Defeated...

... well, I'm kicking off my last night of freedom with an evening meal of gin and re-heated McDonald's chicken nuggets... for tomorrow, I die...

... as a matter of fact, I feel pretty damn near death right now and that's just from attempting to put the machine together....

... see, in precision engineering you'd better pay close attention to details... and herein is where the problem lies... the more fatigued, stressed, or emotional you get... well, the less you see the details... it is circular, perpetual thing... once you start making little mistakes, the feelings of fatigue, stress, and emotion become more present... thus more little oversights.. more mistakes.. and more confusion.... and eventually, oblivion....

... see, I TOLD you guys my mind doesn't do blueprints... it's just not wired that way...

.. for instance... two bolts were practically identical... one was 1cm longer than the other... one damn centimeter!... and each of them had special spacers and washers... well, I accidentally used the wrong one in the wrong spot.. on three separate occasions... bolts, washer, and spacer.... so with the machine nearing completion, I realized the mistake much, much too late.... the metal weights (15 ten pound weights) lay stacked on top of the first mistake, by the way... and then later, the second mistake... and then the third.. it was (and is) quite horrible....

... and yes, before you ask.. I DID read the assembly directions... but hey, feel my pain... checkit: imagine that each weight is impaled on two eight foot tall iron rods... meaning that you must lift each weight individually from the floor to the height of 8'1" to un-impale them... and each time you realize that the mistake you made is UNDER them... oh, and the weights are covered in a thin layer of oil that makes them slippery.... some sort of cruel management decision by the demigods at Nordic Trak probably....

... anyway, it is sufficient to simply state that I did that about eight damn times tonight... four times putting them on and four times taking them off... as of right now, I have retired in disgust to the blogroom to lick my wounds... tomorrow, though?... tomorrow is the day... the bitch is mine.... she will relent and be conquered, of that I am certain... and yes, I've already figured out that she is most definitely female.... for only a woman could be so hard to figure out and promise so much pain if you make a mistake with her....

... now all I need is to figure out what her name is.. so that I can curse her properly tomorrow ...

... I'm thinking "Olga"... that sounds kinda Nordic.....

by Eric on February 10, 2006 | Bullshit (11) | TrackBack (2) | Psycho Rants
» Parkway Rest Stop links with: Assembly Required.
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Bullshit So Far

I'm thinking "Tilly", as in Thunder Thighs.

Bullshitted by Alaska Kim on February 10, 2006 07:17 PM

Though, look on the bright side, you got a good workout. Lots of reps, light lifting, good for toning, and you also had to stretch to get the weights off, so it's practically yogo. See, you don't need to have it assembled, just keep trying to assemble it daily.

Like Sysiphus.
:-D

Bullshitted by tommy on February 10, 2006 08:17 PM

Sometimes you just gotta step away. Tomorrow it will be clearer. There are too many times I'm wired in the blueprints at work, that I have to step away, go for a walk, clear my head, or... put them away and work on something else.

Bullshitted by Bou on February 10, 2006 08:20 PM

Here are a few norse female names you might try:
Erika (Forever Strong)
Gyda (Warlike)
Magna (Strong)
Trude (Strong)
and one more just keeping with the workout theme

Borngy (Help....).

Bullshitted by Dr Gno on February 10, 2006 09:05 PM

I don't think I'd fare any better despite my engineering degree. Methodical, schmethodical - I always manage to find something to screw up. Good thing I decided to pursue other endeavors beside Brain Surgery...and the same goes for you, killer...

Bullshitted by Elisson on February 10, 2006 10:39 PM

I used to assemble those machines for a living...as they got more fancy, they got more complex...after assembling one or two of those a night you needed no workout but I did get to the point that I could assemble one in just over 2 hours.

I know, I know...I shoulda told you this yesterday!

Bullshitted by Wizard on February 10, 2006 10:58 PM

I don't feel nearly as embarrased for putting half my desk together upside down now. Names I'm not so good with, hows abouts Helga? Ok, that's no good...that invokes images of hairy russian women. And nobody wants to work up a sweat thinking of hairy russian women.

Bullshitted by Mia on February 11, 2006 02:19 AM

How about Helga? That's a curse and a name all in one!

Bullshitted by Richmond on February 11, 2006 08:18 AM

I told you to get a bigger hammer-Olga sounds like a good name for her-I knew this German hammer named Olga one time

Bullshitted by GUYK on February 11, 2006 08:35 AM

I'm thinking Dagmar. She was a big, buxom blonde who was pouplar in the day.

Bullshitted by Jim - PRS on February 11, 2006 10:01 AM

Jayzuz ! I think I stick with the treadmill

Bullshitted by DanToom on February 12, 2006 01:10 PM