was beautiful to see.... I remember sending you those hideous cat-covered cards while you were getting dried-out at Willingway... it was pretty funny when you'd write back cussing in long-hand... cuss words look so much more civilized when they're written in cursive....

... you were a true original, bud.... and I respected you more than you'd ever have imagined... of course, I didn't always agree with you, but that was alright... you've made my life richer.... and you will be missed...

... here's to you, Rob... you always said this was one of your favorites... it's one of mine too.....

Your friend,

Eric

Missed....

.... back in January, I mentioned how nice it was to sip gin and watch happy young lasses prepare for a lifetime of wedded bliss... how the times do change, people... just a few short months ago, it truly was a sight to recline back in a cozy nook and watch them come and go....

... prior to arriving at The Palm, I had even mentioned the scene to Denny... and how pleasant it was to see everything unfolding across the street in white satin and crushed silk.... and I was very much looking forward to seeing it again.... so it was with a heavy heart that I strode through the doors and onto the veranda to find the bridal parlor closed... windows boarded up... sprigs of weedlings clinging to cracks in the black asphalt driveway.... white antebellum columns standing stark and graying....

... next door, a building site... complete with fifteen-story crane and a high wall with "Coming soon - The Mansion on Peachtree! An exclusive living community".... times change, I suppose... progress marches on... but I sure missed seeing those young couples laugh and giggle as they walked the path towards their tuxedos and tiaras....

... some moments and some scenes are fleeting, I suppose... and once they are gone they are lost forever... so I'm kinda glad I had a chance to witness that moment back in January... the veranda at The Palm will never be the same again....

Shoes...

... the Wife and I zipped down to Atlanta over the weekend for her birthday get-away, and we had a great time.... initially I was dragged - kicking and screaming - into the murky depths of Lennox Mall at mid-day on Saturday....

.... the place was packed... after a few exhausting hours of walking around aimlessly picking up random plastic objects, inspecting them, and placing them casually back onto their shelf shopping, I finally managed to break free.... and in a quiet moment of alone-time, I reclined back against a pillar near an indoor fountain, sipped my blueberry slurpie through its thin straw, and telephoned Elisson....

.. I nearly choked on a mouthful of frozen, blueberry-flavored goodness when Elisson's smarmy guffaw hit my ears....

... it seems that I was visiting Hotlanta right smackdab in the middle of Gay Pride Week... the man seemed to think it was quite funny... especially considering my Knoxville trip from a few weeks ago.... But me?... I just looked at it as another opportunity to witness life in all its variety.. life like it always is.. full of complexities, weirdness, and humor out the ass...

... later that night, I met up with Denny, Thunderman, and Elisson for a few rounds at The Palm... and then off to an Indian restaurant for some korma and naan....

... the whole meal was pretty cool, actually.... I had told Denny earlier that a surprise was awaiting him back at the bar, and he was busy all night trying to guess the identities of his "surprise"....

.... People, y'all should have seen his face when Boudicca's babysister locked her pretty eyes with the Grouchy Old Cripple's feeble peepers... the man melted into a little puddle of the most un-grouchy goo you could possibly imagine... Morrigan is an incredible sweetie, and she treated Denny like a King all night... even considering that her Beauhunk was sitting right beside her!...

... we laughed and drank and probably made too much noise for The Palm's crowd... but it was a good night with some fine people.... the Wife and I even received an invitation to visit the Highland Games at Stone Mountain with Morrigan and Beauhunk.. and possibly catch TGOO playing the pipes.... now, I ask you.. how can anyone turn down an opportunity like that?....

... anyway, Saturday evening was incredible.... Saturday night was even better... but this morning?... well, after a shining breakfast of steak and eggs, it all fell apart.... I took the following photo with my handy-dandy cell phone to show you just a small part of the Hell I endured from 11:45 to 3 today....

... just between me and you, well, I'd rather have faced a screaming horde of rabid chipmunks.... naked... and hogtied.... and coated in some substance that chipmunks like to nibble.....

Errol...

... this morning's usual breakfast of vitamins and coffee was beefed up slightly.... 800mg of ibuprofen and a nice juicy muscle-relaxer were added to the mix... gentle stuff... and it beats ham and eggs hands-down.....

... I guess having a gin-soaked swordfight with my shadow as the evening Sun was shining doesn't really agree with me... especially when the sword weighed eight pounds and the shadow was a lot faster than me...

... I tell ya, those swashbucklers made that shit look easy.... as much as I like blades, I think I'll have to stick with firearms... jumping around flailing a two-foot long hunk of steel is just too much like hard work...

... in other news, I'm off to The Big City in a little while... a wee weekend getaway.... so y'all be good boys and girls while I'm away... I'll see you rubberneckers Sunday night..

Amazing...

... my Dad worked away from home most of my childhood.... as head of his own Maintenance of Way gang, the railroad supplied him with a small trailer to sleep in while he was on the road.... parked near a depot in some small town, he'd retire to that tiny trailer after his workday was done... hard work it was, too... he was a welder with a 5th grade education, but still managed to accomplish some amazing things in his life...

... today I went through his old barn - that he and I had built together when I was ten - and prowled through the dusty stuff... the man was a complete packrat.. nuts, bolts, hammers, light fixtures, log chains, axes, chainsaw chains... all shelved or leaning in corners or filling old Maxwell House coffee tins.... I even found an old baby bottle that was mine... shaped like a basset hound sitting on its hind legs....

... during those long hours he spent away from his family, he took up a few hobbies... at first, it was exercising... he'd jog or do push-ups after sweating and toiling all day on the hot tracks... later it was fence-building....he'd split a discarded crosstie into four pieces and then use an axe to taper the ends... making the bodies symmetrical.. then he'd bring the cross-pieces back home to be used as railings in a fence he was building on the weekends....

... but his last little hobby before getting ill, was making swords.... and just as with all of his endeavors, he dove in whole hog... using a side-grinder, an electric welder, and a cutting torch, he kept himself occupied every evening for years making swords...

