National Geographic..

... I've just spent the better half of this rainy Saturday afternoon watching the National Geographic Channel... Great Bloody Hell...

.. so, I zip out to town for some Chinese carry-out for lunch... once home, I turn on the tube, and kick back on the couch to begin my feast... what do I see?... a dried up mudhole full of crocodiles and hippos... nasty, nasty stuff... a poor momma baboon had her babe ripped right from her nipple as she grubbed for a drink at the edge of that fetid pool.. the other baboons beat the crap out of the croc, but it was too late... then, a cute, baby gazelle was eaten alive by a thirst-crazed monkey... every single varmint that stuck it's neck close to the water was munched in a most grotesque and violent manner.. crocodiles spin, by the way... fuck me... quite a charming little scene... I know that nature is a real bitch, but this crap put me right off my chow mien, let me tell ya... the show did have a happy ending, though... every animal in that film died at the end... even the crocs... fucking charming...

... so, lunch being ruined, I mixed up a highball, and reclined once again... well, guess what came on next?.. some show called "greatest moments of National Geographic".... good God, people... if you have not seen this show, don't.. I was a nervous wreck by the time the "dangerous animals" segment came on... I nearly shit my pants when that lion looked up from that cape buffalo's guts and eyed the unarmed camera man... THAT was a look of pure bloodlust... trust me, I know.. I've seen it in humans, but never in the eyes of a LION at 10 feet... and then, that moron snake-handling guy, Brady Barr, grappled with a python... it knocked him and his helper over, and was about to break his scrawny neck... and, just in the nick of time, he wrestled it free from it's deathgrip-chokehold... I actually caught myself.. no shit... sitting in the living room... with my arms wrapped around my head... trying to help that bastard get that snake off of him... sympathy terror, I suppose...

... hey, I don't watch television very much... but, DAMN... I was expecting bouncing primitive boobies from an undiscovered tribe... not sitting for two hours with my flight or fight button being tweaked...

by Eric on January 29, 2005 | Bullshit (10) | Psycho Rants
Bullshit So Far

"bouncing primitive boobies"???????????

Hot damn, Eric. You never fail to amaze me;-)

Bullshitted by Sadie on January 29, 2005 05:45 PM

.. yeah.. I've been on a boobage kick of late... must be the phase of the moon, or something... but, it suits me...

Bullshitted by Eric on January 29, 2005 05:48 PM

I think it's the Baywatch reruns...

Bullshitted by Christina on January 29, 2005 06:37 PM

I guess you don't watch much TV if that little bit of carnage scared ya! Man, you should watch fear factor,,,pretty females drinking earthworm milkshakes, hunks blowing chunks of maggot meatloaf; now that's prime time TV!!

Bullshitted by Michele on January 29, 2005 07:31 PM

NGC, I never knew what I was missing. Damn. Do they really have primitive boobies? I need some of that.

Bullshitted by Michael on January 29, 2005 09:54 PM

I'm an equal opportunity boobie watcher. I don't care if they're primitive, or contemporary. They all look good to me. Bouncing is a plus though.

Bullshitted by RedNeck on January 29, 2005 11:51 PM

So instead of watching nubile young boobies being tweaked, you watched blood fest, circle of life? Bummer! Next time, just look for HBO's pornucopia. Much more entertaining.

Bullshitted by Maeve on January 30, 2005 12:03 AM

I concur with Christina's statement.

Bullshitted by sadie on January 30, 2005 05:09 AM

Sounds exactly as I envision Jekyll.

Bullshitted by Velociman on January 30, 2005 11:21 AM

Those poor cuddly creatures. I cruise by now and again. You make me laugh sometimes. Other times I wonder what kind of reasons people have for keeping a blog up. You have answered my question. How many times can you get people to say boobies when it is peripheral to the discussion? That my friend, is a noble pursuit. I shall add that boobies and bloodlust are not always mutually exclusive,witness the baboon and the babe being ripped from her primitive boobies. See, you did get to watch primitive boobies. I must add one more... best to you in finding some regular old bouncing boobies not attached to horrors of blood or porn. (I added five six. I did my part.)

Bullshitted by red on February 4, 2005 02:51 PM