Church...

... I saw this, and immediately started laughing... not because of the post, but because of a tale it reminded me of....

... I was brought up very near the buckle of the Bible Belt... and what's more, two of my Great Grandfathers were Church of God ministers back in the day... if you aren't aware of the Church of God, then let me clue you in... in their prime, they were so strict that they made Southern Baptists look like flaming infidels... we were like Baptists on steroids.. as straight laced as laces can possibly be laced straight... how I ended up the husk of a man you see today is still a mystery to me...

... anyway, after reading that post, my mind harked back to a sunny Sunday morning at Church.. my Uncle was sitting directly in front of me, and my Mother and Father on my left and right.... well, the Preacher commenced to preach.. the deacons started speaking in tongues... and general Church of God holiness was in full swing... and then, for some reason, my Uncle started sweating... perhaps he was getting into the spirit of things... perhaps he was afraid the next speaking in tongues session would out him in some way... but regardless, as the perspiration came on, a bright red mark appeared on the back of his balding head... my Mother became mesmerized by the blemish... the longer the Preacher spouted, the brighter the mark grew... finally, she leaned across me and whispered to my Pa...

.. "what's that mark on your Brother's head?.. it seems to get brighter and brighter... I've never noticed it before.."...

.. Dad turned his head and eyeballed the offensive mark...

... "Oh," says he... "that's from stealing watermelons... we were crawling under a barbed wire fence at Stephen Daugherty's and he cut his head bad.. it bled for a week.. but boy, those watermelons sure were good..."....

... was it a sign of a guilty conscience?... was it merely the spirited commune with Godliness?.. was it just the summer's humidity?... we'll probably never know..

.. but my Mother laughed out loud when Dad said that... and not just a giggle... a good, old-fashioned, Southern Woman HEE HAW... right there in church...

... had it been the Church of God of the 1880s, we'd probably have been stoned to death out back after the service...

... still, this doesn't have much to do about anything, but I felt like sharing.... Rob's right about one thing, though... nothing is quite as sweet as when you've risked a little of yourself to get it..

by Eric on July 13, 2005 | Bullshit (9) | TrackBack (0) | SWG Stories
Bullshit So Far

In a Catholic church, the might have made him a saint. You know, stigmata and all.

Bullshitted by Jim - PRS on July 14, 2005 02:15 AM

I'm still trying to picture you in a Church of God... ;-)

Bullshitted by Bou on July 14, 2005 03:50 PM

.. good point, Jimbo...

.. and Bou, it's true.. I was there... I was definitely there..

Bullshitted by Eric on July 14, 2005 03:54 PM

an incredible tale told in your inimitable way. i am sorry i haven't been around lately, i have missed reading your posts.

Bullshitted by justrose on July 14, 2005 04:53 PM

If you can't laugh in church, you're praying to the wrong God :-)

Bullshitted by Harvey on July 14, 2005 05:16 PM

Eric:
You must be talking about the Church of God of Cleveland,TN. You should do a post about Camp Meeting. I went to one, and it was a real redneck freak show.
As you no doubt recall, they do have good music, though. Especially the larger churches,which sport larger talent and gene pools. Good pickers, bluegrass and rockabilly harmony, speeding up 4/4 songs like " O I Want to See Him", syncopated clapping, soulful laments. I suppose that I have a love/hate relationship with the Church of God and the AOG.

Bullshitted by Wall on July 14, 2005 08:21 PM

Yeah. Got a pussy mark does that. Won't say where. Yet another reason to avoid services.

Bullshitted by Velociman on July 14, 2005 10:39 PM

... Rose, you are much too kind..

.. oh, and about thirty miles North, Wall.... but you're heading in the right direction...

.. and Velociman.. well, quite simply, I'm scared to imagine...

Bullshitted by Eric on July 14, 2005 11:29 PM

There are some wierd as hell cultural bizarrenesses in the world. I mean, who came uo with this tongues language for instance? How about the whole practice of burials and wakes? All these little traditions we follow but don't understand upon 'what' they were based. Its so Kafkaesque! (sp? too lazy to look it up.. it looks wrong too)
You know ... I've always wondered about that 'speaking in tongue bit'...I mean, how do you know they ARE? Speaking in tongues? It's kind of bizarre...the tongues thing...who they hell even came up with that terminology? It sounds lascivious! Which, I'm sure it's not......well, almost sure, cuz how they hell do you know...if they ARE speaking in tongues? Nevermind...

Bullshitted by Sinequanon on July 16, 2005 02:51 AM