Penetration....

... well, that was fun.. a night spent being spied upon via infra-red camera... aided by 28 sensors that were taped, glued, and spackled to my frail frame... a microphone taped to my neck... and another one dangling over the bed.. and of course, a three pronged thingamabob that was magically secured just between my nose and upper lip.. it was the worst... as two of the appendages twisted their way up into each nostril... and the other coiled outwards - bending slightly - and then coming to a stop just beyond the reach of my extended tongue... "air-flow censors", I was told...

... ever try to sleep with two thin wires caressing the delicate hairs that lie inside your nostrils?... it's damned difficult, I tell you... those puppies do nothing but continually harass your sneeze reflex... almost to the point of madness...

... of course, I did take the time to examine last night for blog-worthy material... and I did come up with something totally unexpected... see, of all the various orifices that I own, I never EVER would have thought that my nostrils would be the most arguable when it comes to penetration by a foreign object...

.. hey, you live and learn every day.... self-exploration, people.. it's an amazing thing...

... anyway, no CPAP for me... maybe next time... and I'm actually looking forward to the next visit... after dealing with the Spindly Nostril Ticklers all night, that Darth Vader mask will be a piece of cake...

by Eric on March 24, 2006 | Bullshit (8) | TrackBack (0) | Psycho Rants
Bullshit So Far

duz that mean ye dont have that sleep apnea stuff? or wuz they jes takin thar baseline readins? they made me sleep fer em twice n threaten to doot agin if necessary. i gut that cpap thang n it wurks purty good ceptn tiz easy to fill up yer belly with air, witch mos of it dont cum out as a burp ... it makes it out tuther end!

Bullshitted by buddy don on March 24, 2006 09:28 AM

.. heh heh... like I need another reason to break wind...

.. anyway, yeah.. I got it.. but not too bad... so next week we'll see what the Dr. says...

Bullshitted by Eric on March 24, 2006 10:08 AM

It sounds awful! I do so hope that something good comes of it all. Good grief!

And won't the Darth Vader mask clash a bit with Sponge Bob jammie pants? Will that make the "look" more Sponge Vader? Or Darth Bob?

Bullshitted by Richmond on March 24, 2006 02:02 PM

Bring it to Austin! I'll show you mine if you show me yours...

Bullshitted by Omnibus Driver on March 24, 2006 05:03 PM

If you bring that shit to Austin, I suggest you bring your Dr. Denton's too. I think I'd rather suffocate in my sleep than have a bunch of bloggers see me with my Darth Vader Sleepy-Time Mask.

Bullshitted by Jim - PRS on March 24, 2006 08:41 PM

.. damn, Jim... I was half-imagining me walking around the hotel with my Sponge Bobs on... hey, you WERE at Helen in 2004....

Bullshitted by Eric on March 24, 2006 08:43 PM

Yeah, I was, but I can't remember shit.

Bullshitted by Jim - PRS on March 25, 2006 01:13 AM

... that's ok... I have photos....

Bullshitted by Eric on March 25, 2006 06:12 AM