Irn-Bru...

... you know, I just love getting fan-mail... and I like it even more when I get something that just makes me get all misty... like today, for instance... fresh from the SWG mailbag, I found the following missive from an old Jarhead buddy of mine...

Good afternoon sunshine,

I see you're back from the highlands of the UK and yet I haven't heard a word from you. I was so looking forward to some pictures of our old stomping grounds not to mention the unique flavor of my favorite UK beverage, IRN BRU. I can only assume you have decided to ignore me and forget our last communications. I did receive a phone call at my house with a caller ID of TN, but there was no name. I was thinking it was you as you are the ONLY person I know in that state, but alas, there was no message left at my humble abode. Once again, this leaves me to believe you don't consider me worthy of your time. If this is the case, may all of your guns rust, your alcohol turn to sugar water, and your seemingly endless supply of cancer sticks dry up. If this is not the case, please forgive my ramblings and drop me a line at your earliest convenience.

XOXOXOXOXO

Dustin C. Holland
Postal Inspector

... I'm telling you, nothing charms me out of my little white cotton socks like an email ending in XOXOXOXO... seriously.. .

... anyhoo, while I do love getting mail from my old buddy, I just wanted to take this opportunity to point out the insidious evil of the drink Mr. Holland mentioned.. namely, Irn-Bru... (pronounced "Iron Brew".. and made in Scotland from girders, evidently...)...

.... see, once upon a time, my friend Dustin used to be a fine, upstanding individual... a veritable pillar of the community... went to church regularly, paid his taxes on time, helped little old ladies cross the street, etc... but after years of swilling Scotland's Finest Soft Drink, he is reduced to calling me Sunshine, blowing me kisses via email, and wishing my guns would all rust... where will the madness end?!?... but that is the power that this drink has on people.. it'll bend the straight and tarnish the golden.. and the weak-willed and wayward are drawn unswervingly into its mighty clutches... yes, yes, it's just that bad....

... luckily for me, I did manage to smuggle a bottle back across the border for Dustin.. so the threats against my firearms, booze, and cigarettes will largely be brushed off... but honestly, people... politicians rail on and on about the evils of hard liquor, sniffing gasoline, and free-basing diesel fuel... and what they REALLY need to be worrying about is a bright orange cola that tastes like liquid bazooka Joe bubblegum.... because, you know, if that stuff could corrupt Dustin, then no one is safe... no one...

by Eric on June 07, 2006 | Bullshit (6) | TrackBack (0) | Drinking
Bullshit So Far

Really? It tastes like bazooka? ::shudder:: Sounds awful...

Bullshitted by Richmond on June 7, 2006 04:16 PM

.. my thoughts exactly...

Bullshitted by Eric on June 7, 2006 04:18 PM

Probably just needs bit of vodka.

Bullshitted by Jim - PRS on June 7, 2006 08:17 PM

I once worked with a Scottish fellow who extolled the wonders of Irn Bru...never tasted it myself, though.

Bullshitted by Lisa W. on June 7, 2006 08:41 PM

... it is like Crack, Lisa... once you try it, the demonic angels will swoop up from Hell and bind you forever to the chest of a heaving Irn-Bru Demon.... it is much to dangerous to experiment with...

Bullshitted by Eric on June 7, 2006 09:13 PM

.. and Jimbo, even vodka does not help...... trust me.... woe betide the Irn-Bru addict....

Bullshitted by Eric on June 7, 2006 09:14 PM