... it hit me today hard... just how much time it must have taken him... and the great lengths he strode to keep his mind off of being away... he could just as easily have gotten off work and hit the nearest pub..... but instead he stayed there around that trailer and kept his hands busy... that just amazes me....

... I sorted through stacks and stacks of those swords today... each one different.. each one an example of a man who could work a 30lb sidegrinder with the grace, gentleness, and precision of a master....

... I picked out a small selection... six or seven pieces... and I'll hang them up in the garage next week....

Swords...

... today I'm off to rummage through my Father's barn with a good friend of mine.... it has been a long time since I've set foot in that building..

... once upon a time, my Dad used his spare time after work to weld and grind swords and knives out of broken pieces of railroad rail... and the barn is absolutely full of his barbaric creations.... He was constantly busy with his hands... bending copper wire, flattening copper pipes, or beating on a piece of brass on his anvil to fashion sculpturic pieces of "art"

... my Dad was a gentle man, but he definitely had a Conan The Barbarian streak in him.... well, a bit of Conan and a bit of Dali..

.. anyway, what weapons and artifacts I find in the ramshackle building today will be displayed on the wall of my garage as ornaments... or for use just in case things get gnarly on a poolnight and we find ourselves in need of chopping instruments... or maybe just in need of pondering some strange bit of twisted metal....

... besides, you just never know when you'll be called upon to outfit a squad of warriors with big, scary, weapons.... What?... hey, it could happen.....

Grilled...

... the differences in cultures is often quite striking... and nothing brought that closer to home today than when The Wife decided she would make grilled cheese sandwiches...

... after cleaning myself up, getting some water into me, and letting my heart rate drop back to normal levels, I was given a treat that I don't often get...

... simple, elegant, and just plain good... she prepared one Scottish family's version of a grilled cheese sandwich...

... now it is hardly recognizable as a "sandwich" since it only has one slice of bread... but I'm not one to quibble over details.. besides, the little thing just oozes goodness...

... she turns the oven on 350 and places a piece of sandwich bread on the tray... once one side is toasted, she removes the tray, turns the bread over, and drizzles the soft side with plenty of Worcester sauce... then, copious amounts of extra sharp cheddar cheese is layered across the sauce-laden bread... the whole thing gets popped back in the oven until the cheese bubbles and begins to brown...

... you simply take it out of the oven and let it cool for a bit... and then eat it like a piece of the most tasty toast you've ever slobbered on....

... back when my Momma cooked a grilled cheese it involved butter, two slices of Kraft singles, a frying pan, and two pieces of sandwich bread... and that baby got fried... and when it got tossed out of the frying pan - all limp with melted butter - it looked like a sandwich.. sure, it wasn't grilled, but saying "anyone want a pan-fried cheese sandwich" just doesn't roll off the tongue properly...

... I'm not going to say which one is best... hey, I'm all about diversity in the grilled cheese arena... but one thing is for sure....

... it is damn-near impossible to screw up a grilled cheese sandwich.... no matter what you do, it's still gonna be tasty... and if it is hot and cheesy... well, that's good enough for me....

... but now that I think of it, it does beg the question... why they are called "grilled" cheese sandwiches to begin with?.. I mean, does anyone actually grill their grilled cheese sandwiches?... weird...

Update: ... after further consideration, it kinda makes sense to call them grilled cheese sandwiches if it is referring to the "grill" in a diner...

Time...

... well, the day is here.... and you people really let me down... the Sun is shining and the birds are chirping... and there isn't a damn cloud in the sky... I said pray for RAIN, people...

.. anyway, I'm still optimistic that this will fall through... and since I have nothing else to write about, I'll keep a running record of today's non-tennis events....

8:30 - made coffee.... no sign of movement from the master bedroom....

10:00 - made second pot of coffee and jumped into the shower... she's still sleeping...

10:23 - (that's now)... put on shorts, tee-shirt, socks, and sneakers... you know, just in case... bedroom door remains closed...

... updates to follow...

10:40 - ... uh oh... I just heard the toilet flush.. I may be in trouble...

10:48 - ..... all is quiet again... I'm safe... I peeked in the door and there was a giant wad of bedclothes in the center of the bed with brown curly hair sticking out the top..

10:54 - .... damnation... I think hearing the door click shut woke her up... she's moved through to the couch and is watching American Movie Classics on tv...

11:26 - ... ooohhhh yeah... TNT has old episodes of "ER" running back to back.... this is going to take a while.....

1:03 - .... it is done... an hour of bouncing a little yellow ball back and forth on the deck... it was quite fun... well, in a "bouncing a beachball" kind of way.... the thought being that we need to practice our skills in private before hitting a pubic court and looking like morons... (it is debatable if that is ever going to be achievable)...

... now I just need to find a shady spot and re-hydrate... oh, and another thing... is it ok to take smoke breaks between sets?... I did and I think it improved my game... then again, this was my first ever attempt at "tennis".....

Tonight....

... it's blurry, sure.... but you can blame the photographer for that..... but here is a shot of me missing a bank of the 8-ball.... a side-pocket miscalculation.... bloody typical, really....

... but still, a great time was had by all..... Gary and Paul were in fine form... me?..... well, you win some and you lose some.... but that is always the case.....

Rain...

... sitting here waiting for the pool-shooters to show up, I noticed my day's purchase wasn't put away... so I walked them through to their new home and closed the door... the Utility Room....

...you know, I spent quite a lot of time in the delayed-entry program before hitting bootcamp.. and I used that time to try to get in shape... lots of hikes, pull-ups, and push-ups... I even wore a pair of old combat boots for a little while every day to try to toughen my feet up...

... it didn't work though... and the first forced-march that 3rd Battalion dropped on me cut my feet up pretty bad... but you know, that is how you develop calluses... but by the end of 13 weeks, my heels were as hard as my noggin...

... they issued me a pair of running shoes too... New Balance, I believe... light as a feather and truly excellent shoes... of course, by the end of training they were a complete wreck... the heat and humidity of May, June, July, and August at Parris Island - combined with the sweat from running, the constant soakings from running underneath the sprinkler arches to keep from heatstroking, and the continual sandy runs - well, those sneakers were well and truly done-in by the end of bootcamp....

