.... the bears around these parts are getting uppity evidently....

... while filling my glass with iced tea yesterday, my Uncle pointed to the cooler he had brought... "see all those teeth marks, Eric?... a bear did that...I was camping up at Santeelee last week and while I was out fishing, a big sow-bear came in and tore up camp... she finally chewed the cooler open and ate two dozen eggs, three pounds of bacon, two venison tenderloins, two pounds of sausage, and all of my pickled okra.. "

... "damn," says I sipping my tea and wiping the sweat from my brow... "what did you do, Uncle Mick?"...

... "well, I came back just as she was finishing up and I ran her off... the next night I put all the food in the back of a van and it was alright... but the bears sure are getting uppity these days.. "

... mercy... uppity bears, indeed...

... a few minutes later, I listened as my Cousin's wife told of sitting in traffic at a roadblock near downtown Madisonville... a few weeks ago, she watched on as the county police tried to capture a big bear that was running up and down highway...

... oh, and don't forget that we had a mauling-death last month about ten miles from my house...

... perhaps I need to rethink which firearm I keep in my car... and maybe switch out the Beretta .380 for the S&W .357...

... see?... like I keep telling you people, it's a jungle out there.. and you guys wonder why I carry a .45 everywhere I go.... around here, it's not just bad people you have to worry about.... there is plenty of wildlife that'll mess you up too...

by Eric on May 30, 2006 | Bullshit (14) | TrackBack (0) | Psycho Rants
Bullshit So Far

I saw a red squirrel once, and it had somebody's nut.. I ran!!

Bullshitted by James on May 30, 2006 09:35 AM

Lions and tigers and bears...oh, shit.

Bullshitted by Elisson on May 30, 2006 11:30 AM


Bullshitted by oddybobo on May 30, 2006 12:03 PM

Wow. A bear that has a thing for pickled okra. Whodathunkit?

Bullshitted by Bou on May 30, 2006 12:54 PM

And I thought bears only went after picnic baskets. Maybe I need to watch more Animal Planet and less Cartoon Network.

Bullshitted by Jerry on May 30, 2006 01:31 PM

...maybe people need to stop building in areas where bears live???? Never mind, that was too simple a solution.

Bullshitted by vicki on May 30, 2006 02:36 PM

Eric --

Bears, eh? Well, I live in Florida and... I once saw a ten foot gator surge up to the deck level of a neighboring boat and snatch a cat from this life to the next. Bring me another beer honey.


Bullshitted by Bob Baird on May 30, 2006 03:42 PM

Just carry which ever one of those hand guns that you think would put YOU out of your misery the fastest if you manage to hold onto it when the bear starts to maul you. Because ain't neather one of them going to stop a big charging black bear sow and mostly you will just piss her off. A 3" magnum 12 gauge load with tripple ought buck is about the best unless you can find a 10 gauge.

Bullshitted by GUYK on May 30, 2006 05:05 PM

... actually, GuyK, my Uncle hunts and harvests black bears with a 44mag and has for years....

Bullshitted by Eric on May 30, 2006 06:21 PM

We have bears in the Garden State, but, so far, none of them have been very uppity.

We do have more than our fair share of uppity assholes, though -- many of whom need shootin'.

Bullshitted by Jim - PRS on May 30, 2006 09:51 PM

Our uppity bears around these parts petitioned the county for a rezoning of their National Wildlife property to allow them to put up a souvenier/nick-nak shop selling ursine paraphernalia and honey smoothies...

at least they claim the yellow stuff is honey...

Bullshitted by rsm on May 31, 2006 07:04 AM

Whoa! Talk bout your zeitgeist. Here in Bavaria there's a bear that just wandered in over the Austrian border. You'd think it was a full-scale bear insurgency to read the news reports.

Bullshitted by Rube on May 31, 2006 11:06 AM

Go to and read about our most recent grizzly mauling. Even the guy's dogs didn't stick around and watch! Ouch!

Bullshitted by Alaska Kim on May 31, 2006 04:01 PM

Yeah, there were some indians in Alaska who hunted them with 30-30 carbines. But there is a difference in shooting a bear who doesn't know he is fixin' to get shot and one that is full of adrenalin and charging you. I was involved in a hunt of a wounded griz that a nut had shot in the chest with a .338 Winchester Mag when the bear charged him. He got a way but so did the Griz. A couple of weeks later the griz was finally brought in with the slug imbedded in the muscle of it chest..never penetrated into the chest cavity. I suspect a black bear wouldn't have that kind of muscle but even so if the adrenalin was pumping I wouldn't want to try to bring it down with a hand gun.

Bullshitted by GUYK on May 31, 2006 07:36 PM