... I called a crew in yesterday to bring down an old dead tree in the back yard... it was in such a position that if a nape like me attempted to fell it, it'd end up crashing into the kitchen and denting my martini shaker... hey, we don't want that to happen, now do we?... so, the professionals were summoned.... did a good job, too... sitting on my deck watching them torque and ratchet that dead behemoth was a treat... chainsaws are equally as effective as bugzappers in the entertainment department.. and we be easily amused in the late afternoons around here...
.. anyway, that's not really what I wanted to talk about... see, after they were finished, a second crew showed up... The Stump Removers... and they were badasses...
... I think I've found my calling, people... I mean, what is more offensive to laid-back humanity than a gnarly stump?... twisted and hardened and standing in the way... immovable... unrepentant... yes, indeed... and nothing can make a homeowner break a sweat like trying to dig up a stump... those boys?.. their machine made short work of it.. basically a giant grinder with a robotic arm... teeth like an angry Great White Shark.... in 15 minutes, they had worn that puppy down to a nub... nature would have taken 15 years to have laid it low... it was impressive..
... but here is the thing... I'll bet being a stump grinder by profession is incredibly satisfying.... no angst at the end of the day... no computers to reboot... no pencil-necked stuffed shirts to deal with.... no office... just you and your stump grinding machine standing in a forest... of course, you'd have the occasional horsefly to shoo off... and some days it'd be hot outside, but other than that, being a stump grinder would positively rock... Hell, sign me up... I mean, just imagine... after a day of standing behind a Plexiglas shield and enforcing your will upon God's creations, you just traipse back home and kick back with an ice cold Pabst..
... talk about job satisfaction... sipping on your beer, you'd be content in the knowledge that when you went to work there was a tough-as-nails stump.. and when you finished, Mr. Badass Stump was a pile of inoffensive lawn mulch...
... I do believe that I could handle that...
Little Joe from Midway Georgia just ripped up 49 stumps, he took them down under the ground. Little Joe is 6 foot 6 and weighs 325 pounds, he did a great job. He gave me a quote of 420.00 and after the job, I gave him 450.00, Joe told me that in all the years of stump knocking, I was the only man that pais him more, than he asked. Plus, little Joe, drank a case of ckes and ate with me and drank about 6 gallons of Gatorade, I would hate to raise that little boy, Cat
Bullshitted by catfish on June 26, 2005 11:26 AMI wonder what their nightmares are like. The Stump Srikes Back? Stump Ventura? Stump 2 - On The Rocks?
Bullshitted by sadie on June 26, 2005 11:55 AMWhich cost more, the tree removal or the stump?
A few years back, a house of Mexicans down the street decided to take down a dying tree in their front yard. Those of us that were prudent moved our cars. Good thing too as they didn't get it to fall quite where they intended. It was a great way to pass a Sunday. We did go inside to laugh though.
Bullshitted by MM on June 26, 2005 03:55 PMSince I'm spending the day digging out a stump by myself, I'm jealous!
Bullshitted by livey on June 26, 2005 04:45 PMDamn, I don't miss horseflys. Those suckers HURT when they bite!
Bullshitted by Maeve on June 26, 2005 05:03 PMHey, lemme tell ya, as far as I'm concerned... this ol' worl' needs as many stump grinders as it can get, and I don't care if trees are involved or not.
Ain't nothin' like a good Ol' fashioned stump grindin'.
Here's the nightmare scenario: You, Mr Champion Stumpgrinder, go out to a job and note that the homeowner has mucked with the stump, but basically done nothing to it. You maneuver the grinder over and start to grind. Sometime later, you are down below the ground level. All of a sudden, you see stars, you feel a huge whump as you land in one corner of the yard and the remains of your machine land, thankfully, in another. You are puzzled.
But it doesn't take you long to realize that the dumbshit howmeowner tried to blow the stump with explosives, but they didn't go off for him, but they DID go off for you.
Nice of him to tell you, huh?