... while on military leave before heading to my first duty station, I picked up a pair of Nike's new running shoes... Air Pegasus, they were called... I ended up owning two pairs of those... both ended up being tossed in the dumpster because my big toe had worn a hole in the fabric at the top of the shoe... miles and miles of running, they endured.... and then were unceremoniously shit-canned... pretty good shoes though...

... after de-mobbing from the Corps, I bought one more pair of "sporty" shoes... black Adidas Samba Classics.... a hideously ugly shoe that was intended to be used for indoor soccer.... not exactly being the stylish type anyways, their ugliness suited me just fine and I bought them... they finally bit the dust a couple of years ago after almost ten years of faithful service...

... since then I have remained happily without "sporty" shoes...

.. I currently own and wear two pairs of H.S. Trask saddle-shoes (which fucking rock, by the way)... one pair of black wingtips.. one pair of black cold-weather Danner Ft. Lewis combat boots... one pair of black leather hot-weather combat boots... one pair of some weird moccasin type shoe... and one pair of brown Justin cowboy boots.... oh, and a set of flip-flops that I got for Christmas one year...

... to be honest, I don't own sneakers for the same reason I don't own a pick-up truck.. if I had one, I'd be asked to HAUL stuff... and if I had sneakers?... well, the next thing you know I'd be RUNNING AROUND.... homey don't play that... I hate running around worse than I hate hauling stuff...

... needless to say, I now own a pair of sneakers... bought them today in Athens... New Balance running shoes... $59.99.... so it appears my sedentary days appear to be approaching their end....

... the REAL punchline is in what else I purchased today at the behest of my Missus... behold:

... I know, I know... I can hardly believe it myself.... but tomorrow, we play tennis..... 96 degrees and we're going to play tennis because we "need the exercise"... shit... I'd rather put my sneakers on and kick a beehive than ponce around on some melted hunk of asphalt twirling a tennis racquet like JohnfuckingMcEnroe....

... having said that, I have a sincere favor to ask you rubberneckers... and I hope that all of us combined can pull it off.... tonight, as you settle yourselves into bed... or say grace around your evening meal... or dance naked in wild, heathen celebration of The Goddess' Solstice Day.... please pray for rain tomorrow... lots and lots of rain.... I would consider it a personal favor....

... anyway, now I'm off to preside over a meeting of the newly reconstructed Eagle Glen Social Club.... and yes, there will be pizza...

Dancing...

.. informed via email today by my buddy James in Scotland, I am happy to hear that today is the summer solstice... damn, and I don't have a thing to wear...

... I hate it when holidays sneak up on me like this...

.... although I have never celebrated Solstice Day before, this year will be a first... I just have to figure out what I need to do to properly accentuate the day.. perhaps a bonfire and some quasi-religious bugle-blowing.... maybe some naked dancing on the patio?... sloshing wine and padding my little feet on the smooth, flat patio stones with a pagan beat?.... I just don't know.... goodness, I hate being unprepared like this...

... any suggestions would be greatly appreciated....

Dutiful...

.... after a taxing morning of sitting on the patio drinking coffee, the Missus informed me that I was to take her to lunch this afternoon... being the dutiful husband I am, I closed ranks, found the keys, and asked where she'd like to sup.... "Tellico", she said... "I want to sit by the river and eat lunch.."... and well, that is exactly what we did... oh, and here's the view from where I sliced my sausages today...

...a nicer little nook to gnaw on a pulled pork sandwich can't be found for a good seventy miles, people... and that's a fact... so if you ever find yourself in Tellico Plains with a twenty in your pocket and an appetite, I highly recommend you give them a visit... it's downright civilized...

.. the only downer to the whole afternoon was when I received a phone call from Thunderman... chit chat was enjoyed for a while - as I am as polite as the day is long.... and then he asked me what I was up to... well children, you should have heard the string of frothing obscenities that was thrown my way... that boy can cuss... it nearly put me off my venison...

Age...

... this morning I'm off to the patio... coffee and magazine in hand... to contemplate the wisdom of Big Stupid Tommy... and then, maybe later I'll go swimming...

Decisions....

.... after sawing off some dead limbs today, I sat out on the patio and contemplated the meaning of life for a while.... I sipped a ceremonial rum and Coke and kicked back.... the wind chimes were going peacefully and the sweat was slowly drying off my back... and the more I thought about it all, the more I really began to wish that I could buy Soren Kierkegaard a beer... or mix him up a snazzy gin and tonic while he relaxed under the umbrella....

... although, I kinda doubt he drank... but still, I'd offer....

Sweating...

... spent the morning driving up Knoxville for a lightning raid on one of their liquor stores... did pretty good too... no casualties.. in and out in under five minutes.... the place hardly knew what hit it... my guerrilla-booze tactics are well honed....

... but it never fails though... buying a crate of firewater always leaves me tired and hungry.... that said, I guess it's time to treat myself with a fried Spam sandwich and a bowl of Chef Boyardee Beefaroni... mmm mmmmm... living high on the hog, people, it ain't for the faint of heart....

...besides, I need my strength built up for this afternoon's planned activities... loping dead limbs off of the dogwood trees on the backside of Hell's Half acre while the Missus swings languidly in her hammock...

Caps...

... you know, it really sucks when you do research, take the time to try out different models, and finally make a purchase... only to complete the setup perfectly under a lagging dogwood tree and find that you can't USE the damnable thing because it is hotter than the surface of the Sun outside...

.. bugger...

... it appears as if yet another evening of my life will pass without finding me swinging with a beer in a backyard hammock... and dammit, if anyone deserves to be chilling back in a hammock, it's me.... especially after my monumental achievements today...

