Two Dreams...

... last night was spent tossing and turning... two distinct dreams woke me in the early hours... around five, the most erotic dream of my quiet, simple little life was experienced... mercy sakes.... I nearly had a damn heart attack.... I drank some water and had a cigarette as one does, and then returned to sleep...

... the second dream was more confusing... it involved an old barn that my Great Uncle owned... an ancient and weather-worn structure... bleached gray from years of enduring all-weathers, it stood at the edge of his tobacco patch beside a stand of hardwoods...it was tall and had a stone foundation... each end was open as to allow tractors pulling wagons to enter or exit from either side...

.... many was the day that I rode on the back of a tractor laden with thousands of pounds of freshly cut tobacco.. late August usually... hot sun and dust... hands caked with the sticky dried tobacco juice...

... once in the barn, all of us workers would take our places... climbing higher and higher into the rafters of the barn... stopping at our allocated places and balancing ourselves on the beams.... Then the tobacco would start moving... the man on the wagon would take a runner full of stalks and pass it to the first man... then up and up until the runner reached the top man... on and on this would be repeated until the barn was slowly filled - from top to bottom - with an entire field full of tobacco...

... the top man was probably fifty feet off the ground... I was always one rung below him... see, the higher you were, the less work you had to do... and as I was very young and the Top Man was very old, we took positions higher up.. lots of times I would hear his head thump the tin roof as he tried to straighten himself or swat a wasp... I'd laugh and he'd cuss... which ended up making me laugh even harder... (I wasn't old enough yet to be allowed to cuss)....

... anyway, the point of all this is to get to the dream... after all, if I could afford therapy, I surely wouldn't be writing and telling these stories to YOU people.... so, on to the dream...

... the guys on the wagon were acting up... they seemed to think that the Top Man and I were having it too easy... not pulling our weight, so to speak... but unknown to them, he and I had a problem...

... now, here are the mechanics of the situation... all of us, as we fill up our rows, are slowly backing up all the time... legs spread wide with our feet balancing on a old, slow-cured sapling that had been worn smooth by years and years of use... it was a precarious situation, to be sure.... but here is where it gets worse.... as we inched backwards, our backs were getting closer and closer to the other wall of the barn.... and it just so happened that a group of wasps had built their nest in the very top of the barn where the tin roof and wall met... the Top Man was backing up to the nest and he wasn't really too happy about it...

... so the guys down below are giving us grief... me and the Top Man were eyeball to eyeball with those wasps... the nest was a large one... about the size of a grapefruit... and it literally crawled with probably 150 red wasps...

... I asked the Top Man, since he had more experience, what we were going to do... he winked at me and said... "those fellers down on the wagon had better shet up... they're ˜bout to see why I'm REALLY the Top Man... but don't you worry about them bees, boy... we'll be just fine up here... "

.. I watched in amazement as he took off his battered John Deere baseball cap and gingerly turned himself around on the spindly rafters.... deftly holding on to the tin, he moved both feet to the same support, spun himself, and then balanced again facing the opposite direction... and in one movement, he cupped his baseball cap over the entire nest and squeezed it hard.... he pulled it away from where it was attached to the wall and then released it... as long as I live, I will never forget watching that cap fall... it was almost in slow-motion...

.... it was like watching Slim Pickens ride that A-bomb.. the cap dropping directly towards the wagon... the doe-eyed farmboys looking up at us and laughing....

... sheer pandemonium erupted when that cap hit the wagon.... grown men and boys leaped from the wagon as a cloud of pissed off wasps began swarming... hardened, tobacco-chewing workmen loped like schoolboys and screamed like girls...

... me and the Top Man... we watched it all as it happened... safely perched as chaos ensued...

... so here I sit this morning.. half a pot of coffee down me, and I still can't figure out why I dreamed of the Top Man... and I shudder to think of the wasps..

by Eric on January 31, 2006 | Bullshit (13) | TrackBack (1) | SWG Stories
» Blog d'Elisson links with: PARRISH THE THOUGHT
Bullshit So Far

Was this a dream? Or a frickin' screenplay? Sheesh...therapy indeed...

Bullshitted by Elisson on January 31, 2006 10:40 AM

Screw the wasps, I wanna hear about the erotica!

Bullshitted by oddybobo on January 31, 2006 10:50 AM

The wasp stung his "johnson" that's why he almost had a heart attack.

Bullshitted by phin on January 31, 2006 11:10 AM

... sorry, bobo... I've tried writing Erotica, and it doesn't work... just can't do it... use your imagination....

Bullshitted by Eric on January 31, 2006 11:30 AM

You been smoking more than Camels?

Bullshitted by Catfish on January 31, 2006 02:18 PM

Eric,

Sorry my brother....but your formula did not work here.

This is what all of us perverts read....

"Erotic dream"...

blah blah blah.....

great.....

Bullshitted by ArmyWifeToddlerMom on January 31, 2006 04:14 PM

I'll put a spin on it.

You're the old man, and that wasps' nest is one of your blog posts, which you fling at your hapless, jesting commenters as you laugh with cruel amusement.

How's that? :-)

Bullshitted by Harvey on January 31, 2006 04:47 PM

Figures I'd be the one that could relate to the second dream... You don't want to piss of a nest full of wasps while you're up on the tier poles in a bacca barn at the top... That is a bad day fixin' to happen. Evidently, this wasn't "Top Man's" first barn...

Bullshitted by RedNeck on January 31, 2006 09:54 PM

Yeepers! I *hate* wasps. But I do seem to remember a bit of erotica you wrote ages ago that was pretty fine!

Bullshitted by Richmond on February 1, 2006 02:26 PM

The meaning is clear: You are a latent homosexual.

Bullshitted by Acidman on February 1, 2006 04:46 PM

hehe... I was about to Herbey had the ticket... but then I scanned down to Acidman's comment and fell out of my chair laughing... HOMO!

Bullshitted by Madfish Willie on February 1, 2006 10:01 PM

... fuck you, Willie..... come to a blogmeet....

Bullshitted by Eric on February 1, 2006 10:09 PM

Only if you promise not to sneak up on me from "behind"... you maniacally ellipsoidal HOMO!

Bullshitted by Madfish Willie on February 2, 2006 04:15 PM