My Monday....

.. early this morn, I awoke with the need for action coursing through my veins... a heartfelt need for movement... after all, it is a Monday - a day which finds most law-abiding citizens venturing off to their places of work... yes, today is the customary beginning of a week of toil... a thing which I have become a stranger to of late.. so, after a nice stretch and a pot of coffee, I set about looking for some menial task with which I could slake my thirst for results...

... at first, I checked the laundry... yep... all done.. then the dishes.. yep, I did them last night... carpet?... clean enough.. Hell, I even opened up the gunsafe, and sure enough, all weapons were clean, lubed, and ready for action.... what to do?... ahhh... let us just drink more coffee and watch the Pope's procession.... which I did..

... well, after a few hours, I am happy to report to you all that I had a flash of brilliance just as my man showed up to mow my lawn... you got it, children... I realized - in a wild tangent kind of way - that The Wife ran out of vino last night... a situation that simply will not do.. so, I headed off to Lenoir City to purchase aforementioned vino... this also afforded me the opportunity to stop at Taco Bell and load up on burritos for lunch... a rare treat around my house for sure... anyway, upon returning, I found my lawn freshly manicured... as I was approaching the house with my liquid booty, I noticed a small hill of fire ants that had been knocked over by the mower... I stood for a minute, case of wine in hand, and watched the little beasts carrying their blind young across my walkway path, and disappearing into the gravel of the azalea bed..

... I was immediately reminded of my Robert Service, of course, but took no heed.... Hiroshima, indeed... Raid to the rescue, my friends.... I deposited the load of booze onto the kitchen table, retrieved my chemical weapons, and let those suckers have it.... I was standing there, victoriously watching thousands of critters writhe in pain, when I noticed the weeds in the flowerbed... Hot Damn... a NEW task... one in need of attention..

... see?... Creative Loafing can take you in directions you never even imagined... what is my current task, you may ask?... kicking back with a drink, and beginning an afternoon of reading blogs... yeah, I know.. and, yeah... I AM ashamed...

by Eric on April 04, 2005 | Bullshit (13) | SWG Stories
Bullshit So Far

As well you Should be! Waving your creative loafing in the faces of those of us who toil daily ;-)

Bullshitted by Barb on April 4, 2005 05:52 PM

Ah - ants and a can of Raid... what fun! *grin*

Bullshitted by Teresa on April 4, 2005 06:16 PM

Taco Hell burritos? Your poor wife! I hope you included a gas mask in your shopping trip!

Bullshitted by Maeve on April 4, 2005 10:17 PM

I need to send my boys your way. They like to try to feed them. Go figure. I caught them with a cup of flour, pouring it over the hill to see if they'd eat it.

The answer was yes.

Bullshitted by Boudicca on April 4, 2005 10:35 PM

Do you offer lessons or perhaps consult? I am in need of rejuvenation in my loafing pursuits.

Bullshitted by bitterman on April 5, 2005 12:07 AM

Ah yes, the creative art of loafing. Some are very good at it,,,

Bullshitted by Michele on April 5, 2005 07:15 AM

Killing fire ants? You da man! Those buggers almost killed me last time I was bit/stung/attached. They must die, they must all die.

You did a good and noble thing, my friend. Kill them, kill them all. Enjoy their pain, relish their suffering.

Then yeah - kick back and treat yourself! If I were there I'd buy you a scotch!

Bullshitted by Tammi on April 5, 2005 08:46 AM

Ack! That's the stuff of nightmares, fire ants..... eeeek.

Bullshitted by sadie on April 5, 2005 09:13 AM

One damn can of raid for a fire ant hill? Must be a different breed than we have in SC. The fire ants here eat raid for a snack and the hill goes down about 10 feet and spreads for yards. Five gallons of gasoline, a funnel and a bic lighter might get the war started.

Bullshitted by James Old Guy on April 5, 2005 09:15 AM

Oh ROCK ON! I just found my new best (pyro) friend in James Old Guy.

Bullshitted by PrncessCat on April 5, 2005 09:59 AM

Sounds just great to me. As for the fire ants, a firecracker in the hole would have been fun, followed, of course, by chemical warfare to get the blast survivors as they scatter.

Bullshitted by Jim -PRS on April 5, 2005 05:59 PM

... good idea, Jim, and it would have been fun.. but it would also have resulted in me being covered in incredibly angry fire ants... which, as a rule, sucketh... still, bring your firecrackers and come on down... we'll get blasted and blast'em...

Bullshitted by Eric on April 5, 2005 06:04 PM

Firecrackers are illegal in this Blue Farookin' State, and as such are "contraband," the possession of which is unlawful. Because they are contraband, they are subject to seizure, which is why the cops' kids had the best firecrackers.

Bullshitted by Jim - PRS on April 5, 2005 07:39 PM