.. in slightly more happy news, I saw this morning that AMC was airing "Cat On a Hot Tin Roof"... on Father's Day.... and that's just charming, no?... Tennessee Williams' great tale of an uncaring, overbearing Father and two sons... Brick and Goober... (you know, only a genius like Williams could get away with naming his characters Brick and Goober)... Brick was a torn alcoholic who only wanted Daddy's love... and Goober was a sanctimonious vulture who just wanted Daddy's money... but any way you look at it, it seems a highly strange choice for Father's Day viewing...

... I watched it anyway, of course... mainly because Liz Taylor rocked that little white dress she had on... and I just couldn't pass that up...

... anyway, as I was just reading about Tennessee's life on ye olde wikipedia a few minutes ago, I read the following line:

Tennessee Williams died at the age of 71 after he choked on a bottle cap

... man, what a way to go... a flamingly talented writer whisked off to eternity by a bottle cap.....

... most of the time, believe it or not, life is just fucking weird...

Watched....

... sometimes it is a violent place here, people... foreboding almost... even the birds tweet nervously with a certain knowledge of approaching doom... indeed, sometimes you can just feel it in the air...

... a few days ago, Acidman showed us all a photo of a palmetto bug he squished in his house...

... well, today I have been thinking about that bug... and the fact that it was alive and scurrying freely about his crackerbox..

... in one aspect, that palmetto bug had no idea (before it was ceremoniously smashed) how very, very lucky it was....

.. here?... I live in a true corner of the savage garden... everything is at risk.... and all who come here are lost at one point or another... it is dangerous... beautiful and enthralling, but deadly... each bush, insect, or critter is either hunting, hunted, or is generally unpleasant... and most forms of life in my back lawn end up being either feasts or devourers... plants and animals alike....

... case in point.. while relaxing on my deck earlier this evening, four different species of spider eyed me with their bulbous projections... sizing me up, undoubtedly.... and were I to be suddenly downsized to their world, I know I'd have been lunch.... but I even managed to capture two with the camera while I was being gazed upon.... check them out... first we have a mutant seven-legged green spider who spent his time leaping from the patio furniture to my knee and back... impressive, no?....

... and then we have a very inquisitive jumping spider.... looking a lot more butch that Mr. Green, for sure... just chilling on the iron patio table.. waiting for his next victim to wander by...

... but oh no, that's not all.... I snapped a real badass the other day while he was hunting on my deck... one that would definitely have bitten me if I'd pissed him off... a Six-spotted Green Tiger Beetle....

... pretty, yeah... and one hell of a killer...

... a fat, juicy palmetto bug wouldn't last too long around these parts....he'd be hemmed in at every angle by hungry beasts in two seconds flat.....

... I'm telling you guys, it's a tough life I've got.... this is a dangerous place... hell, a weaker man than I wouldn't even step foot outside...

June....

... times are hard around these parts, children... scant rains have left dry grass fearing the morning's sunrise.. beetles march across the arid landscape hopelessly... wasps buzz from desiccated branch to desiccated branch... parched toads hop and blink through crunching leaves... ants dismember the weaker varmints who have fallen to the drought... secreting their slaughterhoused remains deep into their underground homes..

... moisture-less...

... I really need to buy a sprinkler...

Request....

... hey Bob?.. please fix this shit... your server doesn't like me.. but she sure is polite about the whole thing.. "sorry it didn't work out"... awww.... Irene is a sweetheart....

Hi. This is the qmail-send program at irene.netpivotal.com. I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses. This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.

:
207.69.200.154 does not like recipient.
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From: "Eric"
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Subject: RE: [Straight White Guy] New Comment Posted to 'Swimming...'
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In-Reply-To:

... cheers, brother... and Semper Fi... you need to get your ass to the next blogmeet... I've tried tracking your phone number down, but you are one stealthy bastard...

Best,

Eric

... give me a holler some time, Bob....

Swimming...

... drinking coffee and watching the rain roll in, it suddenly hit me.... human beings are one voyeuristic bunch....no, really.... we're all addicted to peeping around corners, rubbernecking at traffic accidents, and gleaning that little bit of hidden meaning out of everything.. it is the only thing that explains the great love shown for Oprah, soap operas, Jerry Springer, and blogging....

... and hey, I've been around... but I imagine that we can all casually be lumped into two groups.... Voyeurs and Exhibitionists.... sure, I know those two words normally bear sexual significance... that fact isn't lost on me at all... but really, it is true... just think about the things that make us rubberneck the most?... sex, life, sex, death, sex, accidents, sex, cats, and sex....usually in that order...

... go ahead, scoff if you will..... but that doesn't make it less true.... you could almost say that by keeping a blog, well, you are giving a little exercise to your exhibitionist side.... letting it all hang out, so to speak... talking to the seething, unknown cyber-masses about bodily functions, mental masturbation, or just simply giving them a peek into your daily diary... and by reading blogs?... well, you all should be ashamed of yourself... you bunch of perverts...

.. but we just can't force ourselves to turn away.... it's as if we're completely submerged in the deepest type of reality-show... Big Brother, Survivor, and Days of our Lives all rolled into one.... it truly is disgusting..... but good God, I love blogging... so on that note (and in the Spirit of the Theme of this post) here is a totally unrelated photo of Yours Truly swimming in my Momma's pool yesterday!!...

... just check out that motivated leg-kick after completing a flawless flip-turn...

...freestyle, people... freestyle... don't you just love blogging?...

Shakespeare...

.... I had the television on in the background most of the day yesterday... not really paying it much attention, it was just noise... but as I headed into the hallway, a phrase caught my attention... it was Shakespeare... so I strolled back through and paid a little attention...

... it was one of the Star Trek movies... Kirk's ship was disabled or something... and there was a Klingon captain shooting at the Enterprise... and each time he'd volley a shot, out would come some random Shakespearian quote... I was mesmerized... I mean, since when do the Klingons go around memorizing Shakespeare?...

... then I remembered when that dude Khan quoted Herman Melville on his fiery deathbed in that other Star Trek movie....

... you know, the one where a mentally disturbed Kirk bellowed "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!"...

... Star Trek sure has some well-read bad guys.... It almost makes me want to dig into some Willie Shakespeare and bone-up....

