Dead Gentlemen...

... working my way through traffic up to Knoxville today my Mother chatted continuously.... and at first, it was all about how she felt... where she hurt... how the tape itched... how her meds made her feel... how she was nervous about having her stitches taken out...

... I just let it slide... hey, it's all cool..... she is worried about herself.... been there and done that myself, actually... but I said nothing... just letting her talk as I drove.. quietly listening to my Johnny Cash CD and letting her words imprint me with only a nod and a distracted "uh huh"....

... but then she said something which drew my attention away from Cash's version of "Big River" that I was securely entrenched in... she paused for a moment in her complaining... and simply said, "You know, my Dad has been dead for 19 years now.. I really miss him.. not so much my Mother... but him..."... I was gob-smacked.... it was new ground to be sure..... hell, I talk about Grandpa twice as much as she does.....

... and it is true, what she said.... Grandpa died back about 1986... and it seems strange to type that... damn, almost twenty years... and she is still pining for him.... I suppose I shouldn't really be surprised... he was a cad after all, but a very lovable cad....

...anyway, I kept on driving and pulled into a Macdonald's for breakfast a few minutes later... we went through the drive-thru... and goodness... life is so simple when you boil it all down to the basics.... fast food and CDs in the car stereo and drowning out the thoughts of your Mother..... how easily we have learned to escape....

... she ate her sandwich and I drank my coffee for nearly half an hour in total silence as I dodged traffic.... it was almost as if she felt she had crossed some unwritten line.... exposing herself more than she was comfortable with... I just drove and drank my coffee...

... but when she did speak, she started it with a laugh..... it was odd.. she began quietly as I sipped my coffee at the red-light in Maryville.... "I dreamed that the phone was ringing last night and it was your Dad... I said ˜Hello, hon! I was waiting to hear how your day went!'... and then the receiver went dead and he was gone."...

.. Great Holy Jesus... what do you say to that?...

... so, I bucked up.. I could feel that I was being chided into action... first Grandpa and now Dad?.... it was all too much...

... so I placed my coffee back into the holder as the light changed. looked over at her and gave her a wink... "it's alright, Mom.. he was just going to talk about welding... it would have been a welding story, sweetheart.... nothing too exciting... ".... she laughed and smacked me in the back of my head as I eyed the traffic in the rearview mirror....

.... but I think she'd have liked to have heard it.. even if it was just a welding story....

... hey, guys.... after today, well, there is nothing like being removed from the one that you love forever... finally... and completely.... and just let me tell you this..... in all honesty, dealing with sick women is going to be the end of me... it really, really is... they just don't see my sense of humor... and I certainly see their pain..

by Eric on March 01, 2006 | Bullshit (5) | TrackBack (1) | SWG Stories
» ArmyWifeToddlerMom links with: Winter's end
Bullshit So Far

OK. This post made me cry...

Bullshitted by Bou on March 1, 2006 11:31 PM

Hoo boy. I'm with Bou...

"they just don’t see my sense of humor… and I certainly see their pain.."

But you do try to ease their pain, and therein lies the difference...

Bullshitted by Richmond on March 2, 2006 05:36 AM

Eric, you are the man...what a post. Hits me right where I live, so to speak...at least, this week.

Bullshitted by Elisson on March 2, 2006 06:47 AM

wnderful post this morning Eric. I am sure they see your pain too.

Bullshitted by armywifetoddlermom on March 2, 2006 08:34 AM

I'm with Bou, I'm all weepy.

Bullshitted by Oddybobo on March 2, 2006 10:39 AM