I'm in serious trouble now

Eric's liquor cabinet is empty. What I didn't drink, I spilled on the floor and I think I shit my pants on his sofa last night. (No... I don't THINK so...I KNOW SO! But I can wash my pants in his kitchen sink, right next to his dinner-plates. I don't know how I'm going to explain that stain on the sofa.)

I had a problem with gravity after I drank that entire bottle of Scotch he had stashed 'waaay back there for special occasions. I think I barfed on the floor, too, but I can blame that on the cat.

The whole house still smells like smoke and burnt plastic garbage can, so I decided to air the place out today. Damn! He sure has some of those tricky windows to open. I broke two before I figured out how to operate them. I'm going to blame that on the cat, too. Once Eric sees that tail-less, half-toasted critter, he'll believe my story. Hell... I would believe it and I know it's a lie.

I was staggering around, minding my own business, and I somehow ended up in Fiona's underwear drawer. She wears a size panties that fits perfectly on my head. They smell a lot better than I do, too. I probably should have not walked out on the still-smoldering deck wearing nothing but those panties on my head while my pants soaked in the kitchen sink, but I did, and I'm pretty sure that I was spotted by one of Eric's neighbors. I'm pretty sure that I heard someone yell "PERVERT!" as they were running away.

I hear sirens in the distance and I believe that I detect flashing blue lights approaching through the Tennessee hills. I may have to make a hasty exit here, to avoid a conflict with the law that I really don't want.

Damn! I don't know how fast I can run in these wet blue jeans, but I'm about to find out.

by Acidman on March 29, 2005 | Bullshit (7)
» Fistful of Fortnights links with: Lesssons Learned Today.
» The Pink Flamingo Bar Grill links with: I wanna buy this guy a drink....
Bullshit So Far

Acidman, from the description of your night, I think that we could probably hang out sometime.

Bullshitted by Gooseneck on March 29, 2005 01:41 PM

ROFLMFAO! Goddamn it! Thank God there is no kids in the class room right now. I can't stop laughing! I'm picturing the scene right now, You running about with panties on your head, Elvis pissing into the living room and fried cat. Acidman, you'd better replace the booze or Eric will get mad!

Bullshitted by Maeve on March 29, 2005 01:55 PM

*wipes tears from eyes*
Acidman, you are killing me! I laugh out loud everytime I get to the part about putting the fire out with the cat!!!

These are classic - but Eric better come home soon ... or just stay in Chicago!

Bullshitted by Barb on March 29, 2005 02:35 PM

How is it possible for one man to have so much fun all by himself? C'mon, you at least have V-Man's mutant helping you out, right?

Bullshitted by sadie on March 29, 2005 04:35 PM

You didn't try and take Eric's pretty wife to bed? Did you? Eric will take that skinning knife and cut your guts out, be careful, Cat.

Bullshitted by catfish on March 29, 2005 08:34 PM

I'm in Singapore about to interview an employee here, and I'm em-BARE-ASS-ing myself laughing. Ya have to be discreet in Singapore...

Bullshitted by Mark Alexander on March 30, 2005 02:00 AM

I started reading that and thought: "that's not erik, wait a minute... I know who that is!"

And I was right...

Bullshitted by Dz on March 30, 2005 05:14 AM