.. I mean, if I were ever in a hairy situation, it'd be so much cooler to say something like... "if you cut me, do I not bleed?" just before pulling out my pistole and blasting someone to smithereens.. just screaming "Die, Motherfucker!" doesn't sound nearly as cool...

.. I think we all need to read more books... you know, just in case we're ever in one of those scenarios... besides, we'd all want our last words to be memorable...

West...

... via an afternoon's enjoyment of Fight Club... I just found some excellent Tom Waits.... I do so love it when I stumble upon new songs.....

.... and feel free to sing along... like always, it'll make it all better....the beat isn't his typical thump... but it is effective....

.... people, everyone should own at least one Tom Waits album... everyone... I highly recommend Small Change..

Goin' Out West

I'm goin' out west where the wind blows tall
Cause Tony Franciosa used to date my ma
They got some money out there, they're giving it away
I'm gonna do what I want and I'm gonna get paid
Do what I want and I'm gonna get paid

Goin' out west
Goin' out west
Goin' out west
Goin' out west
Goin' out west
Goin' out west
Goin' out west
Goin' out west

... quite a difference from his tune in Shrek II.... but still good stuff....

Elvis....

.... if you aren't reading Skippy, well... you're missing out....

I suppose that it isn't polite to laugh at someone for being drug-addled, impotent and given to watch extraordinarily young girls to wrestle one another in white cotton panties; but I resolved years ago that is acceptable to laugh with them.

... Elvis IS The King....

Snippets...

.... "Slow Down, Drink Some Coffee, and Don't Be Mean...Unless It's To A Liberal, Because They Probably Deserved It.." ....

.... JT's tagline kicks ass....

Bugs...

.. near the end of last summer, my Mother insisted that I take two giant ferns she'd hand-reared the previous season... and they were beauts... each of them about the size of a 55 gallon drum with a green, leafy, perm... she warned me as I stowed them for the winter in the garage... "make sure you spray them everyday when summer comes... the Japanese beatles beetles LOVE them... don't let'em get eaten up.." ...

.... well, boys and girls, she wasn't just whistlin' Dixie.. I made myself a turkey sandwich a few minutes ago and wandered out to the deck... and that fern was infested with wildly-humping pairs of Japanese beetles... there were probably 75-100 mating pairs that I could see... and I hate to imagine how many more pairs (that were less-enthusiastic about being sexual exhibitionists) were nooked away somewhere deep within the fern's curls...

.... Damnation... no wonder my poor widowed Momma wanted rid of those ferns... I'm going to be faced with this writhing mound of sexual depravity every day... all summer...

... be careful of people offering gifts, children... there is always a catch... always... and sometimes, well, even your Mother will pull a fast one on you...

Taste...

... you know, the personalization of an automobile is a time honored tradition... back when I was just a nipper and tooled around in my 51 Merc, I had me one of them black leather jackets like Elvis wore in his comeback concert tossed in the backseat as decoration...

.. but today?... all that is in my ride is a red plastic bracelet from the VFW.. dangling haphazardly from the rearview mirror... and on the lid of my trunk, a "Support the Troops" ribbon magnet.... but other than that, it's all fine lines and German engineering... unless you count the well-worn patch my ass has rubbed on the platinum leather seats as ˜personalization'...

... the Wife though, she's lost it... it all began strangely enough... but now it has spiraled down to such a level that it leaves passer-bys with jaws slack and eyes bulging...

... the day-glo Sponge Bob floor mats were bad enough.. but at least you could only see them once you were actually IN the car... this morning she has gone that teensy step too far... where she found it, I'll never know... and I shudder to think of the backroom novelty shops she scoured through in her dogged search... but her car now is "complete", I'm told..

... she now owns a ceramic "Hula Guy"... and his little ukulele-carrying ass is ensconced securely above the navigation system on her Cadillac...

... if I didn't know better, I'd think living in the South is corrupting her... I'm going to have to perform an intervention if this goes on much longer...

Sins...

.. for those unwashed heathen readers that I have, here is another of my purchases from yesterday.... not that I need it or anything... but it'll look nice sitting in the guest bathroom...

... a handy thing to have around the house just in case, you know....as I've said before, you just can't be too careful these days...

... AND it says it "reduces guilt by 98.9% or more!"... goodness... some products just sell themselves....

Poe...

... listen up, people... Market Square in Knoxville is home to a shop that has Edgar Allen Poe action figures... complete with a raven that perches on his shoulder.... Poe and a removable raven... well, I just couldn't resist...

.. I bought one...

.... and man, what a difference.. my life is so much more complete now than back when I was Poe-less... I honestly have no idea how I coped before...

.. I never would have believed it, but it truly is amazing how much eight five inches of plastic can change your life...

Scrums...

.... so the missus wakes up early today and wants to loaf around Knoxville.... brilliant idea... I drove her down Neyland Drive and showed her where the Vols play... we parked over at the Museum of Art and then hoofed it down onto Gay Street... and everything was going just dandy until she asked the bartender at the Downtown Grill where Market Square was.... he was helpful enough, sure... but then he mentioned that Market Square should be really interesting today... it seems that a "Gay Awareness" demonstration was taking place...

... well, boys and girls, we went... and I had a blast...

... I was even sprinkled with "fairy dust" by a fine gentleman on rollerblades... check him out, he was stylin'...

.... I leaned against a building and listened to a few of the speeches, and I think most of the speakers did a pretty good job... not that I really paid that much attention to the speakers though... see, there was a guy with a boombox playing some hip hop music and the women dancing kept distracting me.... sure, I know you guys don't come around here for your daily dose of political rally rundowns, but hey, give me a break... I spent the afternoon surrounded by hundreds of extremely happy gay, lesbian, transgendered, and bi-sexual people.. I'm drained....

... oh, and I saw two young women with the most kickass tee-shirts... I didn't take their photo though... I was a bit afraid that they would beat me up... neither of them could have been older than fifteen and they were both pretty slim, but their shirt kept me from getting too close.... emblazoned across the front?... "I know how to scrum"... those two girls are living life right, people...

