... you seldom read of my daily maladies here... mainly because.. well,
there aren't any... we run a fairly loose ship here.... cooking steaks on the deck... shooting pool... mixing drinks... eating too much red meat... not getting enough exercise.... etc, etc... living la vida SWG is a fulltime job, children.... and for the most part, one helluva party... with all that said, I have just had something pop-up... and, as such, I thought that I'd give you rubberneckeers a glance into my one and only trial...

... I have developed some sort of boil type thing... in a nutshell (which, incidentally, it might just fit into), it is big, red, and painful... anyway, it's just a boil.. so what, says I... I'll just call the ole Doc, and have him slice the bastard off... my appointment, by the way, is Monday at 9:45... just in case you were wondering... still, this post is not really about my boil... it is about the caliber of people that I hang with on a daily basis... ergo, this post...

... since I have developed aforesaid malady, I've had no fewer than 4
offer their highly skilled lancing services... firstly, I just want to say this to all my friends... What the Fuck?... what kind of life must a person live to become an expert at squeezing puss-filled protuberances?... I shudder at the thought, children.... I truly do... secondly, one of my friends was an ER nurse.. two others are trained first responders... and the last one is just a psycho... all of them, people... ALL of them have circled me in the past few days like turkey vultures over fresh roadkill... it is disconcerting, to say the very least... also, it is giving me a wondrous insight into who my REAL friends are... here's the deal... real friends tell you to go to the Doctor... what do mine do?.. they beg, cry, and whine for you to put yourself in a position where, without anesthetic, they can get elbow deep in your sore spot... squeezing, prodding, puncturing... torturing... heh.. my friends... they do so love me... hell, I'd let one of them give it a shot, but I'm afraid they'd be selling tickets to the event...

by Eric on August 27, 2004 | Bullshit (14) | SWG Stories
Bullshit So Far

Want to prevent boils.....well here ya go! Just increase your intake of adult beverages to the point of a happy level of intoxication. And do this with at least one friend there to keep an eye on you.

Because as everyone knows.............


"A watched sot never boils!"

(thank you I'll be here all week...try the veal!)

Bullshitted by Guy S. on August 27, 2004 06:41 PM

Reminds me of the old joke about the boil sucker.

There was this guy, Lance, who was a boil sucker for a living. That's right. He'd relieve people of the pain of boils without necessity of the slicing and dicing that one normally has to endure at the doctor's office.

One day, this very large (I mean VERY LARGE), unwaashed woman comes into his office to have a boil sucked. It happened to be on her ass, very close to her anal orafice.

Lance was anything but enthusiastic about this case, but he considered himself to be a consummate professional boilsucker. He directed the large, very large, very dirty womaan to remove her clothing from the waist down and bend over the examination table so that Lance could suck the boil. It was a big, nasty, pus-filled mountain of a boil.

Just as Lance got a proper liplock on the boil and prepared to suck out its contents, the large, very large lady farted.

Lance released his liplock, stepped back and said, "Lady, it's shit like that that makes my work disgusting."

Bullshitted by Jim on August 27, 2004 07:55 PM

Umm, thanks Jim. I just vomited a little in my mouth.

Bullshitted by Anna on August 27, 2004 09:20 PM

i was sick and looking for a good time, i come here looking for some good squirrel sex stories and i get sicker... man. thanks alot eric.

just kidding. love it. and hey hope all goes well...

Bullshitted by k on August 27, 2004 09:34 PM

..Anna, glad to see you are still kicking it.... you are, after all is said, the babe... you were missed that week...

...Jim, that was fucking disgusting... I am so very proud of you.... coming to Georgia in Oktober?...

.. k, hey, I'm sorry... what can I say?... the squirrels are fucking somewhere else as of late, and I haven't managed to lure them back.. uninhibited bastards that they are....

.. Guy?.. that was below the belt.. funny, but below the belt... oh, and around here, the veal is off.. try the cat, it's fresher..

Bullshitted by Eric on August 27, 2004 09:43 PM

"puss-filled protuberances"
You have been the first person to get me to laugh out loud in two days...a hearty thanks to you and your boil!

Bullshitted by ALa71 on August 28, 2004 12:02 AM

this is a true story.

back when i was a pimple growing kind of guy, my then wife used to BEG me to let her pop them. i'd feel that tell tale painful warmth on the tip of my nose and say, "man, i need to pop this pimple" and she'd be saying, "PLEASE LET ME DO IT" so i would, out of simplistic sympathy if nothing else.

other times i'd walk into the room and she'd practically tackle me and i'd think, "wow, this is what spontaneous sex is all about" when, in fact, all she was interested in was the unnoticed blackhead on the side of my nose. once she was done with that, she was done with me and i was left lying on the floor without even so much as a reach around to mark the event.

and when she popped those suckers, she wasnt satisfied with the initial squirt...nosirree...she would DIG down deep as i screamed in pain until she got every last bit of pus AND a bit of blood to boot.

and that wasnt even the worst of it. my dear ole sainted mother had severe rheumatoid arthritis, the crippling kind that constantly left her nursing big pockets of pus. whenever we would go to visit, the first friggin thing out of my wife's mouth was, "Got any new ones?" and the answer, invariably, was, "yeah, five or six and a really big one on my elbow" and my damn wife would nearly tackle my poor frail mother in her quest to get at the ickiness. I, in the meantime, would take the kids in the other room to watch tv because, frankly, there are some things kids should NOT be exposed to.

gee eric...arent you glad you said nice things about me on velociman's blog and drew my attention? heh heh heh...

Bullshitted by mr. helpful on August 28, 2004 12:46 AM


But...still very amusing :)

Bullshitted by Sheilah on August 28, 2004 04:02 AM


But...still very amusing :)

Bullshitted by Sheilah on August 28, 2004 04:02 AM

Ever seen or heard "larry the cable guy?" git'er done!..... seems there is a black head in the middle of my back that I have never been able to reach. Every g/f I've had has thrown me down and squaweeezed the hell outa that thing....then they leave me to never return. what's that about??

Bullshitted by Marcus on August 28, 2004 11:27 AM

How did I know before I even scrolled to the end that that was a Mr. Helpful story?

I have a post somewhere in the archives about lancing a boil near my scrotum a while back. I must find it so I can reminesce.

Bullshitted by Velociman on August 28, 2004 12:31 PM

Hey! You better not get that taken care of by a doctor!

I just finished buying tickets to the event off eBay, and I'd be pissed if the show got cancelled :-P

Bullshitted by Harvey on August 28, 2004 12:41 PM

Save it for next month's get together. I'll bring my camera and you can let everyone have a go at it !

Bullshitted by siso on August 28, 2004 06:16 PM

..sorry to disappoint, people... Monday morning, it gets popped.. those wheels have already been set in motion... but, I'll show you the scar in Helen...

Bullshitted by Eric on August 28, 2004 06:31 PM