Decrepit....

... lo!.. how the mighty have fallen... I'm here to tell you people, age certainly sucks the juice right out of you.. Hell, I'm only 33, for crying out loud... sifting through the boxes in the spare bedroom this afternoon, I came across some great photos... me and my date at the senior prom... me at six years of age chopping up a tonka truck with my Christmas axe... me standing in uniform so my Momma could take a photo of me in the living room... where has the time gone?.. and who was that guy looking back at me?..

... I actually got up and went to the mirror and looked... and damn, I didn't see the guy anywhere... sure, the freckle patterns are the same.. same thin, bird-lips... the eyes are the same... they just have bags under them now... but everything else is gone... my cheeks, chin, and nose are totally different... my heyday is finished, people... I peaked somewhere way back in the mists of time and didn't even notice it... and I'm now steadily sliding downhill towards the grave...

.. it was incredible to imagine it, really... how different I am now at 33... check out this photo of me when I was 20...

summer_1992_small.jpg

... see what I mean?.. damn, I am depressed

.. sitting in the floor thumbing through the photographs, I would occasionally lay one aside.. perhaps to scan for later... and as the pile grew higher, Helga the Nordic Trak giggled... I swear she did... after all, there was no one else in the room... no one else in the whole house... I shot her a mean look, but there was no response...

... and just now - as I was typing this up - in a clear, strong, and deeply accented voice, she spoke again... "You're kidding yourself, Eric. I can't give you that back."

... I didn't answer her, of course... because, well, she's right.. she can't give that back to me... and besides, it would have been a little nutty to have a conversation with a Nordic Track... and hey, I don't really want to be twenty again anyway... she misunderstands my intentions completely... "the older the violin, the sweeter the music", I guess.. and I just need a bit of re-stringing..... and she CAN do that for me....

by Eric on February 15, 2006 | Bullshit (18) | TrackBack (0) | SWG Stories
Bullshit So Far

For a moment there, this post was threatening to be a leetle bit...whiney.

Waaaah, waaaah, waaaah. I'm Eric, and I'm gettin' old.

Well, lemme tell ya, buddy-boy, I was old enough to drink when you were born, and you ain't seen nothin' yet. Baggy eyes? Saggy flesh? Ahhh, just you wait.

But you hit the right note there at the end.

I don't care to be twenty again. When I dream that I'm young again, it's always a nightmare. Scary.

Because if you live your life right, you'll age like fine wine, and not like cheese. The sweeter the music, indeed. And you know I know what I'm talking about, podnuh.

Bullshitted by Elisson on February 15, 2006 07:43 PM

.. I am a lot of bad things, bro... but I don't whine... we just gotta roll with the punches...

Bullshitted by Eric on February 15, 2006 07:48 PM

Sweeter the music, my Cracker ass. Wait'll you hit 50. That "sweeter" violin turns into a fucked-up fiddle that can't be played.

Trust me. I know these things...

Bullshitted by Acidman on February 15, 2006 09:19 PM

Yup, my missus has a chest full of those pictures. One of me as a hardbody E-4. That 29 inch waist makes me wanna cry when I look at my 52 YO 40 inch waist today.

Oh well, The good news is, I'm still here and had a great walk in the sunshine today.

Bullshitted by MCPO Airdale on February 15, 2006 09:24 PM

Sure I'd be 20 again. ONLY if I had the knowledge that I do now.
Oh the evil I could do.......MUH HA HA HA HA HA!

Bullshitted by Maeve on February 15, 2006 09:34 PM

... WTF are you talking about, Rob... I'd heard your fiddle was inflatable...

Bullshitted by Eric on February 15, 2006 09:47 PM

Oh, BTW, I gotta admit, you did cut a dashing figure as a young man of twenty. Much unlike my own grubby self at that age...

Bullshitted by Elisson on February 15, 2006 09:52 PM

Good Lord, you couldn't pay me to be 20 again... even though I miss that pre-pregnancy body in the biggest way. It's not worth it, by any stretch.

I found my prom pictures and my date's face had been blackened out with marker. It was a really really bad prom...

Bullshitted by Bou on February 15, 2006 10:00 PM

Yeah, I enjoyed 20 back then but I'm soooo thankful to be done with it. But you could pay me to do it again---as long as I didn't have to do 21-24 again, too!

Bullshitted by Serrabee on February 15, 2006 10:14 PM

ahhhh to be 20 again...I am with Maeve on this one....I could have done some serious damage then.....

it is too late.

Oh and Eric I was thinking about getting one of those Nordic track things, but I cannot stand the snickering and talking behind my back.

Bullshitted by armywifetoddlermom on February 15, 2006 11:32 PM

I know the feeling.....but I'm at the point now, I just want MY ass back. That's all. I don't want to be 20 or even 30 again. NO WAY. But I could do some serious damage right now - if I could just find my ass!! ;-)

Bullshitted by Tammi on February 16, 2006 08:36 AM

You're only 33? You're still in the prime of life. If I could go back I'd be 38 again. Still had the energy to party all day and make it to work in the morning and all the moving parts still worked pretty well. Plus you got the wisdom thing going by then. The little crap in life doesn't bother you like it did in your 20s. You don't start really falling apart until the mid-40s. Then the doctors get a hold of you, and turn you into a walking pharmaceutical miracle.

Bullshitted by Libby on February 16, 2006 08:58 AM

I'd be happy to have the 20-year old body, but I wouldn't turn the clock back for it. Too much water under the bridge!

I know what you mean, Eric - I swear the t-mill talks to me all the time ;-)

Bullshitted by Barb on February 16, 2006 09:47 AM

33's not so bad. Some day I'll be that age and I'm sure I'll feel the same way I do now. Now 63, that's a different story.

Bullshitted by Contagion on February 16, 2006 12:35 PM

I'm in shape! Round is a shape dammit! And a circle is mathmatically perfect!!

Actually I'm with ya. I've taken to walking up and down the mammoth gully on my property each morning. Ask T1G about it. He slid half of it on his rear :)

Bullshitted by BloodSpite on February 16, 2006 01:27 PM

Great photo. :-)

I've embraced aging and I find there is so much freedom in not being 20 and gorgeous.

Bullshitted by Donna on February 16, 2006 01:28 PM

Quite the handsome young man at 20... ;)

I must admit I am not happy learning that I am older than you are... But I will say that I was thrilled to kick the door shut on my 20's. I am thoroughly enjoying my 30's.

(I wouldn't mind going back to the body I had before kids though for sure. Unfortunately I am confident that Helga can't help me. Maybe duct tape....)

Bullshitted by Richmond on February 16, 2006 03:10 PM

... and i kept it a secret that i named my bike (he's a boy) (and his name is schwinn, but it's pronounced "schwinnnnn") and can be heard crooning to him in my more secret moments. . . he's the strong, silent type ... but helga! LMAO! you two are in for a good time.

Bullshitted by justrose on February 18, 2006 07:28 AM