.. my dear Mother came over last night and ate all the left-over lasagna I had stockpiled for tonight's dinner... sure, she enjoyed it... but, man, I could sure murder a plate of that stuff right now... ahh, don't get me wrong... it was a great time... we talked and reminisced about various things while she dug into that steaming pile of pasta-goodness...

... and as she was chewing gleefully on the al dente pasta, she brought up the time that my Father decided he wanted me to become an earthworm farmer...

.. I was about five at the time... I'd helped him build a wooden trough in the basement where it was cool and dark.. the perfect home for a bunch of nightcrawlers... layers and layers of dirt, cardboard, dirt, and more cardboard...

... in retrospect, I think he was trying to instill some sort of self-employment vibe into my wee frame... I can hear him saying, "Make your own way, boy. Grow these earthworms and prosper. Sell these wigglers to those bucktoothed fishermen, son. There will always be dirt, worms, and fishermen, boy."

... well, that lasted all of about a week... I was left in custody of the worms in the basement.. told to water them every evening and make sure the top layer of cardboard stayed nice and damp... after giving me my orders and promising we'd make millions, Dad headed off for a week of work in Clinton....

.. well, piss-poor, I was...a Good Steward, I was not... two days into my stint as an entrepreneur, I forgot all about my new friends in the basement and settled into watching cartoons after getting home from 1st Grade... and when my Dad came home on Friday night, every one of those damn worms had either died or jumped ship.. that soft, moist combination of cowshit, earth, and cardboard was as dry as the shifting sands of the Sahara...

... I didn't get spanked, but I probably should have been... worm murderer that I was... strange how time replays itself, though... today, just as it was 28 years ago, I sure am easily distracted...

... I think I'll order a pizza..

by Eric on January 09, 2006 | Bullshit (5) | TrackBack (0) | SWG Stories
Bullshit So Far

Earthworm Genocide. Brings a tear to my eye.

I'd suggest a moment of silence for the worms, but it looks like you took care of that. ;-)

How was the pizza?

Bullshitted by Mia on January 10, 2006 12:34 AM


You didn't add them to the lasagna did you?

Bullshitted by Contagion on January 10, 2006 08:33 AM

Ah Worm Farming. Got to keep those imitation bacon bits coming.

Bullshitted by Chris on January 10, 2006 05:13 PM

this is what recently happened to my african violet. it revived briefly at my discovery but then i overwatered it and it went into a swift decline. the guilt and shame are almost more than i can bear. this is why i don't like cottage agricultural industries in the home.

RIP your earthworms.

Bullshitted by justrose on January 11, 2006 11:10 AM

You're like the Saddam Hussein of wormdom.

To the gallows with thee!

Bullshitted by Harvey on January 12, 2006 12:12 PM