Irony On The Beat

Ahem. Let me start off by saying that police officers and I generally get along. Several officers and sheriff's deputies are professional contacts of mine, and obviously whenever I work at the courthouse they're really handy to have around. Never ever again though, will I ever date an officer.

It goes without saying that you need huge balls to be a cop. After all, when one deals with unsavory types on a constant basis, it is necessary to raise the voice at a minimum, progressing to yelling, restraining, cuffing, or even hand-to-hand combat in a bad situation. In addition, society condones these things subject to violations of the Fourth Amendment, and it grants officers the authority to carry firearms on their person. So yes, I'm sure they're perfectly justified in feeling like badasses.

The problem is turning the authoritarian persona off when leaving work, and say, going out on a date with a very pretty lady. So yeah, I'm getting to the good stuff...this cop was an excellent kisser, and in the few weeks that we dated, damn I felt really protected. By the end of the first week though, I discovered this habit he had of yelling "New Rule!!!" whenever he didn't agree with something. Each time he did this, I made my own rule. First time, no more political talk was my rule. Second time, learn to take virtually everything he said as extreme sarcasm. Third time, hang up the phone and never talk to him again...evidently "Call me at 3:00 pm, because I'll have slept off the graveyard shift really means the exact opposite, which is that he'll call when he awakens." So yes, I heard him yell New Rule!!! after picking up the phone and he began to continue, "New Rule!!! Never call before 4pm after I work graveya---" Click.

Never again did either of us contact each other after that time. That was in February, and well damn, perhaps my car was buzzing along a wee bit over the speed limit last night. Yeah I got pulled over, and yeah I thanked the orgasm gods that my legs were peeking out of a short skirt...and fuck me if I didn't roll down the window and see that kissable officer.

"Oh hello there...haven't seen you in awhile..." said Sadie with the most charming smile she could muster up.

Did he give me a ticket? Nooooooo. Just a warning, but as I rolled up my window and he was walking away, I heard him yell.

"New Rule!!! Don't speed anymore!" Fuuuuuuuck.