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... Scotland is a wily and mysterious land... full of surprise and enigma... like a few days ago when I happened to spy a new menu item at the local chippie...

... right there on the board, snugly tucked between deep-fried haggis and macaroni pies, lay a tempting curiosity... a chilli-cheese hotdog...

.. well, I could not resist...

... but looking back, I probably should have...

... it arrived looking harmless enough... eight inches of non-descript wiener.. chilli beans and ground beef.. shredded cheddar.... it actually looked like a real hotdog...

... but upon tasting it, my buds sparked a mini-rebellion.. quelling them with lashings of cider, I forced them onwards towards the next bite... and the next.. and the next... until finally my Scottish hotdog odyssey was complete...

... I always find it amazing how something can look normal and yet be totally whacked once tasted... it is the ultimate switch and bait routine, and it leaves your tongue in a lurch... like that green ketchup that Burger King tried a while back...

.... anyway, I have spent considerable time mulling over the specifics of texture, taste, and temperature.... and most recently - the after effects - and I am at a total loss for words....

... and try as I might, I can't do the chippie's hotdog justice... it wasn't bad, per se... it was just unlike any other hotdog ever conceived..

.... but it has made me realize one thing... while chilli seems like a simple thing, never underestimate the millions of ways it can be screwed up... it's not just beans, tomato, beef, and chilli powder... no, no... it is much more than that... and the Scots just can't hang....

... see, the Scots are an incredible bunch... resilient, strong, and cunning... inventive, persistent, and adventurous.. and they have had a hand in creating everything from tarmac to radar.... but take it from me, as your humble host, they can't cook chilli for shit...

... in other news, my pasty face is sunburned to a crisp.... sitting in the garden sipping wine does not suit me at all.... I am a deck guy... shade trees, humidity, and gin... that's my bag... hanging in a windswept patch of grass that is protected from the chilly wind by a tall stone wall....well, it provides one an incorrect sense of being protected.... and getting fried by the Sun while wearing a sweater is just plain wrong....

... anyway, I'm off to listen to some folk music.... y'all have a good night....

by Eric on May 09, 2006 | Bullshit (10) | TrackBack (0) | Scotland 2006
Bullshit So Far

You might have been safer ordering haggis. At least then you would have known to expect something utterly unlike anything else.

Bullshitted by McGehee on May 9, 2006 11:59 AM

Face it: it may look like a hot dog, but if it contains (a) sheep innards, and/or (b) oatmeal, it is a hot dog in name only.

I would no sooner try to eat a chili-cheese dog in Scotland than I would eat Mexican food in Belgium. (Actually, I have done exactly that. Trust me - it ain't pretty.)

Bullshitted by Elisson on May 9, 2006 01:31 PM

Sounds like you should have used the umbrella, Bro.

Bullshitted by Jim - PRS on May 9, 2006 02:03 PM

Jimbo- Or Leslie needed to be by his side with sunscreen... he needed to do that Mime routine he does so well. ;-)

Scottish chili. I'd never have thought to try it.

Bullshitted by Bou on May 9, 2006 02:41 PM

Sunscreen is the answer, Eric. It even comes in manly forms. ;) Scottish chili, though? You are even more brave than I thought!

Bullshitted by Richmond on May 9, 2006 02:45 PM

Knows what ya mean, bro! When we were in Scotland a couple of years ago, I had something that was called 'pudding' but TRUST me, it weren't no puddin'!! Gawd, I still can taste that crap,,,ugh!

Bullshitted by Michele on May 9, 2006 06:07 PM

I knew I shoulda sent that damned umbrella with you!!!!

Bullshitted by Tammi on May 9, 2006 06:12 PM

Enjoy the tunes...

Bullshitted by Lisa W. on May 9, 2006 09:28 PM

Why the hell do you think it's called 'mystery meat"?

Bullshitted by marcus on May 9, 2006 10:00 PM

"they have had a hand in creating everything from tarmac to radar…. but take it from me, as your humble host, they can’t cook chilli for shit…"

Note to self - don't try anything in Scotland that doesn't contain the letter "a"...

I'm guessing what they made for you was actually "challa" :-)

Bullshitted by Harvey on May 12, 2006 10:18 AM