Snapping Turtle...

... I type this breathlessly, people.... heart pounding.. I have just kidnapped a wild creature... he's in the garage under the pool table right now.... big, big, big... heavy as lead and uglier than Hell...

... I had just gotten up from reading Interview with Velociman and headed to the kitchen for coffee when I saw it.. lumbering with purpose across my driveway...

... for some reason, I immediately sprang into action... it rained hard last night, so I guess that is what triggered the beast to roam... either that, or he's looking for some snapping turtle love.. in any case, I plan on fucking with him for a while... getting some good action shots of him snappin' at a broom handle or something.... regardless, he'll be held prisoner until The Wife gets home and gets a gander... she's never seen one before... I'll let him be on his way after that.. me?... I used to catch them as a kiddie so it's no big deal.. I have to admit, though... he's a formidable varmint.. and it certainly got my adrenalin pumping when I grabbed him by the tail...

.. damn, what a morning... Velociman interviewed and an alligator snapper in the garage... perhaps I'll post later with a comparison and contrast...

UPDATE: After surfing a few turtle sites, I have new information... the turtle is a Chelydra serpentina serpentina... or a Northern Common Snapping Turtle... oh, and it's a she, too... it's shell is 14 inches long and 11 inches wide... oh, and she gets really pissed off when you try to measure her shell...

UPDATE #2: .. cruising the blogroll, I happened up on two wonderful posts on the glories of animal husbandry.. one by Rob... and one by Kelley... man, I am so ashamed for capturing Mrs. Chelydra... I'm off to take a few photos and set the dear free...

by Eric on June 27, 2005 | Bullshit (17) | SWG Stories
Bullshit So Far

At first I thought you were telling one of your stories and perhaps embellishing a little. Then I saw the title.

It might help if I read that first, lol.

You certainly have your share of creatures where you live. *grin*

Bullshitted by Donna on June 27, 2005 09:46 AM

Post pictures!! I've never seen one up close.

Bullshitted by Princess Cat on June 27, 2005 10:39 AM

Mean little bastiges they are. The biggest one I’ve seen had a head about the size of my fist. My folks have a picture of me holding one up as it held on to piece of rope it’d tormented it with.

Granddaddy used to say they made a good stew. I’ve never eaten any; I can’t bring myself to eat anything that damned ugly.

Bullshitted by phin on June 27, 2005 11:09 AM

Were he in my possession, he'd be in a stew pot right now, simmering away in a gumbo base. Turtle meat is quite good.

Where in the hell was he headed, reckon? Pasture ponds around those parts?

Bullshitted by bitterman on June 27, 2005 11:57 AM

.. no idea where he was heading... but he's cooling off in the garage right now... I've eaten turtle before, but this guy is safe.. I'm in a charitable mood right now...

Bullshitted by Eric on June 27, 2005 12:01 PM

My grampa, who basically lived off the river his whole life by fishin and 'turtlin', sported a little stub where his left index finger used to be. He wound up eatin the snapper that 'et' his finger...which I happened to find more than a bit disturbing. heh

Karma even applies to snappers, I guess.

Bullshitted by Pammy on June 27, 2005 01:00 PM

I'm with Bitterman, turtle stew is damn tasty....

Bullshitted by Graumagus on June 27, 2005 02:25 PM

That's so cool!! My 7 yr old just found his first turtle the other day. He was thrilled. So thrilled he accidentally dropped it on it's back on a rock when it moved and he wasn't prepared for it. Oops.

Bullshitted by Kelly on June 27, 2005 03:09 PM

Wait. Is he safe because you're feeling charitable or because your wife would not be happy knowing you made turtle for dinner? :)

Bullshitted by Bou on June 27, 2005 04:22 PM

.. to tell you the truth, I am too lazy to clean the beast... besides, it's looking for a place to lay eggs..

Bullshitted by Eric on June 27, 2005 04:28 PM

Oh man Eric your first lines got me all excited! You really know how to grab a girls attention... now what was the rest of the post about?

Bullshitted by livey on June 27, 2005 04:48 PM

Just be careful handling that bitch. They have long necks and one hell of a temper. They can take a finger off with one snap of that powerful jaw.

You must have a river, a pond or a lake nearby. Snappers like the water and the only time you'll see a female on land is when she's looking for a dry place to lay her eggs.

Bullshitted by Acidman on June 27, 2005 07:11 PM

Glad ours turned out to be a nice docile red eared slider. When I found out what he ate (turtle chow, worms, goldfish), the hub went right out and got goldfish. "Speedy" the turtle could not catch this one fish. We had a hell of a time catching the little sucker too when having to clean out Speedy's habitat. We finally put that little fish into a fish bowl. I named him "Lucky".

Bullshitted by Maeve on June 27, 2005 09:10 PM

From 1 'Neck to another... I hope you're wearin' tight shorts around her... Anything swingin' is fair game.

And watch out, that turtle will get ya while you ain't lookin'.


Bullshitted by RedNeck on June 27, 2005 10:02 PM

StraightWhiteGuy has a cooter?

Something taint right about that.

Bullshitted by Ironnerd on June 27, 2005 11:49 PM

I used to catch snapping turtles all the time when I was a kid. It was a part of every summer. I ate most of the ones I caught, the ones I didn't eat I gave to others to eat.

You're right on them being nasty little beasties.

Bullshitted by Contagion on June 28, 2005 08:58 AM

We have tons in our pond and are trying to catch them... so far.. we have one... any suggestions on good bait to use??

Bullshitted by turtleslayer on August 17, 2005 08:13 PM