... anyway, I'm off to sit on the deck and kick back.... I'm totally a victim of Kingston Pike traffic today and I needs me some liquids....

Hair...

...I was thinking this morning about the fine art of banter.... playing with dialogue... inflection.... casual conversation, jokes, and jibes... they really are an art form.... but you know, there are some things that are better left unsaid... even if they were tossed out jokingly.... and the following imaginary conversation came to mind....

Her while taking a shower: "hey!.. can't you see I'm shaving my legs in here?..."

Him while entering shower: "yep!... I won't get in the way.. I'm just doing my bit to conserve the Earth's water supply... there is a drought on in Sumatra, you know...... "

Her: "... you take up too much room in here!.. what IS this big, red, spotty thing in the shower with me?!.. "...

Him: .. "ha!... good one!... turn around, babe... I'll shave your back.. "..

.... of course, I have no experience in such matters... but I'd imagine it isn't a very safe thing to say to a woman with a razor in her hands...

... but it does beg the question... what would happen next?... would a playful counter-jibe be launched?... maybe a vicious attack with a straight razor would be next... then again, maybe she'd toss her man the razor and turn around for a good back-shave.... is there enough data in the snippet of conversation to cause you to lean towards one answer more than the other?....

... y'all think about that for a while... I'm off to Knoxville for a day of shopping for useless plastic objects...

Thought..

... I read a few blogs last night and then settled in to an evening of Discovery Channel entertainment... by way of Clive Anderson's original "Whose Line is it Anyway"... damn, I do so love that show... and I did laugh and laugh... I tell ya, that Colin Mockery is a riot... even if he is Canadian... no one can do dinosaur impressions like he can...

... but hey, that's not what I really wanted to talk about... did you know that Neanderthals were the archetypal cavemen?.... and they ruled the hominid world for about 120,000 years?... and more importantly, that they were devoid of flights of fancy?... yep, it's true according to the television... their little brains were completely incapable of abstract creative thought.... they focused only on the here and now and what is waiting around the next corner to either be eaten or try to kill them.... It must have been a helluva lot more fun to have been an artistic Cro-Magnon Man than a big, hairy, creativity-challenged Neanderthal....

... but the program said that they all died out though... and the last of them fell off the face of the Earth around 25,000 years ago... which, in the grand scheme of things, really isn't that long ago....

... anyway, I'd say that the whole damn thing is pretty highly debatable, them dying out and all... mainly because I could have sworn I saw one the other day ordering a Big Mac in front of me at the drive-thru.... or maybe I read their blog last night, I forget which....

... be that as it may, I did try to hark back to my caveman roots today and sear some pork... did a pretty good job too... ribs and a cold beer does a body good....

... after lunch I drove into town to visit with my cousin for a bit and deliver the souvenirs I'd bought him in Scotland last month... he was in fine form and told me of the recent construction of an outhouse in his back yard... he sure sounded proud of it... hell, I can't wait to see it myself... he now holds pride-of-place as my only current relative who owns a real-life, hole-in-the-ground outhouse... and I'm as proud as a peach... almost as proud as he is...

... as I started to leave, he asked if I would do him a favor (since it was such a beautiful day and he felt I needed a fieldtrip)... so, of course I said yes...it turned out that he wanted me to drive up to a cemetery in Philadelphia... he had placed flags on two of my ancestor's graves for Memorial Day and wanted me to remove them before they became tattered... and I was happy to comply....

... but now, here I am... back and ready for dinner.... and I'm not 100% sure, but I am fairly certain that left-over ribs are on the menu... I guess being "focused only on the here and now" like a Neanderthal isn't all that bad after all ... creativity and abstract thought are over-rated anyway...

Lunch...

... I'm off to the garage to grill something... I may be away some time...

... damn, I'm glad it is summertime...

Dust...

... yesterday while getting dressed, I noticed a moth in the walk-in closet... he launched himself off of the Wife's silk sari and headed straight for the light when I flicked the switch... I batted him to oblivion with my fatigue pants before putting them on... but that got me to wondering.. where you see one, there must be others, hundreds perhaps, that are unseen.. quietly munching on the exotic threads in my closet... and the thought of that just wasn't acceptable...

...so this morning I decided it was time to take action... and buoyed by the news of Zarqawi being blown to smithereens, I waded into the closet with a cup of coffee... and a mess met my eyes... suits that have hung on hangers unattended for ages now have a fine layer of dust on the shoulders... my tuxedo - which hasn't seen the light of day since I donned it to sip martinis during an evening with Pussy Galore - was dusty too... even my Punjabi was looking a bit ruffled... my dress shirts hung proudly starched, but were also showing signs of being ignored for far too long...

... the result?... today I am off on a fieldtrip to the dry cleaners... I'll let the kind people behind the friendly counter breathe a little life into my old gladrags... and when I pick them up in a few days, they'll be sealed up in handy-dandy moth-proof plastic...

... besides, it'll be good to have the tux ready for action again... you just never know when a James Bond movie marathon will tug at you to dress for the occasion...

Irn-Bru...

... you know, I just love getting fan-mail... and I like it even more when I get something that just makes me get all misty... like today, for instance... fresh from the SWG mailbag, I found the following missive from an old Jarhead buddy of mine...

Good afternoon sunshine,

I see you're back from the highlands of the UK and yet I haven't heard a word from you. I was so looking forward to some pictures of our old stomping grounds not to mention the unique flavor of my favorite UK beverage, IRN BRU. I can only assume you have decided to ignore me and forget our last communications. I did receive a phone call at my house with a caller ID of TN, but there was no name. I was thinking it was you as you are the ONLY person I know in that state, but alas, there was no message left at my humble abode. Once again, this leaves me to believe you don't consider me worthy of your time. If this is the case, may all of your guns rust, your alcohol turn to sugar water, and your seemingly endless supply of cancer sticks dry up. If this is not the case, please forgive my ramblings and drop me a line at your earliest convenience.

XOXOXOXOXO

Dustin C. Holland
Postal Inspector

... I'm telling you, nothing charms me out of my little white cotton socks like an email ending in XOXOXOXO... seriously.. .

