... a few months back, my dear Mother forced me to take gifted me with a gigantic portrait of myself as a babe... 12X16 or something... imitation brass frame... an Olan Mills special... it's been sitting in the floor of the blogroom collecting dust ever since she brought it over...

... I mean, there I am... sitting upright in a 3/4-facing position... jaw slack... eyes slightly unfocused.... head like a cueball with only the faintest sheen of the coppery-red that would soon be blossoming... and, I'm dressed to the nines in a genuine blue and white pinstriped Railroad Conductor's uniform... complete, people... jacket.. trousers... and waistcoat...

... why do people do that to their offspring?.. not the giving of the picture to the now-adult me.. but having the dastardly thing taken to begin with?... sure, I have no kiddies of my own, so maybe I am just out of the loop.. is this kind of torture what goes on behind the closed doors of Parenthood?... I certainly hope not... and I know that if I fathered a child, I'd be a total sap just like all Fathers... but still, I like to give myself enough latitude to imagine that I'd never do that to my kid...

... why do I bring this up?... well, I just hung that puppy up on the wall... right above my poster of John Wayne.. and just below my hand-drawn rendition of Stonewall Jackson's monument at Manassas... and as I type this, the little bugger is right in front of me grinning like a beady-eyed madman....

... fine... it was given, and it is up.. but, and hear me people, for this I swear... if my Momma tries to pawn off that life-size monstrosity of me as a toddler wearing the Hee-Haw overalls that's hanging in her hallway and that she's happily shown every girlfriend I ever brought home since I first started dating, that'll be the last straw....

UPDATE: RSM weighs in on the subject.. and kids, it ain't pretty....

by Eric on October 18, 2005 | Bullshit (7) | TrackBack (3) | SWG Stories
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Bullshit So Far

LOL! I have to say, it is so much fun to mess around when you have young 'uns. Crazy stuff. And as you dress them like that, you can't halp but totally laugh out loud, because they're so dang cute. That's what makes Halloween so much fun. Dressing a baby as a big pea in a pod or a dorky pumpkin.

Maybe its a chick thing, but it's a damn riot.

AND!, we love to look back and say, "ohhhhh! Wasn't he so cute? And look at that head. Remember how we used to call him Bubble Head 'cause his head was SO big and round?!" heh heh heh

Bullshitted by Bou on October 18, 2005 08:12 PM

It coulda been worse. You coulda been in your birthday suit.

Bullshitted by Jim - PRS on October 18, 2005 10:03 PM

You had Hee Haw overalls? Dude, that is the awesome-est.....

Bullshitted by bitterman on October 18, 2005 10:05 PM

Railroad conductor, eh?

Could've been worse. Leather chaps, a 16-foot bullwhip, a red hat...

Bullshitted by Elisson on October 18, 2005 11:29 PM

She's just getting her revenge! And you have to smile....that's the best part.

Bullshitted by Rachel Ann on October 19, 2005 02:42 AM

OMG, I read your post after my sister called me and asked what I wanted for christmas as her and my mom were going shopping this weekend. To my total unthinking stupidity I said "whatever you want...anything will do." I said this as I gave up long ago at having a decent or even a remotely relevant present for christmas.

Then I stopped by to read you. OMG! The fear that took over was palpable as my sister mentioned mom getting a frame and she would get me a picture to put in it. This is my kid sister, the one I would scold, put in time out, and play horrible tricks on. NOOOOO! So please help me not to suffer your fate and share with me (Mrs. SWG too)what your favorite DVD/CD's are!

Thanks, your help will help me have a good christmas! Thank you!

Bullshitted by Michele on October 19, 2005 11:57 AM

How cute!!! I just LOVED doing that to my babies!! Perhaps you have to be a parent to find the picture of a bald headed little drooling baby the finest thing to frame and hang on the wall but I think its a tribute to how much your mother loves you that she finds that picture something to be THAT proud of!

Bullshitted by annelizly on October 20, 2005 12:53 AM