.... I took it upon myself today to clean the kitchen table.. and, people, what a monumental mistake...

... for those of y'all who've seen it, you will recall that the surface is glass.. nothing fancy or overly urbane.. just a simple table top...a place where one gathers together humble foodstuffs and munches them quietly while the television hums in the background... macaroni and cheese mostly... and corned beef hash... but, I digress...

... now, many of you will also recall the location of said table... sitting in the middle of a highly lit area of hardwood flooring... a tall glass door which leads out onto the deck standing behind....

... well, I've just spent about forty-five minutes of my dazzling life trying to clean that damn tabletop.. the way the light comes in from that door shows every streak and blemish on the glass... I broke a sweat on three separate occasions!.. (I had to rest from all of the exertion a couple of times)... rubbing, rubbing, squirting Windex, rubbing, rubbing, changing kitchen towels... Jesus... so, give it up, girls and fellow house-husbands... what's the damn secret?...

... oh, and by the way... I'm seriously loving this new scanner... anyone want to see a photo of me eating a sandwich?!... man, I love blogging...

by Eric on February 07, 2006 | Bullshit (19) | TrackBack (0) | Psycho Rants
Bullshit So Far

Use newspaper.

Bullshitted by livey on February 7, 2006 04:31 PM

Livey is right. Use black and white newspaper. Wad it up just like you would a paper towel, spray your windex, and use the newspaper to clean and dry the surface. It works wonderful on windows too. No streaks.

Bullshitted by Alaska Kim on February 7, 2006 04:36 PM

"rubbing, rubbing, squirting ..., rubbing, rubbing, changing kitchen towels."

Are you sure it was the "table" you were "cleaning?" Just Damn!

Bullshitted by Dax Montana on February 7, 2006 04:59 PM

Dax -- you perv!

Bullshitted by Alaska Kim on February 7, 2006 05:29 PM

.. Gentlemen... I was cleaning the table... I promise...

Bullshitted by Eric on February 7, 2006 05:34 PM

.. well, I will be damned... it worked... the newspaper worked....

Bullshitted by Eric on February 7, 2006 05:59 PM

heh - guess I'm a little late I was going to suggest newspaper too. It's an old trick - I'm surprised you never heard of it. *grin*

Bullshitted by Teresa on February 7, 2006 06:08 PM

And here I was afraid we were going to hear a tale of how you managed to shatter the glass top and cut the crap outta yourself. (Then after super gluing yourself back together having to type the post using your elbows...)

Bullshitted by Richmond on February 7, 2006 06:23 PM

... yeah.. well, that certainly would have been a lot more entertaining way to have spent this afternoon..

Bullshitted by Eric on February 7, 2006 06:28 PM

I'd have laid the glass top out in the bed of the truck, went to the car wash, and power washed both sides.

Then, I'd have driven through the "no touch" wash, and let the big air blowers dry it off.

Then, I'd have gone back into the car wash stall and picked up the gazillion pieces of my table top from the car wash stall floor...

Hey, them blowers are strong. Blew the top off my cooler. The owner threw it away... rat bastard.

Bullshitted by RedNeck on February 7, 2006 07:07 PM

Along with the newspaper, give cheap vinegar a try instead of windex. The cheap kind you can get in gallon bottles, works wonders. Cuts crud, fly specks, grime and smudge...all with a quickness, dries streak free(with minimal buffing) and is lots lots cheaper than the fancy speciality stuff.

Bullshitted by Grimmy on February 7, 2006 08:17 PM

I wouldn't let it be known that you now know how to clean glass. I wouldn't want to have to do the windows with my new found knowledge.

Bullshitted by GUYK on February 7, 2006 08:19 PM

Ah, is there nothing so mundane that we Blown-Eyed Blodgers will not blodge about it?

Perhaps I can find a nice Nasal Hair to tweeze. Then I must, perforce, write a post.

Bullshitted by Elisson on February 7, 2006 11:12 PM

Can blogging about floor sweeping be far behind?

Bullshitted by Jim - PRS on February 8, 2006 04:55 AM

The Glass People are going to be gunning for you - shut his blog down! He's dissing glass!

Bullshitted by Miss Jay on February 8, 2006 05:39 AM

.. sweeping floors and tweezing nasal hair.... got it... thanks for the tips, guys...

Bullshitted by Eric on February 8, 2006 07:56 AM

Since I am Martha Stewart I will add here that straight white vinegar and newspapers do the trick every time. Windex is for wussies...

Bullshitted by armywifetoddlermom on February 8, 2006 09:45 AM

"well, I’ve just spent about forty-five minutes of my dazzling life trying to clean that damn tabletop.. the way the light comes in from that door shows every streak and blemish on the glass"

Is anyone else reminded of a certain Nicholas Cage scene from the movie Matchstick Men?

Bullshitted by Harvey on February 10, 2006 12:41 PM

Go to auto repair place of your choice, get a non-streak automobile windshield cleaner...it is stronger, doesn't streak and cuts any stuff on glass...then wipe it down with newspaper or, if that's too messy for you, use the blue paper towels that gas stations carry.

Bullshitted by vk on February 10, 2006 06:38 PM