... anyhoo, while I do love getting mail from my old buddy, I just wanted to take this opportunity to point out the insidious evil of the drink Mr. Holland mentioned.. namely, Irn-Bru... (pronounced "Iron Brew".. and made in Scotland from girders, evidently...)...

.... see, once upon a time, my friend Dustin used to be a fine, upstanding individual... a veritable pillar of the community... went to church regularly, paid his taxes on time, helped little old ladies cross the street, etc... but after years of swilling Scotland's Finest Soft Drink, he is reduced to calling me Sunshine, blowing me kisses via email, and wishing my guns would all rust... where will the madness end?!?... but that is the power that this drink has on people.. it'll bend the straight and tarnish the golden.. and the weak-willed and wayward are drawn unswervingly into its mighty clutches... yes, yes, it's just that bad....

... luckily for me, I did manage to smuggle a bottle back across the border for Dustin.. so the threats against my firearms, booze, and cigarettes will largely be brushed off... but honestly, people... politicians rail on and on about the evils of hard liquor, sniffing gasoline, and free-basing diesel fuel... and what they REALLY need to be worrying about is a bright orange cola that tastes like liquid bazooka Joe bubblegum.... because, you know, if that stuff could corrupt Dustin, then no one is safe... no one...

Stingers...

... the myriad of insects inhabiting my little patch of Tennessee never ceases to amaze me.. take this little fella, for instance... I have absolutely no idea what it is, but it performed some incredible fly-bys around my noggin yesterday afternoon whist I sipped my tea...

... oh yeah, curiosities abound around here, people... other than his obvious affiliation with the Imperial Japanese, he offered little data on his backyard function... he does kinda remind me of a souped-up mosquito that has had his ride pimped though... but does anyone have any idea what it is?... I have none... and he buzzed away before I got a chance to smash him, so he is still happily roaming somewhere in the woods...

.. if I see him again, I'll attempt to see if that pointy thing on his rear end is a stinger or not... I'm sure y'all are riveted, so I'll be sure to keep you informed...

Frogs...

... I spent most of yesterday evening tending to three pounds of ribs and a pot full of baked beans... and the results were fantastic... there was much rejoicing when the meal was served.... after dinner, the Wife channel surfed onto Shrek II and settled in for the night.. that movie is quickly becoming a favorite around the SWG compound... and personally, I find the story pretty endearing too....

.. but you know, the more I watch Shrek II, the more empathetic I become towards the King of Far Far Away.... and not just at the end either when he gets all sentimental and does the right thing... but right at the beginning of the movie... even where he and Shrek are giving each other the Evil Eye over the roasted suckling pig and casting insults at each other....

... sure, it is easier to get all warm and fuzzy over Shrek, The Princess, or Donkey... after all, they are the central characters... but me, I just feel an affinity towards the inner glow of the King... there's just something about those shifty, beady eyes and John Cleese's voice.... besides, it's always cheering to know that the Frog/Princess story is true..

... and when you think about it, it is always more fun love a character who has a slightly evil side....

Family...

... good morning, rubberneckers... today's quote of the day is a real keeper... especially since today is 6/6/06... so here's the heartwarming article... and here's the quote...

"Tiffany nods. He used to get lap dances from Peggy. Now he gets them from her daughter instead."

... goodness.. how absolutely marvelous... isn't it nice to see families living and working together in these trying times we endure?... you know, it is articles exactly like this that cheer my tiny black heart and renew my faith in humanity... they really do...

Funerals....

... after dinner last night, the subject of funeral arrangements came up.... what a strange way to end an evening... my Mother insisted on going over her simple plans again.... what exactly we were to do once she checked out; everything was pre-planned in her mind... the type of flowers... the type of casket.... all elements completed and performed as cheaply as possible.... even down to her wishes not to be buried with any of her jewelry on..

... the Wife piped in after a pause and made her wishes known.... Cremation.... cremation, with her ashes taken back to her native land... and then scattered along a small stretch of Montrose beach... a place where she was always content and at peace....

... the mood was quite somber and mellow... deep thoughts had obviously been painstakingly expressed....

.. but once those two were finished, they both looked at me.... as if it were my turn or something.... so I pondered for a bit and sipped my Scotch... and then, I spoke...

... "well, whatever happens, there won't be much left to bury.. I'm sure that the donor surgeons will have picked my carcass nearly clean trying to harvest all of my wonderful organs... so I guess I should just be cremated too... maybe you guys should just have a big bonfire and send me out ala' Funeral Pyre... roast marshmallows or weenies or something and have a party.. I don't want anyone crying when I die.. "

.. taking in a draught of my Talisker, I watched the ladies for a reaction... and after a few seconds of waiting, it came.... "well, dear... that sounds fine.... but Honey, I'm not sure it would work out all that well... I mean, just imagine... the line of people who'd be waiting to toss a celebratory urination on your corpse would be immense... they'd end up putting out the bonfire.. "...

... and as I sat there slack-jawed at the sheer audacity, the two of them giggled like schoolgirls...

.. goodness, people... see what I have to deal with after cooking two women a fine dinner?.. a long line, indeed.... a very, very long line.... but what a visual... I did laugh and laugh.... Damn, I think I should invite my Momma over for dinner more often....

Sunday...

... this morning was relaxed and comfortable... just as a Sunday should be.... around noon, I drove into town and picked up a Big Mac before hitting Mecca Pike... the drive is a good one... a favorite of motorcyclists... Hell, people haul their bikes in from thousands of miles away just to wind them out on the backroads near the National Forest... Mecca Pike winds around the foot of Starr's Mountain in a series of tight hairpin turns... many times with Conasauga Creek bordering one side and the steep rise of the ridge on the other.... so the bikers visit in droves and can't get enough of it... and that is what I wheeled today with the sunroof open and Zevon cranking...

... arrived slightly later than I had expected, but found the gunsmith relaxing on his deck with his wolfdog at his feet... his deck is incredible... shaded by huge Oaks and Walnut trees... so there was where I supped my Big Mac... properly shaded and in good company...

