Christine McIntyre....

... amazing how worlds collide sometimes... how the depths of our memories are dredged at the strangest of times to produce connective tangents we never thought possible.... the whimsical and the happenstance twisting and squirming until our little minds discover a meaning in the madness... well, that happened to me yesterday afternoon...

... while diddy-bopping along the back roads grooving to some Bloodhound Gang, I suddenly remembered my First Love... I was a budding six year old Tennessean... and she was happily married, 67 years old, and a successful realtor in California... but, God, how I loved her... as with most perfect beings, she always remained out of reach... and once I hit puberty, I forgot all about her... but that is always the case with first loves.... that is, until today...

... as I hurtled my car along those spindly paths with the beat booming, a face from the past materialized just as D.J. Q-Ball and Jimmy Pop were starting the second verse of The Bad Touch... it was as if I had been touched by the hand of the Almighty himself... my lust for Christine McIntyre was reawakened...

christine.jpg

.. "Love.. the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket.. like the lost catacombs of Egypt, only God knows where we stuck it"...

... absolutely amazing... after all this time, I finally remembered the first woman who flipped that proverbial switch... and you know, I normally don't go for blondes....

... yep, as strange as it sounds, I believe that gorgeous blonde who starred in so many Three Stooges episodes was the reason for my first ever boner...

... hey, don't judge me.... being six years old at the time, I was living on a junk-television diet of "Days of our Lives", "The Three Stooges", and "Captain Kangaroo"... but I remembered today the exact moment of liftoff... the Stooges had dropped a bag of bubble gum into the cake mix thinking they were marshmallows... hilarity (and a rather small stiffy) resulted once Christine's huge bubblegum bubble burst all over her face.... sticky, wet, and marvelous...

.. in retrospect, I suppose, even in black and white, she was a good one to first pop-up to... and in a way, I'm pretty lucky... I mean, what if it had been Mr. Greenjeans?...

.. she was the first woman ever to stir that spark in my loins those many, many years ago... and I've got The Bloodhound Gang to thank for kick-starting that old memory...

... the only thing that detracts from the whole scene is the possibility of Larry nailing her backstage... but still, I was only six.. and I didn't think about that back then....

by Eric on November 04, 2005 | Bullshit (12) | TrackBack (1) | Psycho Rants
ยป from Jhony links with: :-)
Bullshit So Far

I remember my first. Princess Leia. I still have a thing for Carrie Fisher.

Bullshitted by Contagion on November 4, 2005 08:49 AM

Crystal Bernard on Happy Days then on It's a Living.

Bullshitted by RSM on November 4, 2005 09:07 AM

Ya'll can remember yer first boner but ya can't remember birthdays, anniversaries, etc. . . ;)

Bullshitted by oddybobo on November 4, 2005 09:33 AM

Oh ma, I was gettin' into some happy memoreis then you have to spoil the whole damn picture with Larry nailing her. Well, I guess better Larry than Moe--ahhhggg

Bullshitted by GUYK on November 4, 2005 09:41 AM

"bubble gum burst"...interesting Eric....

Bullshitted by armywifetoddlermom on November 4, 2005 11:50 AM

... I mean c'mon.. just look at that smile..

Bullshitted by Eric on November 4, 2005 12:04 PM

My first love was in first grade she was 6 years old, dark hair, mysterious. She never noticed me. I don't remember my first boner, but the first time I masturbated at 12, I couldn't believe how my body shook. And then at 13, all this liquid mess suddenly appearing everywhere.

Ahhh, the good ol' days.

Bullshitted by WitNit on November 4, 2005 12:54 PM

I can't say as I got a rod from the dame, but she was sure the apple of Shemp's eye.

Bullshitted by wavemaker on November 4, 2005 12:57 PM

Linda Carter - Wonder Woman
Adrienne Barbeau - Maude

Bullshitted by Blackfive on November 4, 2005 04:07 PM

I'm sitting here thinking, crap, I have three boys. One day they're going to be talking about this. My three sweet boys. Damn. I don't wanna know...

Bullshitted by Bou on November 4, 2005 09:23 PM

You is a'right you dont wanna know.....nor shall you ever know, most likely.

My Sunday School teacher, Ginger **mumble, mumble**....if I had had the wherewithall at age **mumble, mumble**, I would have attempted to knock some serious dents in her chassis.....

Probably would still be inclined to dry up the crap outta her leg today, but that is just me....easily entertained.

Bullshitted by bitterman on November 5, 2005 03:07 AM

Diana Rigg as Mrs. Peel on the Avengers
Goldie Hawn on Laugh In

Rowl, and I was an "early starter" too...

Bullshitted by Laughing Wolf on November 5, 2005 07:47 AM