My 2nd Best Compliment...

...alright... here goes... once upon a time, a wedding party of family and friends traveled from places far and wide.... to the city of Dhaka... capital of Bangladesh.... see, my Brother-in-Law had married in Scotland... and, just to make things interesting... as he was continually doing... decided to have his Wedding Reception on the fringes of the sub-continent.. where his Wife's Father lived.... we all flew... two months after the fact... to party down Bengali-style... why two months later?.... well, he and his new Bride had decided to drive to Bangladesh... yeah... you heard me right... DRIVE.... their route?... well... from Scotland down into England.. ferry to France... through France, and across the Alps... down Italy... ferry to Greece... to Turkey... breaching Iran... around Afghanistan, and into Pakistan....quietly crossing the border from Pakistan into India... then, all the way across the widest part of India's northern area... finally arriving.. 1 day before US.. in the land of the Bengalis.. all of this done in a diesel Ford Mondeo.. and, if you don't know what that is, it is like a Ford Taurus... only uglier.....

... well, being budding young lushes.. and after an incredible bribe-ridden escort through Customs.... the first thing we began attempting to do upon arrival in our Strange Land... was, of course, securing large quantities of booze.... Which, I can tell you first hand... is a real TASK in a 80% Muslim country... still, vice cares not for religion, if the truth be told... and, soon... we had found our watering holes... the Sheraton Hotel.. The Dhaka Club (you had to be a member, and the Bride's Father was)... and, the Expatriate's Club... as an aside, it seems that every country in the World has an Ex-pat's club... especially in Asia... but anyway, these were the places where even the thirstiest of backslidden Muslims could douse their fires.... and, where young, uppity white-folk could continue their alcoholic mantras... so, we dove right in with youthful Christian vigor.

... the particular evening in question, our choice of venues was the Sheraton Hotel's lounge... it was gorgeous... stuffed Tigers... polished brass everywhere... and, probably the largest selection of Single Malts in Bangladesh.... it oozed Empire... from every crevice... and, it was here that something unforgettable happened.. something that was strange.. something that I will take with me to my grave.... Right there in the Sheraton... in a booth seat... I was given the second greatest compliment of my life....

.. it all started with a friendly drink.. we were all buying rounds.. a pint of Guinness here... a double Glenfarclas there...we band of intrepid friends, enjoying the hell out of ourselves..... there were quite a few of us... Alistair.. Roman.... John... Hugh.... Mrs. SWG... and, me.... we laughed.. talked of the things to come... places we'd be visiting.... What a crazy fucker that last Rickshaw driver was... and, just generally enjoying the booze's effect in the January heat.... and then, HE walked in... a slick little guy... The Indian Businessman.... and, he was escorting the most gorgeous little native any of us had ever seen... dripping in gold jewelry... Henna art on her hands and arms.... Wrapped in red and yellow silk.... Absolutely fucking incredible, people.... She looked like she had just stepped from the set of a Bollywood movie.. well, they sat down at the bar...

...as we continued our boisterousness, we attracted the attention of The Businessman.. and his Bird.. he obviously could tell that we were (everyone but me..) of Empire Extraction.... their accents... and skin tone... had blown our cover... so, without further hesitation, The Businessman strolls right over and asks if he can buy the table a round... now, what table has EVER turned down a line like that?.... so, we agreed, and he sat down... now, the booth we were sitting in was in the shape of a horseshoe... I was on the outside... and, Mrs. SWG was on the opposite outside edge... so, The Businessman pulled up two chairs... and, he and the consort promptly sat down..... his babe sat nearest Mrs. SWG.. while he sat nearest me...

.. the conversation began with questions.... where are you from?... what brings you to Bangladesh?... etc.... but, after each question one of us answered, he would launch into a 5 minute dialog about his time spent studying at Cambridge... or, how much enjoyed the Bengali women... now, this struck us as incredibly odd... first of all, he was being a nuisance in perfect English.... and, secondly.... his little hottie never made a move, said a word, or let the perfectly formed smile slip from her face... and, that's when I noticed it... she was staring... and smiling.... at me.... Now, we all naturally had assumed that this lovely young thing was this asshole's Wife... each of us had tried to include her in our conversations... but, she just smiled sweetly... nodded...sometimes giggled... and, never said a word....in a nutshell, folks... she didn't speak English... hell, she even looked over at Mrs. SWG at one point, smiled, and said something in Bengali. When Mrs. SWG asked The Businessman what she'd said... he replied.... "she says, you have beautiful eyes...."... blue eyes were somewhat of a novelty to Asian hotties.....

....so, as usual... when the Glenfarclas started kicking in, I began to tell stories... those of you who have met me will attest to this... and, as you normally do when telling stories... you look around the gathered cast, and make eye contact.. tis the very nature of telling a good lie... but, it suddenly came to my attention... every time I looked at The Businessman's Wife, she was looking at me in a distinctly familiar way.... I dismissed it... stranger in a strange land, and all that.... Until... mid story, she leans over to her Man, and whispers in his ear.... He quickly looks up to the gathered drinkers.. over to me... and, then back to his babe... utters something in Bengali... and, looks back at me, and smiles... so, I continue my story... until.... It happens again... I stop my story, and wait for their conversation to end... and, I continue.... until.. it happens again... this time, I am beginning to think that my stories are too damn long.. so, I ask him what she was saying... after all, he seemed like a prick... and, if his Woman had something to contribute, well, I wanted to hear it... so, I asked...