... here's the wolfdog, by the way... Blake, you paying attention?....

... all in all, not a bad day... my pocket knife is freshly sharpened and serviced... the gunsmith and wife are in fine form... and I enjoyed a great drive both too and from....

... and now the ham is baking in the oven... the steamed potatoes are awaiting mashing... and corn on the cob is preparing for a visit to the steamer.... Mother is coming over for dinner and it'll make a proper end to a pleasant day...

... and God, it's good to have my knife back....

Safe...

.... you people amaze me... I mean that... I never would have imagined that so many people would step up to bat for a deformed Dogwood tree.... I guess I underestimated your caring and gentle sides... so rest easy... Mr. Dogwood's willie is safe for the time being....

... I'm off to the mountains to visit my gunsmith and grab some lunch and try out my new camera... it should be exciting...

Wood...

.... there are some things that you encounter in life that you just can't make up.... and one fine example just happens to be in my front yard...

... see, last summer the guys who maintain my lawn decided to cut back an overgrown bush that was located between three trees.... a fine Poplar, a slowly fading away Sweet Gum, and a half-grown Dogwood... the idea being that if the bush was trimmed, then the trees would stand out more... ok, fine... I let them get to their task...

... but what they found when they finished was astonishing.... while two of the trees were perfectly normal, the Dogwood, well, had wood.... and it was a sight to see... behold, gentle readers... my very happy tree....

... I know, I know... I have never mentioned this on the blog before... and it is a sensitive subject with the neighborhood committee, trust me.... but what would you guys do?... would you snip it off?... would you build a flowerbed of petunias around the trunk to accentuate it?... as for me, I just don't know... I'm completely torn...

... I mean, surely if God created that tree with his almighty powers, then it is good... right?... and who am I to find one of God's Creations perverse?... hell, I don't really find it perverse at all... I find it kinda awe inspiring.... and back in October, I pointed out Mr. Dogwood's daunting package to Redneck and Harvey and they were suitably impressed too.... so why should my neighbors be offended?.... (oh, and by the way, I dared not point it out to any of the womenfolk back in October lest they swoon.. I already had one guy laying out back puddling blood on my deck...)... but like I said, I'm swiftly approaching either a point of action or a decision to desist... but I'm torn... and deep down, part of me really enjoys having an extremely well-hung tree standing proudly out in plain view of my neighbors....

... sooooo... I plan to let you rubberneckers be my guide... my Magic Eight-ball of sorts... I'll let you ladies and gentlemen wield the Mighty Power of Judgment.... and use that power to pick the fate of the Dogwood's prick....

.... the question at hand?..... what should happen to Mr. Dogwood's massive erection?... should he be left to live his leafy life in happiness?.... should the offending appendage be whacked off unceremoniously with an axe (... no pun intended on the whacking-off part, people...)... or should a privacy fence of some sort be built around him to protect his manly bits from prying eyes... some kind of hedge, perhaps.....

... anyway, with all of this I throw myself - and the future of my lawn plants - upon your tender mercies..... and I await your guidance and sound wisdom... I have every faith in you guys... I really do....

Sprouts....

.... for those of you who have been wishing me ill will, your prayers have been answered....

... I have poison ivy growing in my guttering....

... I hope you people are happy now...

Wiggling....

.... a ferocious rain hit a few hours ago... the Wife and I had just gotten back from having lunch at the Fox and Hound in Chattanooga, and the weather had been beautiful.... but this storm, well, I'm just glad I wasn't driving when it started... standing in the living room, I tried to take some photos of it... at times, the mist created by the fat raindrops hitting the driveway was caught in a gust of wind... creating little sideways walls of water that were pushed across the lawn... flying horizontally and then upwards before smashing into the stand of trees to the right of the house... it was pretty impressive to watch...

... but now the Sun is back out.. everything is still slick with rain, and the leaves are still dripping... the sky is bright and you can taste the humidity in the air... you can smell the dampness in the grass and gravel... it's strange to see the world this wet with the Sun beaming so...

... one thing was noted, though.... tomorrow I'll be cleaning my gutters.... after two minutes of violent rain, they were overflowing... but damn, I hate cleaning gutters.... maybe I can find some way to wriggle out of it... or wiggle even.... wiggle or wriggle... wait... which one is the real word?... I'm so confused..... but y'all get my point... I'll try to wriggle/wiggle... wiggle, wiggling.... wriggle, wriggling... wow...

.. in other news, I finally bought a replacement camera for the one that went MIA at the Wreckyll in Jekyll... and boy howdy, it's a sweetie... there will be no losing this puppy... trust me, it's about the size of my fist... the other one wasn't much bigger than a credit card.... it really was a tragedy that I lost it though... there were some serious blackmail photos in it... I could have made a bloody fortune if I hadn't misplaced it...

... probably serves me right, really... losing it was probably pre-ordained by some cosmic force.... after all, blogmeets and cameras just aren't meant to go together.... anyway, I'm off to get to the bottom of this wiggle/wriggle thing... you guys have a good day...

Lamb..

.... alright... as promised to Marcus - and because he is a nagging little perv - here is a photo of a freshly spray-painted Scottish lamb.... his little brother and Momma are visible in the giganto version.... Jesus, the lengths I go to fill some people's fetishes...

... good God, this blog is circling the drain.... oh, and I have no idea what the importance of the number "8" is.... I suspect that newborn sheep are forced to perform in some kind of race or something....

Sauce...

... well, last night rocked... in between peals of primeval thunder, my pool skills knew no match... my break-shots - often illuminated brightly by God's Own Lightning - were things to make men cower in abject submission... quivering and whimpering at the sheer amazingness of my heavenly cuemanship... that's right, people.. the planets aligned, the heavens boomed, and I found my groove...

... it was a beautiful thing to see... y'all really missed a good time..... and a total fluke... next time, I'll get my butt whipped....

... anyway, enough of all that... I am cooking spaghetti today and I have to start my sauce...