..."what is she saying?"...

..."oh, nothing at all... nothing to do with your story..".. he said....

... then, Alistair pipes up.... "hey, man... she's as much of a right to talk at our table as you do... what does she have to say?"

... The Businessman straightens his jacket.... Makes eye contact with all of the assembled males... turns to me... and says.....

"... ok... she says that she wants to sleep with you...."

... completely floored and astonished, I said... "what?!!?... I thought she was your Wife!"

... "oh no", he says... patting her hand... which is on his knee.. "I met her here a few days ago... she's very nice.."

... "so, you wouldn't.. uh... mind?...ok... so, where should this take place?"

... " of course I wouldn't mind... she seems to really fancy you.... Anyway, I have a room upstairs here at the Sheraton.. you are welcome to use it if you want..."

... "how much?", I inquired... casually looking at the frowing, yet darling, face of Mrs. SWG...

... "I honestly don't know, Sir... I've been with her for 4 days, and she hasn't charged me the first penny..."

... so, as the Gentleman I am.... I looked at her... smiled.. and, said.....

... "I would absolutely love to take you upstairs, darlin... but.... SHE would kill us both..."..

.... and, I motioned towards the woman she was seated beside.... The Bengali girl looked confused.. so, I held out my hand.... pointed to my Wedding Band.... then, to Mrs. SWG... well... have you ever seen a Bangladeshi blush?.. well, it's an incredible sight, friends... the Bangladeshi Prostitute did... before our very eyes... heh.. it was priceless... she looked at Mrs. SWG... then back to me... then, back to Mrs. SWG... bowed her head... and, whispered again in her Man's ear... there was a quick silence.... so, I burst in....

.... "I didn't mean to embarrass her", I said.... "I am genuinely flattered.. but, my Wife would KILL me.."...

... "Oh.... don't worry, Sir... even though she is embarrassed... she just told me that she STILL wants to take you upstairs.."...

... so... there it is... my 2nd best compliment....

... thus endeth the story, Ladies and Gentlemen.. although, I never actually got around to including the Embassy lackey... or, the pilfered Johnny Walker... you pretty much get the picture...

.... and.... I know.. I know... as incredible as it seems.... this is the truth.... and, so.. there you have it.. my 2nd best compliment.... EVER.... out of the 5 men at that table... I was the chosen.. so what if it was a Bangladeshi Hooker.... it was me that struck her fancy... so, chew on that for a while.... so, what's YOUR best compliment?... or... 2nd best..

.. as a parting thought.... I have one for you...what is the greatest aphrodisiac in the world?.... not what you might think.... what is it?.... Poverty...... poverty, friends... the greatest aphrodisiac....

by Eric on May 25, 2004 | Bullshit (8) | SWG Stories
» The Brier Patch links with: The Businessman
» Undercaffeinated links with: Miss Dhaka
Bullshit So Far

That was a great story... right up to the point where you DIDN'T get laid... WTF... at least you could have titllated us with a fairy tale of tawdry debauchery and three-way sex!

Story teller my ass....

Bullshitted by Madfish Willie on May 26, 2004 12:34 PM

Shut the fuck up, Bartender.

Great story, Eric.

Bullshitted by Harvey on May 26, 2004 12:43 PM

Oh, no doubt he got laid...just not by the well-decorated working girl. ; )

And, yeah, great story!

How long did the trek halfway across the globe take them?

Bullshitted by Key on May 26, 2004 12:50 PM

...and I think the asshole was her pimp.

Bullshitted by Key on May 26, 2004 12:57 PM

..thanks... and, Key.. he was a geniune business man... but, the thing was, she wasn't gonna charge me... heh... seeing a 6"1' Redhead made her curious, I suppose...

...as for the trip.. it took them three months to make that drive... of course, they stopped for a few days here and there...

Bullshitted by Eric on May 26, 2004 01:08 PM

Great story!
My 2nd-best compliment ever? ('Cause I can't think of THE best...)
"You'd make a great mommy."
I think he just wanted to practice the conception part with me, though.
And, even though, if sincere, that was the 2nd best compliment ever for me... I've made sure we'll never find out! Absolutely sure, in fact, because the spousal unit agreed and followed my lead.

That's a stupid comment. The whole thing.
But I'm not going to "cancel, because I'm on a mission to comment everywhere I go, instead of continuing to forever lurk.

Bullshitted by scorpy on May 26, 2004 02:31 PM

I'm not sure about what my best compliment was, but are couple come to mind. Once a friend of mine stated to me "you're kind of cute, in a toxic-festering sort of way". Another friend of mine dubbed me "the Pontiff of Crude".
I still tear up when I think of those days. However, I am a little upset that none of those statements was made by a Bangladeshi Hooker.

Bullshitted by Johnny - Oh on May 26, 2004 02:37 PM

i luv yer stories, sir. they gut everthang ye mite wont, including suspents bout whut's nex -- in this case, the first best compliment ye ever gut, witch i bet twuz whenever miz swg sed ye wood make a grate husbin of sumthin lack that, probly sumthin with a better story toot.

Bullshitted by buddy don on May 27, 2004 07:45 AM